- Kirk Newhouse: You want my daughter to meet this guy?
- Mary Newhouse: I do. Because he cares about me. That's the point of all this. You know, maybe we end up together.
- Kirk Newhouse: You're a delusional hag. You know that? There's no relationship here. This is a reality show. You sell soap to bored housewives.
- Adam Cromwell: [after filming a scene where he happily plays with kids] I hate children - their rosy cheeks and their desperate eyes.
- Rachel Goldberg: Mm.
- Adam Cromwell: Romance I'm fine with, but, ugh, children.
- Rachel Goldberg: Listen, romance is later, you just get through the kid part, and then we will get you on one of your little romantic candlelight dinner dates.
- Adam Cromwell: See, in England, adults don't have to deal with children. That's why we invented the nanny. I didn't have a full conversation with my Gran until I hit puberty. I'd come down for supper, she'd look down her nose at me, not a word. She just assumed I didn't have anything interesting to say. And you know what?
- Rachel Goldberg: Mm?
- Adam Cromwell: She was right.
- Chet Wilton: [laughs] That is so sad.
- Quinn King: What?
- Chet Wilton: Well, look at her - she's ancient. Tired, sad, saggy sack - who wants that?
- Quinn King: She's a year younger than me, asshole.
- Chet Wilton: Oops. Sorry.