- Luis: Sesame Street was brought to you by the letters Q, and T, and by the number 4. Sesame Street is a production of The Children's Television Workshop. Audios!
- Everybody: SQUEAL! OF! FORTUNE!
- [Theme plays as they applause and cheers]
- Pat Playjacks: Thank You! Thank You! And hello everybody, I am Pat Playjacks. And I happy to welcome you to
- [Audience says along]
- Pat Playjacks: SQUEAL! OF! FORTUNE! Yes. And we have a great show lined up for us. First from Transylvania, We have Count Von Count!
- Count Von Count: Hello, Pat!
- Pat Playjacks: Hello, Count. And what do you do for a living?
- Count Von Count: I count.
- Pat Playjacks: You count? And do you have any hobbies?
- Count Von Count: I count!
- Pat Playjacks: Oh yes, And now let meet the contestant from Sesame Street. We have Prairie Dawn.
- Prairie Dawn: Hello, Pat.
- Pat Playjacks: Hello, Prairie. And what do you do?
- Prairie Dawn: Well, I go to school. And I play piano and soccer. And I like to say this, Pat. It is so nice to be on a normal sensible show like yours.
- Pat Playjacks: [to the audience] Isn't she sweet?
- [to Prairie Dawn]
- Pat Playjacks: Well, Thank you, Prairie. And since you are the first contestant, How many pig squeals would it be?
- Prairie Dawn: Pig squeals? What do you mean?
- Pat Playjacks: What I mean is let's tell our audience this is the
- [Audience says along]
- Pat Playjacks: SQUEAL! OF! FORTUNE!
- Prairie Dawn: What? Is the Squeal of Fortune?
- Pat Playjacks: Yes.
- Prairie Dawn: There must be a mistake, I have never heard of "Squeal of Fortune"!
- The Eel: Excuse me, But is this "Eel of Fortune"?
- Pat Playjacks: Uh, No! The "Eel of Fortune" is next door! This is "Squeal of Fortune".
- The Eel: Oh thank you.
- Pat Playjacks: So, Tune in tomorrow for another episode of
- [Audience says along]
- Pat Playjacks: "SQUEAL! OF! FORTUNE!"
- Narrator: Faster than the rolling "O", Stronger than silent "E", And able to reach Capital "T" in the single bound. It's a word, It's a plan, It's Letterman!
- Prairie Dawn: How about Ten?
- Pat Playjacks: Yes! Is the number ten your guess? Okay then, Let's give the pig a spin on the turn table and count how many squeals we hear on ''Squeal of Fortune''!
- [as Prairie spins the turntable]
- The Pig: [Squeals]
- Everybody: ONE!
- The Pig: [Squeals]
- Everybody: TWO!
- The Pig: [Squeals]
- Everybody: THREE!
- The Pig: [Squeals]
- Everybody: FOUR!
- The Pig: [Squeals]
- Everybody: FIVE!
- [the Turntable stops and the buzzer sounds]
- Everybody: [Audience groaning]
- Pat Playjacks: Oooooh! I am very sorry, Prairie. You guessed ten and there were only five pig squeals in today's 'Pig... ' I mean, 'Squeal of Fortune'. That's too bad!
- Prairie Dawn: Oh, Dear. I guess I didn't win. I don't believe this!
- Pat Playjacks: Hey, Count Von Count. Are you ready to play our game?
- Count Von Count: Oh, Yes! Sure thing, Pat!
- Pat Playjacks: Then what is your guess on how many pig squeals?
- Count Von Count: I'll make one squeal, or maybe two squeals, or maybe three, or four or five squeals, or maybe six...
- Pat Playjacks: COUNT! We can only take one guess at a time!
- Count Von Count: One guess? Two guesses? Three?
- Pat Playjacks: Three, Uh, Is three your guess?
- Count Von Count: Yeah?
- Pat Playjacks: Alright, That's your guess! Three pig squeals so give the pig a spin on the turntable
- [Count spins the turntable]
- The Pig: [Squeals]
- Everybody: ONE!
- The Pig: [Squeals]
- Everybody: TWO!
- The Pig: [Squeals]
- Everybody: THREE!
- [Turntable stops and the ping sounds]
- Everybody: [Audience cheers]
- Count Von Count: Did I say Three?
- Pat Playjacks: YES, You did!
- Count Von Count: I SAID THREE!
- [Ha-ha-ha]
- Pat Playjacks: That's right! Three squeals, Count Von Count! You won!
- Count Von Count: WOW! I WON!
- Prairie Dawn: WHAT? HE WON? OH NO!
- Pat Playjacks: And now it's time to pick a prize in the studio with fabulous prizes. And to show them to us is our co-hostess, Velma Blank.
- [the curtain raises and we see Velma Blank showing the prizes to Count Von Count]
- Pat Playjacks: A fifteen gallon tank of industrial finger painting, A hand-crafted grapefruit goggle for a protection of that morning squirt, And a larger than life-sized portrait of America's Second Favorite Game Show host: Pat Playjacks.