- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Ready to call tech support?
- Howard Wolowitz: Give me the number. Probably wind up talking to some foreign guy who's reading from the same manual I have.
- [Raj's phone rings. Sheldon, Howard, and Bernadette stare at him in shock]
- Raj Koothrappali: It's my father, you jerks.
- Penny: Think we'll have time to visit your mom while we're there?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Yes. We'll also have time to put my junk in a garlic press, but I'm not doing that either.
- Sheldon Cooper: Aren't you afraid of being blinded?
- Leonard Hofstadter: How would I be blinded?
- Sheldon Cooper: At the end of the ceremony, all the students throw those pointy hats in the air. It's all pomp and circumstance until someone loses an eye.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I'll take my chances.
- Sheldon Cooper: Fine. I wonder if they make "I told you so" cards in Braille.
- Penny: Never been to New Jersey before.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Ah, it gets a bad rap from shows like Jersey Shore and Real Housewives.
- Penny: So it's not really like that?
- Leonard Hofstadter: No, it's like that.
- Sheldon Cooper: Won't that void the warranty?
- Howard Wolowitz: Sheldon, I have a masters degree in engineering. I wipe my bottom with warranties. Except for AppleCare; that pays for itself in the long run.
- Sheldon Cooper: So, can you get it working?
- Howard Wolowitz: I'm an MIT-trained engineer. I've built components for the space station.
- Sheldon Cooper: I thought the zero-gravity toilet didn't work.
- Howard Wolowitz: It worked fine. It just wasn't designed for Russian cosmonauts and their potato-based diet.
- Mrs. Koothrappali: Hello, Rajesh. What a nice surprise.
- Raj Koothrappali: Well, I've been thinking about you. How you doing? Are you happy, mommy?
- Mrs. Koothrappali: Such a sweet boy for asking. I can't believe you come from the poison seed of your father.
- [first lines]
- Raj Koothrappali: It's like the best one they make. I just can't get it to work.
- Howard Wolowitz: I'll figure it out.
- Raj Koothrappali: it streams HD video straight to your phone while it's flying.
- Howard Wolowitz: Nice. Where were you when I was single?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Okay, we should leave in about an hour. You all packed?
- Penny: Uh, yeah, I just need to throw in a few last-minute things. You know, makeup, underwear, clothes.
- Sheldon Cooper: If your bathroom floor counts as a carry-on, you're packed.
- Dr. V.M. Koothrappali: Are you still dating that dermatologist?
- Raj Koothrappali: If you could feel how soft my skin is, you wouldn't have to ask.
- Howard Wolowitz: What happened to me? When did I become an old man baffled by modern technology? Next thing you know, I'll be hitching my pants up to my armpits and complaining about the awful music the kids are listening to.
- Sheldon Cooper: It is awful, isn't it? Listen to that noise.
- Leonard Hofstadter: How'd you get ready so fast?
- Penny: Oh, I pack light. Once I got through an entire spring break with nothing but a long t-shirt and a belt.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Why'd you need a belt?
- Penny: It's called an evening look.
- [last lines]
- Leonard Hofstadter: So you really think they liked it?
- Penny: Oh,sweetie, it was the best speech ev-
- [they duck and scream as the drone flies out of Sheldon's apartment]
- Sheldon Cooper: Don't worry, everyone in here is safe.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I thought it'd be fun to show her my old stomping grounds. I even know the exact spot where they used to stomp me.