- Sheldon Cooper: They can't just cancel a show like Alphas. You know, they have to help the viewers let go. Firefly did a movie to wrap things up. Buffy the Vampire Slayer continued on as a comic book. Heroes gradually lowered the quality season by season till we were grateful it ended.
- Howard Wolowitz: Ready to go to lunch?
- Raj Koothrappali: Do you think I'm feminine?
- Howard Wolowitz: Yeah. Let's go.
- Raj Koothrappali: Thanks a lot.
- Howard Wolowitz: What's going on?
- Raj Koothrappali: I broke down, and I read Lucy's blog. And in one of the entries she said when we first met I struck her as a little feminine.
- Howard Wolowitz: Just a little? That's great!
- Raj Koothrappali: I have to talk to her about this.
- Howard Wolowitz: Ah, geez, why do you girls always want to talk about things?
- Sheldon Cooper: You don't know what it feels like to feel completely frustrated, to have a desire built up and be denied any opportunity for release.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: [Gives Sheldon a death stare] Yeah, sounds like a drag.
- Sheldon Cooper: Tic-tac-toe can only end in win, lose or draw; none of which will deny me closure. Especially since I'm about to win.
- [Amy erases the game before Sheldon can finish]
- Sheldon Cooper: But we didn't finish.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Exactly. How does that make you feel?
- Sheldon Cooper: The same way any normal person would. I feel like I want to peel off my own face and tear it in two, and then again and again 'till I have a handful of Sheldon face confetti.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: [Has a birthday cake prepared for Sheldon] Make a wish and blow out the candles.
- [Sheldon blows out the candles, but Amy blocks one with a paper plate]
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Oops, you missed one. Now your wish won't come true.
- Sheldon Cooper: Lucky for you, cause I wished you were dead.
- Penny: Sheldon, you big weirdo. I want you to know that I love you're in my life.
- Sheldon Cooper: [On the floor in ecstasy after undoing all of Amy's closure avoidance therapy] And I love you, too!
- Raj Koothrappali: This is creepy.
- Howard Wolowitz: Oh, I think we were looking at creepy in the rear-view mirror when I put up that camera.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: You know, Sheldon, sometimes people seek the comfort of physical contact in moments like this.
- Sheldon Cooper: [pause as he considers this] I am not flying back to Texas just so my mom can give me a hug.
- Howard Wolowitz: "The key to her heart." Huh. That's nice. Were you quoting someone or is it tattooed on the small of your back?
- Raj Koothrappali: I was quoting a *man* who knows a thing or two about women. Sir Elton John.
- Penny: I feel sorry for whoever gets that phone call.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Don't be. If they didn't want to be yelled at by crazy nerds, they wouldn't have started a SyFy Channel.
- Howard Wolowitz: I think you'll like this security system. High definition camera, twenty-four hour monitoring...
- Raj Koothrappali: Now I can watch over my little princess while I'm at work.
- Howard Wolowitz: Why can't you just watch porn like a regular guy?
- Penny: Sheldon, there are two dumplings left; do you want 'em?
- Sheldon Cooper: Dumplings! Don't you understand what's going on here?
- Penny: As a rule, no.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: I'm pretty passionate about science. I remember the first time I looked through a microscope and saw millions of tiny microorganisms; it was like a whole other universe. If I wanted to I could wipe it out with my thumb like a god.
- [first lines]
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh dear! Penny, have you been recording shows on our DVR again?
- Penny: No.
- Sheldon Cooper: Answer honestly; this is not a trial. That'll come later.
- Penny: Absolutely not.
- [quietly to Leonard]
- Penny: Help me out here; I can't afford another demerit.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Uh, maybe we were hacked. You know, the Chinese have been hacking everything lately.
- Sheldon Cooper: Why would the Chinese make our DVR record 'Paul Blart: Mall Cop'?
- Leonard Hofstadter: I don't know... It's a fat guy on a Segway; that's funny everywhere.
- Sheldon Cooper: I'm deleting it.
- Penny: Well, hang on! Maybe the Chinese haven't finished watching it yet.
- Penny: So I was thinking about how excited you get about stuff like Buffy or science or which TV remote you and Sheldon should buy.
- Leonard Hofstadter: The Hominy one was fine. We didn't need to upgrade to the 1100 which he knows is too big for my hand.
- Penny: You see that's the kind of passion I didn't think I had. But then I realize I'm passionate about you.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Ahh, my cute little tushie strikes again.
- Penny: Well I'm serious .Look I always had these plans to be in the movies, to live this glamorous life and anything else in my life just wasn't worth getting excited about.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Well, those things can still happen.
- Penny: Oh, obviously it's going to happen. A psychic at a bachelorette party told me so. Anyway what I meant was I shouldn't wait. You know, I got you. I got Sheldon. These wonderful friends. My life is exciting right now.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Big deal.
- Penny: It is, isn't it?
- Leonard Hofstadter: So does that mean we get to do stuff like talk about cool shows or get dressed up in matching costumes and then go to Comic Con.
- Penny: Leonard, I had an epiphany; not a stroke.
- Sheldon Cooper: I do not have a compulsive need for closure.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Oh, really?
- [Knocks "Shave and a Haircut" on table]
- Sheldon Cooper: [after an awkward pause, knocks "Two Bits"] That proves nothing.
- Sheldon Cooper: I must say, I was skeptical at first, but this turned out to be a transformative evening.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: I'm surprised of how positive you are.
- Sheldon Cooper: You're an excellent neuroscientist, a wonderful girlfriend, and...
- Amy Farrah Fowler: And?
- Sheldon Cooper: It hardly matters now, does it?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: I'm proud of you, Sheldon.
- [Leaves]
- Sheldon Cooper: [after closing the door] And a complete sucker!
- Penny: [about Buffy the Vampire Slayer] It reminded me of my high school, except instead of vampires we had meth-heads. But both came out at night and had messed up teeth.
- Penny: [discussing a film] It was fun. It kind of reminded me of my high school. But instead of vampires, we had meth-heads. Ahem. But both came out at night and had messed up teeth.
- Leonard Hofstadter: All right, cool. I think you'll like the next one better. All the cheerleaders are suffering from an evil curse.
- Penny: Well, that's like my high school too. But instead of a curse, it was crabs. Heh.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: I've come up with a series of exercises to help with your compulsive need for closure.
- Sheldon Cooper: I take issue with the word compulsive.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: All I'm saying is we live in a world where closure isn't always an op...
- Sheldon Cooper: ---tion. Okay.
- Sheldon Cooper: Hello, uh, is this the Bruce Miller who wrote the season finale of Alphas?... Oh, smashing. Yeah, you already sound nicer than the last Bruce Miller who suggested I have sexual relations with myself. Yeah, now, down to business. Um, your show ended on a cliffhanger. Could you please tell me how you planned to resolve it?... Uh-huh... mm-hmm... I see... Well, that all stinks. No wonder you got cancelled. Bye.
- Penny: I've got you. I've got Sheldon. All these wonderful friends. My life is exciting right now.
- Leonard Hofstadter: It's a big deal.
- Penny: It is, isn't it?
- Leonard Hofstadter: So, does that mean we get to do stuff like talk about cool shows or get dressed up in matching costumes and go to Comic-con?
- Penny: Leonard, I had an epiphany, not a stroke
- Amy Farrah Fowler: [heatedly] You don't know what it's like to feel completely frustrated. To have a - a desire build up within you and then be denied any opportunity for release.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: [sardonically] Yeah, sounds like a drag.