Jimmy Kimmel Live! (TV Series)
Tracy Morgan/Kaitlin Olson/D.R.A.M. & Erykah Badu (2017)
Jimmy Kimmel: Self - Host
Quotes
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Himself - Who's The Baby Daddy: Jimmy Kimmel or Matt Damon : There's *no WAY* that Jimmy could be the father of Molly's baby! He doesn't even have a DICK!
Himself - Host : If Matt is the father of Molly's baby, I will sue him, I will sue Molly, I will sue Maury, I'll sue the baby! I will SUE!
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Himself - Host : [Matt is not the father] whoooaaaa! You are NOT the father! You are not the father!
[points at his crotch]
Himself - Host : Look at that right there, that's the FATHER!
[singing and dancing all around Matt]
Himself - Host : Whoooooaaaa, he's not the father!
Himself - Who's The Baby Daddy: Jimmy Kimmel or Matt Damon : I can't believe we had that much sex and you didn't get pregnant by me.
Herself - Who's The Baby Daddy: Jimmy Kimmel or Matt Damon : I'm sorry.
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Tracy Morgan : [Tracy Morgan has been revealed to be the baby's father] I'm *every* baby's Daddy!
[Tracy and Molly kiss and cuddle in front of Jimmy]
Himself - Host : Is this true?
Herself - Who's The Baby Daddy: Jimmy Kimmel or Matt Damon : How could either of you satisfy me when all you *really want* is each other?
Maury Povich - Who's The Baby Daddy: Jimmy Kimmel or Matt Damon : Guys, it's been obvious for years.
[Jimmy and Matt are holding hands]
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[Matt claims to have fathered Molly's baby]
Himself - Host : You promised me that you were going to *stop fucking my girlfriends!*
Himself - Who's The Baby Daddy: Jimmy Kimmel or Matt Damon : And I did. She's not your girlfriend.
Himself - Host : She's my WIFE! That's worse! That's actually WORSE!
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Himself - Who's The Baby Daddy: Jimmy Kimmel or Matt Damon : [talking to Molly's belly] Hello, baby. We don't know if you're a boy or girl, but you've got your choice of Daddies. You can one have one Daddy who's an Emmy LOSER.
Himself - Host : Emmy Nominee.
Himself - Who's The Baby Daddy: Jimmy Kimmel or Matt Damon : Same difference. Or you could have a Daddy who's an *Oscar winner*. You wanna play with Daddy's Oscar?
Himself - Host : It was a weak year.
Himself - Who's The Baby Daddy: Jimmy Kimmel or Matt Damon : You wanna play with Daddy's Oscar?
Himself - Host : Yeah, you could have a Daddy who made out with Liberace.
Himself - Who's The Baby Daddy: Jimmy Kimmel or Matt Damon : That was acting.
Himself - Host : Yeah right, acting. That was real life. Acting *is* your real life.
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Himself - Host : Special thanks to Tracy Morgan and Martin Short. By the way, Matt Damon has a new movie "The Great Wall" coming out soon. Please, don't go see it.
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Himself - Host : Who's the father?
Maury Povich - Who's The Baby Daddy: Jimmy Kimmel or Matt Damon : Molly, when it comes to your unborn baby...
[suspense music]
Tracy Morgan : Guess who's coming to dinner?
Maury Povich - Who's The Baby Daddy: Jimmy Kimmel or Matt Damon : Tracy, you are the father!