- Leslie Winkle: In the past I would have said something obnoxious, like "Happy birthday, dumbass," but I'm not going to do it. You and I have both grown a lot, and it's just so nice to see you all again. So... Happy birthday, Sheldon.
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh now, you know I hate change. Say it.
- Leslie Winkle: Happy birthday, dumbass!
- Adam West: There's another reason I should be higher on the list: all those other guys had muscles built in their costumes. All I had on my bat-suit was 100% grade-A West.
- Penny Hofstadter: You know, I hate that your sister and her friends used to torture you. But what I hate even more is if I was there I... would have tortured you too.
- Sheldon Cooper: Based on this pep talk I'd say you're still doing it.
- Penny Hofstadter: My point is... there is a time I never would have been friends with someone like you, and now... you are one of my favorite people, so... if what you need is to spend your birthday in a bathroom, I'm happy to do it with you.
- Sheldon Cooper: But everyone will think I'm weird.
- Penny Hofstadter: Sweetie, you *are* weird. Everyone knows you're weird, but they're all still here because they care about you so much.
- [first lines]
- Amy Farrah Fowler: [as they walk down the stairs] So, Sheldon, there's something I've been wanting to talk about, but I know it's kind of a touchy subject.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Way to narrow it down to everything.
- Sheldon Cooper: What is it?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Well, your birthday's coming up, and you've never let us celebrate it, and I was hoping maybe this year we could.
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh, I suppose that's a discussion we could have.
- [he runs back upstairs]
- Amy Farrah Fowler: OK, great. I mean, it doesn't have to be a big party or anything. I just...
- [she notices he isn't there]
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Where'd he go?
- Penny Hofstadter: Whoa, wait a minute; you mention his birthday and he vanishes?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Well, where's that information been this whole time?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Have to say you do look good in that suit.
- Sheldon Cooper: Uh, thank you.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Maybe later I'll, uh, get to see you in your 'birthday suit'.
- Sheldon Cooper: This is my birthday suit.
- Penny Hofstadter: While they get the cake, Sheldon, I just want to say I hope you didn't think you were going to get through tonight without a hug.
- Sheldon Cooper: You know, I used to hate these hugs.
- [she hugs him and he returns the hug]
- Sheldon Cooper: Now they're just extremely irritating.
- Penny Hofstadter: You know if you had a party now you have plenty of friends who would love to come.
- Leonard Hofstadter: And we live here so we have no choice.
- Penny Hofstadter: Yeah.
- Howard Wolowitz: You have any idea what you're getting Sheldon for his birthday?
- Raj Koothrappali: He's been fascinated with dinosaurs lately; maybe we could get him a fossil.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Just don't get anything Jurassic. He feels like that whole chunk of time's gone Hollywood.
- Penny Hofstadter: You want to just bring a few people in here? You know, Wil Wheaton in the bathtub, Batman on the toilet. It'll be like the weirdest ComiCon ever.
- Sheldon Cooper: Thank you all so much for coming. Beverly, Wil Wheaton, Adam West for some reason...
- Leonard Hofstadter: Batman finally came to your party.
- Adam West: Happy birthday, Sherman!
- Penny Hofstadter: Hey, everybody. Sheldon is going to come back out, but I think he's a little embarrassed so let's all be extra nice, OK?
- Barry Kripke: What are you wooking at me for? I'm a saint!
- [to Beverly]
- Barry Kripke: But a sinner in the sack.
- Leonard Hofstadter: So, mother, surprised you came all this way for Sheldon's birthday.
- Dr. Beverly Hofstadter: Oh, I was happy to; he did come to my sixtieth.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Oh, you had a party for your sixtieth?
- Penny Hofstadter: I wouldn't call it a party. Just a few close friends. And your sister and brother.
- Penny Hofstadter: Yeah, to be fair, we did get married in Vegas and didn't invite her.
- Dr. Beverly Hofstadter: And I never did thank you for that, dear.
- Sheldon Cooper: I know you worked hard to put this together; I'm sorry I'm ruining it.
- Penny Hofstadter: Oh, plea-, you're not ruining it. Look, at some point Raj will try to get everyone to do the electric slide; now, that will ruin it.
- Raj Koothrappali: So, what was Adam West like on the phone?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Nice guy. But it was a little weird to hear Batman say, "Don't ring the door bell or my poodles will go crazy."
- Leonard Hofstadter: Hey Stuart, didn't you try to get Adam West to do a signing here once?
- Stuart Bloom: Yeah, but there was kind of a scheduling conflict. He, uh, wanted to know when he'd get paid... and I wouldn't tell him.
- Sheldon Cooper: Is there a reason I had to leave my own apartment?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Well, I think they just want you to see it for the first time all decorated.
- Sheldon Cooper: But who's gonna tell them they're doing it wrong?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Well, I'm sure they'll ask you to give a speech, and that's when you just tear 'em a new one.