- Queenie: I grew up on white girl shit like "Charmed", and "Sabrina, the Teenage Cracker". I didn't know that there even were black witches. But as it turns out, I'm an heir to Tituba. She was a house slave in Salem. She was the first to be accused of witchcraft. So technically, I'm part of your tribe.
- Madison Montgomery: Is this where we all sing "Kum-Bah-Yah"?
- Queenie: Bitch, I will eat you!
- Marie Laveau: And what is your wish, Witch?
- Fiona Goode: I want what you have. Whatever it is that has kept you young all these years.
- Marie Laveau: [laughs] The Hammer wants the Nail's Magic. Oh, that is rich!
- Fiona Goode: Yeah, and you're gonna give it to me. Because, I have something you want.
- Marie Laveau: You could offer me a unicorn that shit hundred dollar bills and I'd still never give you nothing more than a headache.
- Fiona Goode: You're missing the point.
- Madison Montgomery: What's the point?
- Fiona Goode: The point is in this whole wide wicked world the only thing you have to be afraid of is me.
- Fiona Goode: Idiots. Have you any idea what's going on out there? Now I forgave your ham-handed mass-murder business with the bus - over-exuberance of youth and all that. But if you haven't got the goddamn brains to know that when strangers come asking questions, we close ranks, then I fear our line is truly at an end.
- Zoe Benson: But they knew so much already.
- Fiona Goode: I couldn't toast a piece of bread with the heat they were putting on you!
- Marie Laveau: It wasn't poison that I gave you but something far worse. My gift to you, Madame LaLaurie, was life everlasting. Immortality was in that bottle. Bring her! For your sins, Madame LaLaurie, you are damned to live forever. To never know the release of sweet death. To never reunite with loved ones in the realm beyond. But instead to be alone, sealed up in your unmarked grave for all eternity, listening to the world go on around you, even until that world is no more.
- Fiona Goode: In about ten seconds, I'm gonna turn the heat up in that chubby melon of yours, and I'm gonna turn your brains to scrambled eggs.
- Marie Laveau: Well maybe you haven't heard the news about civilization started in Africa. We're more then just pins and dolls and seeing the future in chicken parts. You've been reading too many tourist guides.
- Fiona Goode: Speaking of tourist guides... No More Spray. I have been to St. Louis No. 1 and I have seen the tomb of Laveau. Seen the fat tourists from Little Rock to Hackensack drawing crosses on the bricks, making wishes to the bones of Marie Laveau. Little do they know, all they have to do to get their wishes granted was come down here to the Ninth Ward and get their hair braided.
- Marie Laveau: Clean your station, baby girl, 'cause I am sick and tired of them old boxes of Popeye's and Coke cans.
- Fiona Goode: Now, listen up, Miss Pittypat. If you scream, I'm gonna put you right back in the ground where I found you. You understand? Hmm?
- Madame Delphine LaLaurie: Help!
- Fiona Goode: [Slaps] Shut up! Shut up! I want you to tell me right now, how it is you're still alive after all these years and not some moldering corpse.
- Madame Delphine LaLaurie: They took my babies, you know? Hung 'em in straight line right up there. My husband, too. Him, I didn't care about. I'd been planning on killing him for weeks. Poison in his buckwheat.
- Madame Delphine LaLaurie: Are you a witch or something?
- Fiona Goode: Why?
- Madame Delphine LaLaurie: Well, I was hoping you were. Then maybe you'd know how to kill me.
- Fiona Goode: [laughs] Oh, I may kill you yet, but not today. But you run away again, and it's back in the box for you, understand?
- Madame Delphine LaLaurie: Yes, ma'am.
- Madame Delphine LaLaurie: You think you and this rabble can frighten me? I am Madame Marie Delphine LaLaurie. And you're nothing. Your feeble attempt at poisoning me failed, nigger witch.
- Marie Laveau: If I wanted you dead, you would be.
- Zoe Benson: [asking about the song playing] Who sings this?
- Misty Day: Who sings this? Fleetwood Mac! Stevie Nicks is my hero.
- Zoe Benson: That's Stevie Nicks from American Idol?
- Misty Day: Stevie Nicks. The White Witch. The only witch before you I've ever known.
- Zoe Benson: She's an actual witch?
- Misty Day: Listen to the lyrics, This song was her anthem... doesn't it just penetrate your soul and tell the truth about everything you've ever felt in your whole life?
- Zoe Benson: Yeah, totally.
- Flabby Customer: Yo. The medium buckets is supposed to have eight pieces, this one has only seven.
- Queenie: My name is not "Yo." It's Queenie. And you must've miscounted because I packed that basket myself.
- Flabby Customer: Well you must've got a "D" in math 'cause there's only seven pieces.
- Queenie: Actually, sir, I got an "A" in math. All of them. Calculus, trig, Advanced algebra.
- Flabby Customer: Is that so?
- Queenie: Mm-hmm.
- Flabby Customer: Look, I'm sure you're a genius, just give me an extra piece of chicken and I'll be done here.
- Queenie: Look, Pencil Dick, I'm not stupid, okay? You ate that extra piece, and now you want a freebie.
- Flabby Customer: I'd like to speak to the manager, stupid fat ass.
- Queenie: What did you call me?
- Flabby Customer: Get the manager!
- Queenie: I *am* the manager!
- Madame Delphine LaLaurie: They defaced my home with a plaque. "The House of Madame LaLaurie. A Historical site." My home- a museum of horrors.
- Fiona Goode: People have always celebrated the macabre. You're not remembered fondly, but I guess that beats not being remembered at all.
- Madame Delphine LaLaurie: I was a woman of my time.
- Fiona Goode: Hmm. That is a crock of shit. You've got a mean streak wider than your backside, or a sickness of the mind. Either way, if ten of the hundreds of things I have read about you are true, then you deserved every minute down there under all that dirt.
- Madame Delphine LaLaurie: I don't care what kind of monster anybody says I am. I loved my girls... in my own way. Even the ugly one. The moment she came out of my belly, she was a shame to me. She had the face of a damn hippo, but I loved her just the same. Hell is real. I've seen it down in that box. Time disappears. The only thing that's left is what's in your mind's eye. And all mine saw were the faces of my girls. Forever.
- Zoe Benson: Do you really think that's going to work?
- Misty Day: I know it will. This stuff is the shit. Literally. Louisiana swamp is full of Spanish moss and alligator dung. Amazing healing properties.
- Madison Montgomery: Zoe, look around this room. Okay, what do you see?
- Zoe Benson: Tragedy.
- Madison Montgomery: I see potential. Look, nice legs over here. A great set of guns.
- [chuckles]
- Madison Montgomery: I wonder if he's a show-er or a grower.
- Zoe Benson: What's your point, Madison?
- Madison Montgomery: We take the best boy parts, we attach them to Kyle's head, and we build the perfect boyfriend.
- Zoe Benson: Is this just a joke to you?
- Madison Montgomery: No, it's a challenge. All we have to do is follow this recipe. Find me a saw.
- Misty Day: This is wrong. All wrong. Murder. All rot and black. This will not be forgiven.
- Lee: What do you want, girl?
- Misty Day: Why would you kill God's innocent creatures? So They can be made into shoes?
- Ray: You think she's one of them goddamn PETA girls?
- Lee: No, she ain't from PETA. You should've stayed away, girl. You play with dead things, you're more than likely to join 'em.
- Misty Day: Not all dead.
- Fiona Goode: I'm kind of busy right now.
- Cordelia Foxx: My god, what's that smell?
- Fiona Goode: I, um... I went to a Chinese doctor, he gave me some herbs to boil. I know it's kind of pungent.
- Cordelia Foxx: We're about to have our morning gathering. I'm going to be going over the house rules with the girls, and I would like you to hear them.
- Fiona Goode: Hmm. Sounds riveting.
- [laughs]
- Fiona Goode: I'll be down in a minute.
- Zoe Benson: No! No, stop! Kyle! No! Look, maybe it would have been better for you to stay dead. I don't know! But I couldn't forgive myself if I didn't try.
- Misty Day: I forgive you.
- [Zoe screams]
- Misty Day: Even though you drew me out here. Turn around. Make a right.
- Queenie: What the...? Ohh, who are you?
- Madame Delphine LaLaurie: Out of my way, slave.
- Queenie: Who you calling slave, bitch? Yo, who is this stinky old lady...
- [Delphine bashes Queenie in the back of her head with a candlestick holder]