- Linda Martin: [after Dan accidentally cracks Lucifer's wall] Oh, don't worry. Oh. I've had a lot of experience with giant holes...
- [Dan raises eyebrows]
- Linda Martin: ... In walls.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Hanging out with a cop in Las Vegas is like bringing your grandmother to an orgy.
- Chloe Decker: [about her birthday gift] What is it?
- Lucifer Morningstar: It's the bullet from when you shot me. Remember in the warehouse, early in our partnership?
- Chloe Decker: Oh. Yeah. I remember.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Well, I thought since I'll never likely penetrate you, I'd commemorate the one time you penetrated me.
- Chloe Decker: [Trying to crack Lucifer's safe] Damn it, 6-6-6 didn't work, either.
- Linda Martin: Try 8-0-0-8.
- Chloe Decker: 8-0-0-8?
- Linda Martin: It spells "boob."
- Lucifer Morningstar: Candy's not a killer.
- Ella Lopez: No, just a thieving con woman. You knew her one week.
- Lucifer Morningstar: TWO weeks.
- Lucifer Morningstar: [Looking at body] This is not Candy.
- Ella Lopez: [shouting] Oh, man, that's awesome!
- [Everyone at crime scene turns to look at her]
- Lucifer Morningstar: Sorry, my-my friend here. Not a fan of the deceased, I'm afraid.
- Ella Lopez: Mean, she was just so mean.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Women.
- Ella Lopez: Why don't you tell them about your crimes?
- Roxie Pagliani: What?
- Lucifer Morningstar: Yes. J'accuse. First of all, of mixing Corinthian and Doric columns in your McMansion.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Nothing for the birthday girl to worry about. I want you to focus on one thing only, Detective. That is getting older.
- [Chloe makes a face]
- Chloe Decker: [Fake accent] "I'm Lucifer Morningstar. I can play the piano and I'm a fancy British man."
- Linda Martin: Let's go take a peek at his sock drawer.
- Chloe Decker: But, Dr. Martin, you're his therapist. Aren't there rules against that?
- Linda Martin: Trust me. There's nothing I don't know about Lucifer Morningstar.
- Chloe Decker: Except what's in his sock drawer.
- Linda Martin: [On the phone] What you doing in Vegas?
- Lucifer Morningstar: Well...
- [Sees Ella all dolled up]
- Lucifer Morningstar: Don't you look ravishing.
- Linda Martin: Lucifer?
- Lucifer Morningstar: Uh, sorry, I've got to go, Doctor. Speak soon.
- [Hangs up]
- Chloe Decker: ...What did he say at the end there?
- Linda Martin: Um, something about...
- [Tries to cover]
- Linda Martin: ... Radishes.
- Linda Martin: [Finds an old book at Lucifer's] Hamlet.
- [Reads inscription on the first page]
- Linda Martin: "Thanks for the punch up. Love, Will." Wow.
- Ella Lopez: Ixnay on the ot-nay andy-cay.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Sorry, is that German? 'Cause if it is, it's absolutely awful. Trust me, I should know. Hitler was a talker. Well, screamer, actually.
- Lucifer Morningstar: What sort of casino back room is this anyway? I mean, where's the dangling lightbulb and the bloodstained floor? Where's Joe Pesci?
- [Looks at the guards]
- Lucifer Morningstar: It seems maiming us isn't even in their agenda. Quite frankly, I'm disappointed, gentlemen.
- Roxie Pagliani: I want the pro golfer on table four. Bad. I've been trying to pick up his sweet ass for two days straight. I worked a triple shift just to keep him in my sights, and I think I'm really close to getting a hole in one. You know what I mean?