- Kristen: [to John] You two obviously have some weird thing going on; I'm leaving. You know, I defend you when people say you're a Seinfeld ripoff.
- John Mulaney: Oh my God, that's how I learned how to talk to women... from Ross.
- Motif: Who's Ross?
- John Mulaney: Ross. From Friends.
- Motif: What is Friends?
- John Mulaney: Friends... It's like the biggest TV show of all time.
- Motif: I gotta check it out. When's it on?
- John Mulaney: It's always on; it's Friends!
- [Motif changes the channel]
- John Mulaney: See?
- Motif: Why have I never seen Friends?
- John Mulaney: Eh, it was kind of "for us, by us."
- Motif: [Motif watches Friends for the first time] Oh, I remember these faces on TV. I always thought it was the news.
- Jane: Hey, do we have stamps?
- John Mulaney: No.
- Jane: Ugh, forget it. I guess I'll just have bad credit.
- [Rips envelope]
- Jane: How are you guys?
- John Mulaney: I'm great. I think I'm finally getting the hang of working for Lou Cannon, and things with Kristen are going good.
- Motif: [Watching Friends for the first time, to himself] Why are they in a fountain?
- John Mulaney: I really want you to meet her but hey, try to be nice to this one.
- Motif: Oh, they got umbrellas.
- Jane: John, no.
- John Mulaney: What?
- Jane: Don't you see what she is? She's one of those girls who just wants to date comedians.
- Motif: A ha-ha-ho.