Lucifer (TV Series)
Deceptive Little Parasite (2017)
Tom Ellis: Lucifer Morningstar
Photos
Quotes
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Lucifer Morningstar : [trying to free his hand from Trixie's] Do we have to be touching? Don't you have a leash or something for when you go out?
Trixie : Do you want to sell this or not?
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Chloe Decker : You are lucky my daughter likes you so much.
Lucifer Morningstar : Yes, I'm starting to respect the deceptive little parasite.
Chloe Decker : Oh, well, that's nice.
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Trixie : You're gonna be in trouble if my mom finds out.
Lucifer Morningstar : What? I said I'd drive you to school. I never specified which one. So play along, and I'll deliver my end of the bargain.
Mr. Taylor : Mr. Morningstar?
Lucifer Morningstar : Yes.
Mr. Taylor : Hey. Mr. Taylor.
Lucifer Morningstar : Ah.
Mr. Taylor : You're here for the Starford tour?
Lucifer Morningstar : I am indeed. I am indeed. And this little creature, who gets whatever she wants...
Trixie : [offering her hand] Trixie Morningstar. Nice to meet you, sir.
Mr. Taylor : [laughing] Hi.
Lucifer Morningstar : Ah, lovely.
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Lucifer Morningstar : It turns out you were right, Doctor. It's impossible to control your feelings. And anyone who does risks turning into a murderous lunatic with a child of below-average intelligence,
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Linda Martin : Do you mean actual gates? Like big and pearly? Are we talking clouds? Harps? Old dudes in white robes?
Lucifer Morningstar : And my Dad is Morgan Freeman? Focus, Doctor.
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Lucifer Morningstar : PhD in psychology, certificate for behavioral therapy. I should have thought this woman had figured out human interaction, yet she provoked someone into killing her? Therapists don't really know anything, do they?
Chloe Decker : Ooh, Lucifer's projecting his personal issues on the case. Guess we are back to normal.
[Lucifer chuckles]
Ella Lopez : Ah, man. I got into it with my shrink a couple of weeks ago.
Lucifer Morningstar : What? You see a psychologist?
Ella Lopez : I know. You wouldn't think so, right? 'Cause I'm so upbeat all the time. But up here
[points to her head]
Ella Lopez : -- lot of darkness.
Lucifer Morningstar : Really?
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Lucifer Morningstar : Sorry, ladies, but it's hard for me to enjoy a triple-Decker with my mother's hands all over it.
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Lucifer Morningstar : I need to have a child.
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Lucifer Morningstar : Well... welcome to the club of parental deceit, child. It's a lonely place, but that's the price of being clever.
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Charlotte : [after sending Lucifer a trio of strippers] I tried to find ones that resemble your detective. Then again, all humans look alike to me.
Lucifer Morningstar : No, you did, um, well, remarkably well. But what on Earth for?
Charlotte : Since anger didn't work, I wanted to incite a different emotion. See if that would get the sword fired up.
Lucifer Morningstar : A foursome isn't an emotion, Mum!
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Charlotte : Your brother is the Lightbringer, Amenadiel. He just needs to apply himself and get angry.
Lucifer Morningstar : Well, I can't just get ang...
[Amenadiel ouches him in the face]
Lucifer Morningstar : Aah! Bloody hell!
Amenadiel : Well, it was worth a shot.
Lucifer Morningstar : Right. Maybe Amenadiel should try it. Here, why don't you hold it, and I'll kick you in the...
[Aims for his groin]
Charlotte : Boys!
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Chloe Decker : You are lucky my daughter likes you so much.
Lucifer Morningstar : Yes, I'm starting to respect the deceptive little parasite.
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Assistant Dean : No phones on campus, please. Sends a message that our arms aren't actually available to our children
Lucifer Morningstar : Right.
[Turns to Chloe]
Lucifer Morningstar : Detective, this school is weird, and, yes, this case is boring.
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Lucifer Morningstar : [after Charlotte attacks him] What did you expect me to do? Stab you with the blade and have it be ignited by my joy?
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Madison : The good news is bad feelings can be harnessed into good actions. My son Ranger knows this. Right, Ranger?
[Ranger silently picks his nose]
Madison : Would anyone else like to try?
Lucifer Morningstar : Yeah!
Madison : ...Would any of the *children* like to volunteer?
Lucifer Morningstar : [Whispers] For a progressive school, it's rather ageist.
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Chloe Decker : I am gonna tie a bell around your neck at some point.
Lucifer Morningstar : Oh, sounds like a fun bit of foreplay.
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Lucifer Morningstar : You're saying the blade can sense my emotional state? It's the most powerful weapon in the universe, Mum... The sword that guarded Eden, not a groovy mood ring.
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Assistant Dean : Debbie did get into a rather ugly fight with the parents of a child who'd been denied admission. It got vicious.
Lucifer Morningstar : Ooh. Fisticuffs? Beat-down at the bike sheds after the final bell?
Assistant Dean : No, verbally vicious.
Lucifer Morningstar : Ah, terrible grammar.
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Lucifer Morningstar : [about Azrael's blade] What am I supposed to do, dip it in some whiskey and light a match?
Charlotte : Last time it caught flame, you were angry, so think about your Father, that should do it. L
Lucifer Morningstar : All right.
[Stares at the knife dramatically. Nothing happens]
Lucifer Morningstar : Nope. Right, back to my whiskey plan.
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Lucifer Morningstar : What is it you normally do?
Mr. Taylor : Uh, I'm the movement and wellness mentor.
Lucifer Morningstar : So you're the P.E. teacher. Lovely.
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Lucifer Morningstar : If I wanted to attend an art class, I would have at least had the sense to take one with a nude model.
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Lucifer Morningstar : You don't even have your powers.
Amenadiel : Yeah, thanks for that reminder, Luci.