- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Stuart, you cooked?
- Howard Wolowitz: How did you know it wasn't me?
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: There's only three people in this house, and you'd still be my fifth guess.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Sheldon, I know what you did, now change the password back.
- Sheldon Cooper: Well, powder me in sugar and call me a doughnut, if it isn't Leonard Hofstadter.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Sheldon, I'm warning you, I can play this game, too.
- Sheldon Cooper: If it's like your 3-D chess game, then you're out of your length, width and depth. Amy, get the Neosporin, someone just got burned!
- Leonard Hofstadter: All right, I tried.
- Sheldon Cooper: "All right, I tried." That should be the title of your autobiography. Ooh, a second degree burn.
- [Closes door on Leonard; Amy enters]
- Amy Farrah Fowler: I've got the Neosporin. Who got hurt?
- Sheldon Cooper: It's a good thing you're cute.
- Penny Hofstadter: I think I'm gonna go for a run. You want to come?
- Leonard Hofstadter: No, last time that old lady in the park kept screaming, "Watch out, he's right behind you."
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Sheldon, you're, you're being a little selfish. Why don't you let Leonard keep a few things?
- Sheldon Cooper: It's not my fault I'm bad at sharing; I skipped kindergarten.
- Leonard Hofstadter: You're good at revenge. How do we get him back?
- Penny Hofstadter: Well, my go-to move is usually to sleep with the person's boyfriend, but I feel like I'm already doing that.
- Sheldon Cooper: Leonard, I would like us to stop fighting about our possessions.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I'd like that too.
- Sheldon Cooper: In fact, I want you to keep the apartment flag. And I'm not just saying that because it touched your genitals.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Promise?
- Sheldon Cooper: I do. And to show you that there are no hard feelings, I am willing to rub my genitals on it as well.
- Theodore: Well, if we're rubbing genitals on things, that's where I shine.
- [first lines]
- Amy Farrah Fowler: If we're going to be staying in this apartment, would you be interested in doing a little redecorating?
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh, actually... I would.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Great! Wh-what did you have in mind?
- Sheldon Cooper: Let's take every single thing from the other apartment and put it in here.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Well, how 'bout we start a little smaller, like... moving the furniture around.
- Sheldon Cooper: Y'know, I have always felt that this couch would look *fantastic* on the curb in front of the building.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Look, we can't just throw away Penny's stuff, but we can ask if she wants any of it back.
- Sheldon Cooper: Know, I wonder how she feels about all this artwork.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Well, I'm sure she misses this one. I mean it's the greatest gift I've ever given anybody.
- [they look at the large painting of Amy and Penny]
- Sheldon Cooper: It truly does capture the beauty of your friendship with Penny.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: It may have appreciated in value. The artist killed himself shortly after painting that.
- Sheldon Cooper: Yeah, it seems only right that she have it back.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Can't wait to see the look on her face when I give it to her again.
- [Penny looks horrified as they bring the painting to the other apartment]
- Sheldon Cooper: Look, it's the same smile she has in the painting!
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: I guess you could stay for a few days, and we'll see how it goes.
- Stuart Bloom: Thank you. And it's only temporary; just 'til I get back on my feet. Or the baby goes off to college - whichever happens first.
- Sheldon Cooper: [Finds Leonard wearing the apartment flag while doing the laundry] What do you think you're doing?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Separating my delicates.
- Sheldon Cooper: This is the level you're stooping to?
- Leonard Hofstadter: [Takes off underwear] No, this is the level I am stooping to. I believe that is flag to crotch four. Checkmate! Easy-peasy, ooh, so breezy!
- [last lines]
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Howard!
- Howard Wolowitz: Guys, you heard her; go see what she wants.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: [she enters] I think I'm in labour.
- Howard Wolowitz: Wh- wh- OK, OK. I-I-I I can do this. We have a plan. Somebody please tell me the plan!
- Stuart Bloom: I'll get the hospital bag,
- Raj Koothrappali: I'll pull the van out.
- Stuart Bloom: Meet outside in two minutes.
- Raj Koothrappali: Team Baby, go!
- [they chest bump and run out]
- Howard Wolowitz: I love you.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: I love you too.
- [they kiss and Stuart runs back in]
- Stuart Bloom: Are we hugging or having a baby? Let's go!
- Raj Koothrappali: Stuart, what are you doing here?
- Stuart Bloom: Oh, I live here now.
- Raj Koothrappali: Do Howard and Bernadette know, or is this like a "possum in the walls" kind of thing?
- Sheldon Cooper: Come, Amy. I know when I'm not wanted.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: I don't think you do, but all right.
- Howard Wolowitz: We have a butler. If I had a Batsuit, I'd be Bruce Wayne.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: You do have a Batsuit.
- Howard Wolowitz: It's just pajamas. There's no cape.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Can I help you?
- Theodore: I don't think so, but you're sweet for asking.
- Penny Hofstadter: What are you doing in our apartment?
- Theodore: I'm renting a room from your neighbor. Tall guy, dressed like a little boy.
- Leonard Hofstadter: What do you think you're doing?
- Sheldon Cooper: Since my room is paid up until the end of the month, I can do with it whatever I please, which includes renting it out for a dollar a night.
- Theodore: It' s like the forties again.
- Sheldon Cooper: Anyway, I'll let you be. Oh, he's expecting a newspaper in the morning. Apparently, they're still making them.
- Penny Hofstadter: Sheldon, this is way over the line.
- Sheldon Cooper: It's true, but had I done something under the line, there wouldn't be a man in your kitchen who can't produce a single form of ID.
- Theodore: Oh, I have a receipt from the blood bank. I'm O-negative.
- Sheldon Cooper: And now you know as much about him as I do.
- Penny Hofstadter: [as Leonard adjusts the painting of Penny and Amy] Little lower to the left. Little more.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Good?
- Penny Hofstadter: No, still hideous.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I'm sure at some point, we won't even notice it's there.
- Penny Hofstadter: Yeah, you'd think that, but after a while it starts showing up in your dreams.
- Theodore: I think it brings the room together.
- Raj Koothrappali: So, I was reading how it's a good idea for new parents to take an infant CPR class.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Yeah, we've been meaning to do that.
- Stuart Bloom: Oh, I know a CPR instructor who'll come to the house.
- Howard Wolowitz: That'd be great.
- Stuart Bloom: I'll give him a call. We met when I was sleeping on the beach and he thought I was dead.