- Mary Cooper: Shelly, how do I put this? By your third birthday you had memorized over a thousand different kinds of trains... and I never imagined a woman getting aboard any of them.
- Sheldon Cooper: What's a... You thought I was going to be alone for the rest my life?
- Mary Cooper: No, just for the middle part. At the end I assumed there'd be nurses.
- Sheldon Cooper: This is highly insulting!
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Sheldon, don't over-react.
- Sheldon Cooper: I'm the child she was worried about! I have a brother and sister whose combined intellectual wattage couldn't power a potato clock! If I spotted them the potato!
- Sheldon Cooper: I was acting odd intentionally.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Really? So you can control it?
- Penny Hofstadter: How was Texas?
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh, you know, the Lone Star State. That should be its Yelp rating.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: [Sheldon has stormed off to his room] He's been in there a long time. Should I go talk to him?
- Mary Cooper: He's upset with me; I should be the one who talks to him.
- [she continues knitting]
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Are you going to?
- Mary Cooper: Oh heck no.
- Sheldon Cooper: We've known about evolution since 1859; she still believes in Noah and his amazing zoo boat.
- [first lines]
- Penny Hofstadter: Hey, can you help me put some of the food out?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Uh, let me finish packing this stuff up. You know how Sheldon is if he sees Christmas stuff lying around after New Years.
- Penny Hofstadter: Yeah, but he doesn't live here anymore.
- Leonard Hofstadter: He doesn't live at Walmart, but he still threw a tantrum when he saw Marshmallow Peeps after Easter.And that's the same man who complains you can't find Marshmallow Peeps after Easter!
- Penny Hofstadter: [Penny gets a text on her phone] Oh, its Bernadette. She says they're running late. The baby threw up on Howard, and then Howard threw up on Howard.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Well, he didn't throw up on the baby. That's a win.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: [the baby is crying loudly] Please stop crying, I'm begging you. I don't know what else to do. My boobs are empty; do you want lasagna?
- [last lines]
- Amy Farrah Fowler: That was fun; thank you.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Yeah, thanks.
- Penny Hofstadter: Our pleasure.
- Leonard Hofstadter: See you guys at work.
- Raj Koothrappali: Be there bright and early.
- Howard Wolowitz: Not me; paternity leave.
- Sheldon Cooper: Agh. A small human wreaks havoc on his wife's genitals, and he gets time off.
- Howard Wolowitz: With pay, sucka!
- [they leave and Sheldon and Penny start to clear up. Then Howard returns]
- Howard Wolowitz: Forgot the baby. Still new to this.
- Sheldon Cooper: Well, I was her special little boy, and she did take my flower.
- Penny Hofstadter: Do boys have flowers?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Who knows what he has down there?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: I'm your girlfriend. By saying you're a weirdo, she's saying I'm a weirdo too.
- Sheldon Cooper: She is not.
- Sheldon Cooper: [In present] And?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: That's exactly what she was saying.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: [Enters with Howard and Halley] Hello, we're here.
- Penny Hofstadter: Aw, it's the little family.
- [Raj and Stuart enter carrying baby stuff]
- Raj Koothrappali: Hello.
- Leonard Hofstadter: And their sherpas.
- Penny Hofstadter: What did Sheldon look like with an earring?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Like the pirate who helps the other pirates connect to the internet.
- Sheldon Cooper: [Referring to his mother being okay with him and Amy "living in sin" together] Really? Where's the judgment? Where's the fire and brimstone? Where's the part where you say we're going to Hell, and I point to the window and say, "Have you seen the size of the bugs outside? We're already there."?
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: How come Stuart can get her to stop crying but I can't?
- Howard Wolowitz: It's Stuart. Maybe she's playing possum until he goes away.