- Jane: I'm not going to complain about being single anymore because I have found a solution.
- [Jane leaves the room]
- John Mulaney: [to Motif] What if we just heard a gunshot right now?
- John Mulaney: Hey, Lou. Oh, this is that Dateline I wanted to see on Mark Allen Dade. The "Florida Party Boy Murderer".
- Lou Cannon: Can you believe Scorsese is making a movie about him? It's disgusting.
- John Mulaney: Why, because it exploits the victims?
- Lou Cannon: No, because he won't offer me the lead.
- John Mulaney: You should've seen it. Your power moves worked, and Motif payed me the rent he owes me. Nine-hundred dollars!
- Lou Cannon: Never say "nine-hundred dollars" with excitement in this restaurant again.
- Lou Cannon: I've been working on my serial killer method act.
- John Mulaney: Is that why I caught you smearing lipstick on your face?
- Lou Cannon: ...Sure.
- Jane: Oscar, have you seen my cat? I think he's been avoiding me. I can't even get him to sleep with me.
- Oscar: Well, I've seduced many cats in my day. You just wait outside the jazz club, compliment his goatee, and offer to clean his bongos.
- Jane: Oh, you know I'm talking about a house cat, right?
- Oscar: I see.
- Motif: I can pay rent, Mulaney. Could it be cash or Motif Merchandise? It's gotta be Motif Merchandise.
- John Mulaney: I'll wait for cash. I'm all set on XXL T-shirts and thongs that say "Mo' tif, Mo' Problems".