- Lucifer Morningstar: [trying to free his hand from Trixie's] Do we have to be touching? Don't you have a leash or something for when you go out?
- Trixie: Do you want to sell this or not?
- Chloe Decker: You are lucky my daughter likes you so much.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Yes, I'm starting to respect the deceptive little parasite.
- Chloe Decker: Oh, well, that's nice.
- Trixie: You're gonna be in trouble if my mom finds out.
- Lucifer Morningstar: What? I said I'd drive you to school. I never specified which one. So play along, and I'll deliver my end of the bargain.
- Mr. Taylor: Mr. Morningstar?
- Lucifer Morningstar: Yes.
- Mr. Taylor: Hey. Mr. Taylor.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Ah.
- Mr. Taylor: You're here for the Starford tour?
- Lucifer Morningstar: I am indeed. I am indeed. And this little creature, who gets whatever she wants...
- Trixie: [offering her hand] Trixie Morningstar. Nice to meet you, sir.
- Mr. Taylor: [laughing] Hi.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Ah, lovely.
- Chloe Decker: Hi. Um, Chloe Decker. Trixie's mom.
- Check In Lady: Just you? Alone?
- Chloe Decker: Just me. Alone.
- [some people behind look at her with disdain]
- Check In Lady: That must be difficult.
- Mazikeen: [rushing to the check-in] Actually, she's with me.
- Check In Lady: [smiling] Oh, two mommies?
- Mazikeen: Oh, hell yeah. Trixie's a handful, definitely a two-woman job. Right, honey?
- Chloe Decker: [nodding] Yeah.
- [Maze kisses Chloe on her lips]
- Chloe Decker: You know what? Never mind. I don't want to make you sick with my feelings.
- Mazikeen: No. Come on. I'm listening, I promise. No more earbuds.
- Chloe Decker: Okay. Trixie might get into this private school, and it could be really, really good for her. But it's super exclusive, and I'm not sure I want her in that kind of environment.
- Mazikeen: That what's you're so worried about?
- [Chloe nods]
- Mazikeen: All right. A school like that is great for Trixie.
- Chloe Decker: You think so?
- Mazikeen: Yeah. Fancy-pants rich kids? They're like vipers, okay? Trixie will learn to slash them with her words. Then I will teach her the knives.
- Chloe Decker: Oh, okay. I think... I know you're trying to help, but I don't think you can help me with... with this now.
- Lucifer Morningstar: It turns out you were right, Doctor. It's impossible to control your feelings. And anyone who does risks turning into a murderous lunatic with a child of below-average intelligence,
- Linda Martin: Do you mean actual gates? Like big and pearly? Are we talking clouds? Harps? Old dudes in white robes?
- Lucifer Morningstar: And my Dad is Morgan Freeman? Focus, Doctor.
- Lucifer Morningstar: PhD in psychology, certificate for behavioral therapy. I should have thought this woman had figured out human interaction, yet she provoked someone into killing her? Therapists don't really know anything, do they?
- Chloe Decker: Ooh, Lucifer's projecting his personal issues on the case. Guess we are back to normal.
- [Lucifer chuckles]
- Ella Lopez: Ah, man. I got into it with my shrink a couple of weeks ago.
- Lucifer Morningstar: What? You see a psychologist?
- Ella Lopez: I know. You wouldn't think so, right? 'Cause I'm so upbeat all the time. But up here
- [points to her head]
- Ella Lopez: -- lot of darkness.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Really?
- Lucifer Morningstar: Sorry, ladies, but it's hard for me to enjoy a triple-Decker with my mother's hands all over it.
- Mazikeen: [Watching the prep school parents] They're miserable. And waiting to tear each other apart. Actually... Reminds me of home.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Well... welcome to the club of parental deceit, child. It's a lonely place, but that's the price of being clever.
- Charlotte: [after sending Lucifer a trio of strippers] I tried to find ones that resemble your detective. Then again, all humans look alike to me.
- Lucifer Morningstar: No, you did, um, well, remarkably well. But what on Earth for?
- Charlotte: Since anger didn't work, I wanted to incite a different emotion. See if that would get the sword fired up.
- Lucifer Morningstar: A foursome isn't an emotion, Mum!
- Charlotte: Your brother is the Lightbringer, Amenadiel. He just needs to apply himself and get angry.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Well, I can't just get ang...
- [Amenadiel ouches him in the face]
- Lucifer Morningstar: Aah! Bloody hell!
- Amenadiel: Well, it was worth a shot.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Right. Maybe Amenadiel should try it. Here, why don't you hold it, and I'll kick you in the...
- [Aims for his groin]
- Charlotte: Boys!
- Chloe Decker: You are lucky my daughter likes you so much.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Yes, I'm starting to respect the deceptive little parasite.
- Assistant Dean: No phones on campus, please. Sends a message that our arms aren't actually available to our children
- Lucifer Morningstar: Right.
- [Turns to Chloe]
- Lucifer Morningstar: Detective, this school is weird, and, yes, this case is boring.
- Lucifer Morningstar: [after Charlotte attacks him] What did you expect me to do? Stab you with the blade and have it be ignited by my joy?
- Madison: The good news is bad feelings can be harnessed into good actions. My son Ranger knows this. Right, Ranger?
- [Ranger silently picks his nose]
- Madison: Would anyone else like to try?
- Lucifer Morningstar: Yeah!
- Madison: ...Would any of the *children* like to volunteer?
- Lucifer Morningstar: [Whispers] For a progressive school, it's rather ageist.
- Chloe Decker: I am gonna tie a bell around your neck at some point.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Oh, sounds like a fun bit of foreplay.
- Dan Espinoza: Can you explain to us why your son would draw this, Ms. Sherman?
- Joy: I'm not sure what it even is.
- Chloe Decker: He says it's you killing Debbie.
- Joy: Oh, he was listening to me.
- [Smiles proudly]
- Joy: He never listens to me.
- Lucifer Morningstar: You're saying the blade can sense my emotional state? It's the most powerful weapon in the universe, Mum... The sword that guarded Eden, not a groovy mood ring.
- Assistant Dean: Debbie did get into a rather ugly fight with the parents of a child who'd been denied admission. It got vicious.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Ooh. Fisticuffs? Beat-down at the bike sheds after the final bell?
- Assistant Dean: No, verbally vicious.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Ah, terrible grammar.
- Lucifer Morningstar: [about Azrael's blade] What am I supposed to do, dip it in some whiskey and light a match?
- Charlotte: Last time it caught flame, you were angry, so think about your Father, that should do it. L
- Lucifer Morningstar: All right.
- [Stares at the knife dramatically. Nothing happens]
- Lucifer Morningstar: Nope. Right, back to my whiskey plan.
- Lucifer Morningstar: What is it you normally do?
- Mr. Taylor: Uh, I'm the movement and wellness mentor.
- Lucifer Morningstar: So you're the P.E. teacher. Lovely.
- Lucifer Morningstar: If I wanted to attend an art class, I would have at least had the sense to take one with a nude model.
- Mazikeen: Fancy pants rich kids are vipers and Trixie will slash them with her words. And I will teach her the knives.
- Lucifer Morningstar: You don't even have your powers.
- Amenadiel: Yeah, thanks for that reminder, Luci.