- Johnny Carson: [on the origins of advertising slogans] Here's one I didn't know: "Make a run for the border."
- Ed McMahon: Uh... Taco Bell!
- Johnny Carson: No, it was the Los Angeles busboys' union.
- Johnny Carson: [on the origins of advertising slogans] This one I wouldn't have known: "Plop plop, fizz fizz."
- Ed McMahon: Alka-Seltzer.
- Johnny Carson: No, it's a recruiting slogan for the Libyan Air Force.
- Jay Leno: It's like nature. It's like - you ever see a group of animals? When one of the animals is injured, and all the other animals come over and try to eat it? That's what I think about show people - they have that same instinct.
- Fred Savage: [on his schoolwork while filming] Well, it's supposed to be three hours, but - I sometimes get three hours, but a lot of times, like, I get... yeah, three hours - real... real tough, huh?
- Johnny Carson: Yeah.
- Fred Savage: So... but I - I usually only get maybe one or two.
- Johnny Carson: Yeah. But it's concentrated, you know, so you really - you really study, I'm sure.
- Fred Savage: Right.
- Johnny Carson: I want to make sure about that.
- Jay Leno: Oh, yeah. Hard to believe the Japanese are ahead of us.