Lucifer (TV Series)
God Johnson (2017)
Tom Ellis: Lucifer Morningstar
Photos
Quotes
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Ella Lopez : Is it really so crazy? I mean, what if God was one of us?
Chloe Decker : Just a slob, like one of us.
Ella Lopez : Exactly. Or just a..
Chloe Decker : A stranger on a bus.
Lucifer Morningstar : My father would never use public transport. That song is completely unrealistic.
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Lucifer Morningstar : Here's me being super-duper helpful: before the orderlies took the victim away, she told me who did attack her.
Chloe Decker : Great. Who is it?
Lucifer Morningstar : Santa Claus.
[Chloe sighs]
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Lucifer Morningstar : You are a patronizing, sinister... helicopter parent!
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Lucifer Morningstar : I'm trying to recreate their first date.
Linda Martin : You're... What? Wait. You're trying to Parent Trap God and the Divine Goddess?
Lucifer Morningstar : What? It worked in the movie.
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God Johnson : Hey, does this mean you're not angry at your dad anymore?
Lucifer Morningstar : No, I'm not angry. I'm bloody furious.
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Lucifer Morningstar : Okay, you've all been chosen to help with a very special mission called "Operation: Help Lucifer Escape from the Hospital".
God Johnson : Mm, it's a little on the nose, son.
Lucifer Morningstar : You are literally the judgiest person in the universe.
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Lucifer Morningstar : I can reveal the truth about the Supreme Being you've chosen to impersonate. I bet you wanted to be God because He's benevolent, all-powerful, yada yada. But in actual fact, He's a dick.
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Linda Martin : God and His ex having a fight to the death? Sounds kind of bad for, you know, humanity.
Lucifer Morningstar : [Waves hand] Oh, you'll probably be fine.
Linda Martin : *Probably*?
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God Johnson : [after waking up from his "God" persona] What this? What-What just happened?
Lucifer Morningstar : What are you talking about? We just beat Santa.
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Lucifer Morningstar : Detective! Woohoo!
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Lucifer Morningstar : Now the sword's complete, we can get on with our plan.
[the piece falls from the sword]
Lucifer Morningstar : ... Or not. Maybe there's another piece missing
Amenadiel : [Annoyed] Or maybe a dragon has to breathe on it. Who knows?
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Lucifer Morningstar : How does this God Johnson know Samael, hmm? My name.
Amenadiel : Oh, wait, I know.
Lucifer Morningstar : You do?
Amenadiel : The Internet! It's truly amazing what you can find online. Have you seen that video with the cat that jumps inside the box?
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Lucifer Morningstar : I love the mentally ill. I mean, who isn't amused by someone who thinks they're Elvis or Napoleon or Wesley Snipes?
Chloe Decker : Who found the body?
Dan Espinoza : God.
Lucifer Morningstar : Ah! See?
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Lucifer Morningstar : You are literally the judgiest person in the universe. You know that, Dad?
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Tourettes Todd : Pig farts! Crash and burn.
Lucifer Morningstar : Oh, I see, you're one of those. Right.
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Lucifer Morningstar : What do you know about God Johnson?
Pyro Pete : I like fire.
Lucifer Morningstar : Right, never mind.
Normal Ned : Maybe I can help. I did see him perform a miracle.
Lucifer Morningstar : [Perks up] Really?
Normal Ned : ...He scored me an extra Jell-O at snack time. Shh.
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Lucifer Morningstar : Mum and Dad together are their own worst punishment.
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Lucifer Morningstar : I'm not the Devil, I'm just a man who's delusional.