The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)

The Thanksgiving Decoupling (2013)

Jim Parsons: Sheldon Cooper

Photos 

Quotes 

• Mr. Rostenkowski : I don't know what's scarier: the bathroom clowns or the woman that put 'em there.

  Sheldon Cooper : All I know is you can only fit one of her in a car.

  [Howard enters from the kitchen] 

  Sheldon Cooper : And there's the clown that came out of her.

  [Howard turns right around and goes back in the kitchen] 

• [first lines] 

  Leonard Hofstadter : The math is all there; it's not real

  Penny : Yes, it is!

  Sheldon Cooper : Yeah, uh, look. It is scientifically impossible for a person tip a cow. Even you with your stocky build and lumberjack shoulders, you couldn't do it.

  Raj Koothrappali : It's horrible. Why would you push a cow over? They're sacred.

  Penny : Oh, stop it. I've seen you eat a million hamburgers.

  Raj Koothrappali : Hey, an animal can be both sacred and delicious.

  Penny : I'm telling you I've done it, okay? I clearly remember the cow standing up and then the cow on its side.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Were you drunk?

  Penny : I was sixteen in Nebraska, what do you think?

  Leonard Hofstadter : I think you're the one who fell over.

  Penny : That would explain why the sky was also on its side.

• Penny : Why are you making this such a big deal?

  Sheldon Cooper : Oh, I have a reason. It could be because you said yes to marrying Zack, but every time Leonard's proposed he's gotten a resounding no. That's just off the top of my head.

  Penny : How do I undo this?

  Leonard Hofstadter : I'm just hoping you can get a annulment which is like it never happened.

  Penny : Great. Well, what do I have to do?

  Amy Farrah Fowler : It's says here you can get an annulment if any of the following conditions are met. Were you unable to consummate the marriage?

  Sheldon Cooper : [Sheldon laughs]  Penny? Next.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : Is there any evidence of fraud, bigamy, want of understanding?

  Penny : Want of understanding? What does that even mean?

  Amy Farrah Fowler : Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winner!

• Penny : Sheldon, you can have a nice Thanksgiving anywhere. I spent one in Vegas.

  Leonard Hofstadter : You did?

  Penny : Yeah. Back when I we dating Zack. It was actually more fun than I thought. We gambled, went to one of those cheesy wedding chapels. We had a really good turkey dinner which was surprising since we were at a strip club.

  Leonard Hofstadter : What? You went to a chapel?

  Penny : Yeah.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Why?

  Penny : We had one those silly fake weddings.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Penny, you know those are real, right?

  Penny : [laughing it off]  No, they're not.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Yeah, they are.

  Penny : [Looking worried]  No, they're not.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Yeah, they are.

  Sheldon Cooper : He's right.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : They're real.

  Penny : [quietly]  But it didn't feel real.

• Sheldon Cooper : I've been told that a bald refusal of an invitation is rude and one must instead offer up a polite excuse so, di, I'd love to go but unfortunately that sounds awful.

• Sheldon Cooper : My father loved football. He always made me watch it before I was allowed to do my homework.

• Bernadette Rostenkowski : Hey. Howard says that you've been making fun of him all day. Now both of you apologize right now.

  Sheldon Cooper : She's so tiny! It's funny when she's mad.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : All right, mister. I think you owe Howard and Bernadette an apology.

  Sheldon Cooper : Perhaps you're right. I'm sorry for my behavior. I've had alcohol and it's caused me to be inappropriate.

  Bernadette Rostenkowski : Okay.

  Howard Wolowitz : Don't worry about it.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : Thank you.

  Sheldon Cooper : Ain't she great?

  Amy Farrah Fowler : Sheldon.

  Sheldon Cooper : Now, hows about you get us a couple of beers?

  [Sheldon swats Amy on the rear; she first looks shocked, then leaves smiling] 

• Mr. Rostenkowski : So is your dad still living in Texas?

  Sheldon Cooper : My father died when I was fourteen.

  Mr. Rostenkowski : I'm sorry to hear that.

  Sheldon Cooper : So was the guy who ran the liquor store. He cried and cried.

• Sheldon Cooper : [to Penny, regarding her initial belief that her wedding to Zach wasn't real]  At some point while you were there was Las Vegas also on its side?

  [Then tilts his head] 

• Sheldon Cooper : [belching]  ... 2,3,8,4,6...

  [then quickly covers his mouth] 

  Sheldon Cooper : That's as far as I can get without throwing up.

  Mr. Rostenkowski : [laughing]  Well, that's not what was I was thinking when you told me you could burp *pie*.

  Mrs. Wolowitz : Did somebody say pie?

• Sheldon Cooper : Do we really need to go to Mrs. Wolowitz's home for Thanksgiving dinner?

  Amy Farrah Fowler : We do, and I expect you to be on your best behavior.

  Sheldon Cooper : Now I know how the African slaves felt. Being dragged from their homes to work under the yoke of the white man.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : Are you honestly comparing going to Thanksgiving dinner at Mrs. Wolowitz's house to one of the worst tragedies in human history?

  Sheldon Cooper : Yes.

• Leonard Hofstadter : It would actually be nice to not hear Sheldon complain about *my* cooking all day.

  Sheldon Cooper : Yeah, uh, excuse me, but every year you prepare a terrible meal and every year I criticize it. Do our traditions mean nothing to you?

• Mr. Rostenkowski : Do you remember the Thanksgiving game when it snowed in Dallas?

  Sheldon Cooper : 1993. Leon Lett blew the game in the final seconds and the Dolphins emerged victorious. Then I finally got to do my calculus.

  Mr. Rostenkowski : I was so pissed, I wanted to shoot my TV.

  Sheldon Cooper : So was my dad. And then he did.

• Mr. Rostenkowski : So if your dad died when you were 14, you were never old enough to have a beer with the man.

  Sheldon Cooper : No sir. He did try to give me one for my high school graduation, but I was eleven and my mom said no.

• [last lines] 

  Sheldon Cooper : I just vomited on a lot of clowns.

• Sheldon Cooper : But if her food is delicious, Thanksgiving is ruined, and it's on you.