- Jay Pritchett: This family needs a leader, and I can't do it forever. You can handle it.
- Alex Dunphy: Do I have to?
- Jay Pritchett: [Puts the paper crown Lily made him on Alex's head] Heavy hangs the head.
- Claire Dunphy: Remember how rebellious we were?
- Mitchell Pritchett: Weren't we, though?
- [Both laugh]
- Mitchell Pritchett: Wait, were we? I mean, I had that red afro phase.
- Claire Dunphy: And me dating the whitest Puerto Rican on Earth.
- Mitchell Pritchett: Dwayne.
- Luke Dunphy: This is not how I thought I'd go. I always expected to be at the bottom of the Grand Canyon in a bird suit.
- Manny Delgado: You still will, buddy. You still will.
- Jay Pritchett: A little early for tequila, isn't it?
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: It's for Luke.
- Jay Pritchett: I'm sure that makes it all better.
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: I see the way he looks at this bottle. He looks at it the way you look at me in that strapless dress.
- Jay Pritchett: I do love that dress.