- Ella Lopez: Why do you like this Wesley Cabot guy so much?
- Lucifer Morningstar: Well, he rips men's hearts out, wipes out entire villages, never says thank you, and he's applauded for it
- Ella Lopez: Oh, him... as opposed to you. That's right, because you're the
- [Whispering]
- Ella Lopez: Son of God.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Exactly.
- Ella Lopez: Yes. I get it. I mean, Stanislavksy would be very proud of you.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Okay, for the last time, I am not a method actor.
- Ella Lopez: So method of you to say. Damn, you are good. Hey, can you cry on cue?
- Lucifer Morningstar: For the next day or so, I'm going to need you to be unpredictable. Whatever you normally do, just do the opposite.
- Chloe Decker: Too bad. I was totally going to have sex with you today.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Really?
- [Smiles, then realizes]
- Lucifer Morningstar: ... Oh. Well played, Detective.
- Lucifer Morningstar: What do they say? Laugh like no one's listening? Dance like you're standing on the corpses of your enemies?
- Kimo Vanzandt: I'd never hurt Wesley. We were friends.
- Chloe Decker: Huh. Could've fooled me.
- Kimo Vanzandt: We had a public rivalry, but-but it was just for business. In reality, we share everything. The same managers, agents, lawyers...
- Chloe Decker: Wives?
- Chloe Decker: He had a drug problem, right?
- Lucifer Morningstar: Well, only if you consider ingesting millions of dollars of cocaine a problem. I call it a Tuesday. But apparently it's frowned upon.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Everyone thinks they know what He wants. Amenadiel did when he first got here, now Uriel does. Human wars have been waged because of it. Dad showed me an open door. Does that mean I was meant to take you back to Hell or was he insinuating that Hell was getting drafty? Nobody bloody knows, because the selfish bastard won't just tell us!
- Chloe Decker: Why did you attack the guy in the parking lot?
- Kimo Vanzandt: I swear, I wasn't going to hurt him.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Was he a terrorist about to plant a bomb? Leader of a murderous cult, perhaps? He must be someone really evil for the Weaponizer to get involved.
- Kimo Vanzandt: He's just some guy in trouble with the Mob
- Lucifer Morningstar: So they've got his family and they're forcing him to kill the president?
- Lucifer Morningstar: Clearly, I got the fashion sense in the family. Word of advice: I'd lose the trench coat, 'cause as it stands, it's less cool, brooding angel, more sort of "pedophile chic."
- Chloe Decker: So, for someone with so many hit movies under their belt, why is he so broke?
- Ryan Goldburg: Exotic cars. Private islands. You know what costs more than an albino tiger? The upkeep on an albino tiger. He blew through his money. Didn't listen. And now there's no more coming in.
- [to Lucifer]
- Ryan Goldburg: Thanks again.
- [Leaves]
- Lucifer Morningstar: Such a tragedy.
- Chloe Decker: Well, it's always a tragedy when someone gets killed.
- Lucifer Morningstar: No, I'm talking about his tiger. I would have bought it if I'd known.
- Chloe Decker: That's your bedtime story. I'll read that to you tonight.
- Trixie Espinoza: No, read it to me now!
- Lucifer Morningstar: This... best birth control in the world.
- Chloe Decker: [to Jamie] Can you explain why a witness said that they saw you speeding away from Wesley's dojo this morning?
- Lucifer Morningstar: Welcome to Devil Time.
- Chloe Decker: What are you doing?
- Lucifer Morningstar: Trying out my new catch phrase.
- Dan Espinoza: "Welcome to Devil Time"? What the hell does that mean?
- Lucifer Morningstar: She knows what it means.
- Jamie Lee Adrienne: ...I have no idea what that means.
- Dan Espinoza: I even skipped out on some of our wedding planning to see Body Bags 6. Remember?
- Chloe Decker: *That* was the big emergency?
- Dan Espinoza: It was totally worth it. It was a great movie.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Yes, it was. Better catch phrase, wasn't it?
- Lucifer Morningstar, Dan Espinoza: "Not on my watch."
- [They laugh]
- Lucifer Morningstar: Maybe I should get a catch phrase.
- Charlotte: Uriel is a stubborn boy. When he sets his mind, it doesn't waver. He's not going to give up until he has either me or that detective.
- Lucifer Morningstar: I refuse to believe that. There is always another way.