- Professor Proton: Is the, is the blonde girl really your, your girlfriend?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Yes, sir.
- Professor Proton: You're the genius.
- Professor Proton: Oh oh.
- Penny: Arthur, are you OK?
- Professor Proton: I'm having a... problem with my pacemaker.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I'll, I'll call for help.
- Penny: Any chance we could plug it into the potato?
- Professor Proton: ...No.
- Sheldon Cooper: Do potato clock! Potato clock!
- Penny: What's potato clock?
- Professor Proton: I run a clock with a potato.
- Penny: Shut up! You can do that? I mean, wouldn't that solve the world's energy crisis?
- Professor Proton: No.
- Sheldon Cooper: You may find this hard to believe, but I didn't have any friends growing up.
- Professor Proton: No, I, I get that.
- Sheldon Cooper: But, um, I did have you. And every day at 4 o'clock you'd come to my house on channel 68 and we'd do science together. If it hadn't been for you, who knows what would have become of me. You know, instead of a world class physicist I could have wound up as uh a hobo... or a surgeon.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I bet there are important discoveries being made every day because you inspired millions of kids to pursue science. In a way their discoveries are your discoveries.
- Sheldon Cooper: You- it's true. A generation of young scientists are standing on your shoulders.
- Professor Proton: Well thanks, thanks, you guys. That, that, that means a lot.
- Leonard Hofstadter: It's important you know how much you mean to us.
- Sheldon Cooper: Professor Proton, it's an honor to meet you.
- Professor Proton: Just, just call me Arthur.
- Sheldon Cooper: Leonard. Did you hear that? Professor Proton said I should call him Arthur. That means we're friends.
- Professor Proton: No. A, a friend would have, would have told me about the elevator.
- Sheldon Cooper: Look at me. I can get as close to you as I want without my mom saying its going to ruin my eyes.
- Professor Proton: Is, uh, is he dangerous?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Actually, he's a genius.
- Sheldon Cooper: I am.
- Professor Proton: Tha-that doesn't answer my question.
- Sheldon Cooper: I wrote you a fan letter when I was a child in Texas, and you sent me this autographed picture. Do you remember that?
- Professor Proton: I'll give you a hint: I have a bracelet with my own address on it.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Sheldon, you know that if you stay up all night you're going to be sleepy tomorrow, and a sleepy Sheldon is a cranky Sheldon, and a cranky Sheldon... is absolutely no different than a regular Sheldon. Good night!
- Raj Koothrappali: I just found out I have to stay all weekend at the observatory. Can you and Bernadette take care of my dog for me?
- Howard Wolowitz: Why don't you put her in a kennel?
- Raj Koothrappali: Why don't you put your mother in a home?
- Howard Wolowitz: To be honest, she'd do better in a kennel.
- Sheldon Cooper: I met my childhood hero and I get to ride in an ambulance. If we've gotten to do that calendar, this would be the best day of my life.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Mr. Jeffreys, I'm sorry. We should've warned you about the broken elevator.
- Professor Proton: I agree.
- Sheldon Cooper: Professor Proton hosted my favorite science show when I was a child. I never missed an episode. Uh, he demonstrated scientific principles using everyday objects.
- Leonard Hofstadter: It was pretty cool.
- Penny: Aw, it's so cute when you use the word 'cool' wrong. Like when kids say 'pasketti'.
- [first lines]
- Leonard Hofstadter: The interface is pretty simple. You put your horizontal X coordinate here, vertical Y coordinate here, and you're happy with those you press this button.
- Penny: Got it.
- [the toy missile launcher swivels]
- Sheldon Cooper: Leonard, you'll never guess who I just found on li-
- [he is hit in the head by a toy missile]
- Sheldon Cooper: H-Hey!
- Leonard Hofstadter: Nice shot.
- Penny: Uh, his giant head did most of the work.
- Sheldon Cooper: Very mature! You're lucky I'm out of silly string.
- Penny: So do you do a lot of these kind of appearances?
- Professor Proton: I'm not sure. I'm still trying to figure out what... what this is.
- Professor Proton: Let me get this straight. You two are physicists, and you want me to do a children's science show?
- Sheldon Cooper: Yes, and if there's time, take twelve photos with us in seasonal clothing.
- Howard Wolowitz: Oh, hey. We were just walking Cinnamon.
- Raj Koothrappali: Oh, really? Did you take her down Liars Lane?
- Howard Wolowitz: What?
- Raj Koothrappali: Liars Lane? A lane frequented by liars? Like you, you big liar?
- Leonard Hofstadter: You want one of us to go with you in the ambulance?
- Sheldon Cooper: I'll do it.
- Professor Proton: He's not a relative. He's not allowed, right?
- Paramedic: No, it's not a rule. He can go.
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh yes!
- Professor Proton: I can't catch a break today.
- Professor Proton: I hope I haven't kept the kids waiting too long for the show.
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh, no, there are no kids. The show is for me. Come on, I'll race ya... Arthur.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Do you remember his theme song?
- Sheldon Cooper: Of course.
- Leonard Hofstadter, Sheldon Cooper: Grab your goggles / Put your labcoat on / Here he comes / Professor Proton!
- Sheldon Cooper: I just don't want to be Professor Proton any more.
- Professor Proton: Well how can you say that? Professor Proton's the best.
- Professor Proton: What has it ever gotten me? I mean I'm, I'm an 83-year-old man who has potatoes in his suitcase. Other scientists think, think I'm a joke. And the, the puppeteer who did, who did Geno, well he also... did my wife.
- Professor Proton: After the TV show was, was cancelled, nobody in the scientific world would, would take me seriously. So I was forced to do these children's parties to make a living.
- Leonard Hofstadter: That's too bad. But still, working with kids, it must be rewarding.
- Professor Proton: You, you get bit a lot.
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh, my God, Leonard! He's available for parties and events. We should hire him.
- Leonard Hofstadter: To do what?
- Sheldon Cooper: Whatever we want. Hang out, do experiments, make him shoot twelve pictures with us for a calendar.
- Raj Koothrappali: Uncle Howard! Cinnamon's here for her sleep-over party!
- Howard Wolowitz: You do realize that if you have a stroke, she'll eat you.
- Raj Koothrappali: And it would be my pleasure to be her num-num.
- Howard Wolowitz: [Printing a poster of Cinnamon] How's this?
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: How did you get a picture of her?
- Howard Wolowitz: I didn't. I just Googled "Foo-foo little dogs."