- Schwoz: [ordered to remain on the porch] What if someone tries to take me?
- Charlotte Page: Who would want you?
- [last lines]
- Schwoz: Vell, at least ve all learned something valuable.
- Jasper Dunlop: What'd we learn?
- Schwoz: Ve all learned that no matter how strong love is... anger is stronger.
- Ray Manchester: It's true.
- Henry Hart: That's a good point. That's a good point right there.
- Ray Manchester: I'm old?
- Henry Hart: Yeah, I mean, what are you, like... over fifty?
- Ray Manchester: Fif...? Did you just use the F-word?
- Gwen: [unsuccessful at leaving through a tube] Okay, what words do I have to say to activate the tube suckage?
- Henry Hart: Oh, yeah, just yell "Diamond, rubies, lift me... tubies."
- Henry Hart: Ray's getting married to a woman he met three hours ago.
- Schwoz: Vhaaaaaaaat? And...
- Schwoz: [noticing Jasper in curlers] Why does Jasper have those things on his head?
- Charlotte Page: Because his hair's not naturally curly.
- Schwoz: Vhaaaaaaaat?
- Henry Hart: I mean, why would Ray wanna marry a lady he's only known for three hours? Like...
- Jasper Dunlop: Maybe... she has a trampoline.
- [Gwen walks into the store]
- Henry Hart: Uh... Jasper? Why'cha go to the bathroom?
- Jasper Dunlop: 'Cuz I'm empty?
- Henry Hart: [exasperated] Then go into the bathroom and use your phone to listen to your Celine Dion playlist?
- Jasper Dunlop: Done!
- Henry Hart: Ah. Well, I'm glad you got that feeling, 'cuz that feeling is exactly what I want your feeling to be. Ya feelin' me?
- Henry Hart: She probably makes muffins for lots of guys.
- Ray Manchester: SHE ONLY MAKES MUFFINS FOR ME!
- Henry Hart: OH, GOD! Ahhhhhh!
- Jasper Dunlop: No, Hen... Hen-Henry, this is not a good time to hug.
- Henry Hart: Aw, you've such pretty hair.
- Gwen: Y'know... Henry... I was hoping we could be friends, but now I'm... sorry that... I made you these muffins.