- Barry Kripke: Gentlemen, welcome to the fencing club. Before we start, I just want to warn you, fencing isn't a joke. I hope you're not here because you think it's going to be like Star Wars.
- Leonard Hofstadter: That's not why we're here.
- Raj Koothrappali: Yeah, I'm here because I think it's gonna be like Game of Thrones.
- Howard Wolowitz: And maybe a little Princess Bride.
- Raj Koothrappali: Ooh, ooh! I forgot about Princess Bride! That's my answer!
- Leonard Hofstadter: Barry Kripke started a fencing club.
- Sheldon Cooper: Interesting. Sword fighting does hold a certain elegant appeal. And I would imagine it meets many of our personal criteria for a sport.
- Leonard Hofstadter: It's indoors, so no sunscreen.
- Sheldon Cooper: No throwing, no catching, no running.
- Leonard Hofstadter: No gym shorts that can be yanked down.
- Sheldon Cooper: Or worse, up.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Preach.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Hey, ready for lunch?
- Howard Wolowitz: Oh, one sec.
- Sheldon Cooper: Is that the prototype drive system for the high-G rover?
- Howard Wolowitz: No, Bernadette got me a Fitbit so she can track how much I'm exercising.
- Leonard Hofstadter: That'll teach her to care about your health.
- Howard Wolowitz: Yeah, I can't wait to see the look on her face when I die young.
- Penny Hofstadter: I think it's great you guys want to get more exercise, but do you really think sports is the right choice for you?
- Leonard Hofstadter: What are you saying? We're not coordinated enough to play sports?
- Penny Hofstadter: Okay, Leonard, sweetheart, you twisted your ankle playing Scrabble.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I got a triple-word score with a double letter Q. If that's not a time to bust out the Scrabble dance, what's the point of having one?
- Sheldon Cooper: Excuse me, Barry?
- Barry Kripke: Yes?
- Sheldon Cooper: When can I stab one of my friends?
- Barry Kripke: In fencing, we don't call it a stab. We call it a touch.
- Sheldon Cooper: Uh, yes, I'm aware. But if I say I want to touch one of my friends, I'll get called into Human Resources.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Howie?
- Howard Wolowitz: What's up?
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Why does your Fitbit say you ran 174 miles yesterday?
- Leonard Hofstadter: I'm surprised you wanted to go to a sports bar, Sheldon.
- Sheldon Cooper: Look at this blister. Like it or not, we're athletes now.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Stuart took that rejection like a pro.
- Penny Hofstadter: Well, he knew he was on the breast cam.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: I don't have much practice turning men down. It wasn't so much fun.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Oh, you get used to it. Some guys you have to turn down over and over.
- Penny Hofstadter: And sometimes we marry them anyway.
- Sheldon Cooper: I smell funny. I taste salty.
- Leonard Hofstadter: You're just sweaty from exercise.
- Sheldon Cooper: And kind of delicious. I wonder how many licks it would take to get to the center of me.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I know it only takes one doctor's finger.
- Sheldon Cooper: According to a recent study, simply thinking about exercise, even while sitting still, can have physical benefits. For all you know, I could be exercising right now.
- Raj Koothrappali: Are you?
- Sheldon Cooper: Nah, I'll do it tomorrow.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Look at all these activities the university has. Rock climbing club, archery, flag football.
- Sheldon Cooper: Had me at flag, lost me at football.
- Penny Hofstadter: Uh, have you read the online reviews for this place?
- Stuart Bloom: Eh, the Internet's so negative. I try to avoid it.
- Penny Hofstadter: All right. Well, Heather H. says, "The owner stared at me the whole time and didn't blink once." Kelly M. says, "The creepy guy who runs it asked me out, then called himself stupid before I could say no." Jessica K. says, "I told the weird owner that I liked his shirt. He took it off and gave it to me."
- Stuart Bloom: See? Negative.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Listen, I should warn you that maybe asking Amy out isn't a good idea.
- Sheldon Cooper: Barry, a word?
- Leonard Hofstadter: And now the crazy version of what I just said.
- Sheldon Cooper: If you intend to pursue Amy, you leave me with no choice but to put a stop to it.
- Barry Kripke: And how are you gonna do that?
- Sheldon Cooper: By challenging you to a duel.
- Barry Kripke: You've had one lesson. I'll destroy you.
- Sheldon Cooper: That is why the duel will take place at high noon, three years from today. If you're worth your salt as an instructor, I should be ready by then. Yeah, and be warned. I'm going to touch you all over.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Wow, that was crazier than I thought.
- Sheldon Cooper: Excuse me. I'm recovering from a recent breakup, and I'm told asking out another woman might make me feel better. And as Ash Ketchum said to Pikachu, "I choose you."
- Natalie: What?
- Sheldon Cooper: It's a Pokemon reference.
- Natalie: I don't know what that means.
- Sheldon Cooper: Well, we gave it a shot.
- Raj Koothrappali: My name is Little Orphan Annie. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
- Howard Wolowitz: My name is Darth Vader. I am your father.
- Raj Koothrappali: When was the last actual exercise you got?
- Howard Wolowitz: The other day, when she tried to put that Fitbit on me and I ran away.
- Sheldon Cooper: You know, when my honor is insulted, and I need to challenge someone to a duel by slapping them across the face with my glove.
- Leonard Hofstadter: When was your honor insulted?
- Sheldon Cooper: My last physical.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Again, that doctor didn't insult your honor, he just checked your prostate.