- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: You need to stand up for yourself.
- Haley Dunphy: Do you know how easy it is for you to say that?
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: No, nothing in English is easy for me to say.
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: I wanted to kill him, but I bite my tongue because this family accuses me of being a Colombian hothead. Which is silly because a Colombian hothead is when you set someone's hair on fire. It smells bad, but it sends a message.
- Jay Pritchett: You have one of two choices: either go take a pity bath, or go back to that school like a man and act like you don't even know that girl.
- Manny Delgado: If mom asks, I borrowed her tub pillow.
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: I just want you to listen to my voice and look into my eyes and ask yourself "Did this woman made it all the way here from Colombia without knowing some very bad men who would love to do her a favor?"
- Jay Pritchett: [frustrating about Manny taking a lavender bath and Gloria painting baby Joe's toenails] I wanted two rough-and-tumble boys. I got a Manny and a pedi.