- Josh Hamid: I thought you weren't real cops. I mean, a guy named Lucifer and the chick from Hot Tub Hotel?
- Lucifer Morningstar: "High School". Hot Tub High School. She wasn't in the sequel.
- Amenadiel: So what happened?
- Lucifer Morningstar: It was terrible, Brother. I was kidnapped.
- Amenadiel: No, Luci. I meant Mom.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Oh. Well, didn't you get my text?
- Amenadiel: What, you mean the string of nonsensical emojis? Fire, Sword, Doughnut, Spaceman, Clock, Dancing Lady, Flashlight, Thumbs Up?
- Lucifer Morningstar: What's your name?
- Lee: Said out, bitch.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Mr. Said Out Bitch, tell me, what is it you really desire?
- Lucifer Morningstar: It's quite simple... it's just snip, snip, and Bob's your uncle.
- Linda Martin: Well, God's your Father, Lucifer. And things are never simple with Him.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Isn't that ironic? You want your wings back and didn't get them, and I...
- [Stops himself from admitting the truth]
- Lucifer Morningstar: ... Get whacked over the head and hauled out to the desert.
- Amenadiel: That's not ironic.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Well, not "ironic" ironic. More... Alanis Morissette ironic.
- Marcus Pierce: You must be Lucifer.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Morningstar, pleasure.
- [puts out his hand]
- Marcus Pierce: There was an investigation last year. We interviewed, what was it, 92 of your sexual partners? I think I'll refrain from physical contact if you don't mind.
- [Lucifer scoffs]
- Marcus Pierce: You don't seem reckless. Narcissistic, hedonistic. That I see.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Well, thank you very much.
- Marcus Pierce: Not a compliment. Your file's as long as my johnson.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Quick read then?
- Marcus Pierce: Hardly.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Well, I for one don't need a file to ascertain you haven't even had a snog in ages, have you?
- Marcus Pierce: Accurate.
- Chloe Decker: [Angrily] What are you doing?
- Lucifer Morningstar: Consulting!
- Chloe Decker: Then consult less.
- Ella Lopez: We haven't officially met yet. I'm Ella.
- [She hugs him]
- Amenadiel: Amenadiel.
- Ella Lopez: I mean, I've seen you around, doing your handsome broody thing, but... Anyway, any bro of Lucifer's is a bro of mine.
- [Pats his arm]
- Ella Lopez: Whoa. Someone works out. Now I know who carries the guns in the family.
- Lucifer Morningstar: How did we get stuck with the "B" team, anyway?
- Chloe Decker: Lucifer, this is Lancaster PD. The crime scene is on the L.A. border, so they're here helping.
- Ella Lopez: I mean, I think they're doing a great job.
- Dan Espinoza: [Arrives at the scene] Geez. These Lancaster guys are a bunch of tools.
- Amenadiel: My ego should never be an issue. I am an angel. A soldier of God. His favorite son.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Oh, that's gonna be a thing, isn't it?
- Linda Martin: I didn't know that they could grow back. Are wings like... body hair?
- Lucifer Morningstar: No. Don't be so ridiculous. This is Dad's latest stunt. A celestial spanking, if you will. I suppose that's what I get for giving Mum her own universe.
- Officer in Charge: Partner name and badge number!
- Lucifer Morningstar: Oh, for goodness' sake. Detective Decker. I'm afraid I don't know her badge number. But I'd say with certainty she's a 34-B, if that helps.
- Uni: Checks out.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Well, of course it does... I'm never wrong when it comes to cup size.
- Chloe Decker: [to Dan] If you're upset about what the lieutenant said, you're not alone. He's not a fan of mine, either. And I still can't believe he called me "Lucifer's partner."
- Lucifer Morningstar: You are my partner!
- Amenadiel: Lucifer, I'm not angry with you that you somehow got your wings back, or even that you cut them off again. As foul as that may be. I'm angry with myself. Because somehow, I made you feel like you couldn't confide in me.
- Amenadiel: Well, comparing body parts is never good for the male ego, especially between brothers.
- Lucifer Morningstar: I'm sure your full powers will come back in no time. You probably just need... a good nap. Or eat some mangos. I've heard they work wonders.
- Sam: I don't know your dad. Unless, is your, is your dad the Sinnerman?
- Lucifer Morningstar: Quite the opposite.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Have you ever heard of someone named the Sinnerman?
- Amenadiel: The Sinnerman? No. Why?
- Lucifer Morningstar: That's who kidnapped me. At first, I thought it was a... an emissary on Earth working on Dad's behalf, but then, the more I think about it, the more I think... maybe this isn't our Father who art in Heaven at all. But something much, much darker.
- Linda Martin: You don't know why for sure your wings have returned.
- Lucifer Morningstar: They've returned because Dad is a control freak. He's pissed off that He can't get Mum back, so He stuck my wings back on. But I am not His Mr. Potato Head.
- Amenadiel: Listen, Father, He... Works in mysterious ways. I was tested once and I failed. I'm not gonna fail again. Because this time, I have faith.