- Jasper Dunlop: [after seeingh Courtney violently attack Charlotte and Henry] Okay... maybe she needs help.
- Henry Hart: [rematch] You're goin' down.
- Ray Manchester: I'm comin' up.
- Henry Hart: Here it comes.
- Ray Manchester: It's coming back.
- Henry Hart: I'm the king of ping.
- Ray Manchester: I'm the master of pong.
- Henry Hart: Look out now.
- [Piper makes lunch for the girl next door]
- Jake Hart: I thought you didn't like her.
- Piper Hart: I don't, but her dad pays for super high-speed Internet service - unlike some cheaper dads I'm looking at.
- Oliver Pook: Well, get this. My girlfriend smells my socks, and if they smell weird, she tells me it's time to change my socks.
- Jasper Dunlop: Ugh.
- Curtis: That's jank.
- Kyle: Crazy.
- Sydney Birnbaum: They're your socks.
- Oliver Pook: I know. Like, what is wrong with girls?
- Jasper Dunlop: I'd never make up a lie just to impress you guys.
- Henry Hart: Really? Third grade. You pulled a bag o' dirt outta your pocket and told me it came from Jupiter.
- Jasper Dunlop: I thought it did! Back then I didn't know you can't trust guys in vans who sell space dirt!