- Leonard Hofstadter: That was just because my mother got in my head. It's like being possessed, but instead of Satan it's... it- actually it's the same thing.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: He's getting better with dogs. Last week, he took a picture with Pluto at Disneyland.
- Sheldon Cooper: If real dogs gave out buttons, I'd like them too.
- [first lines]
- Leonard Hofstadter: Aw, man, did you see this post from Raj?
- Penny Hofstadter: What? Is it another video of him and his dog lady-and-the-tramping some spaghetti?
- Leonard Hofstadter: No, he can't afford his apartment, and he's asking if anyone knows of a cheap place to live. I want to say India, but it seems mean.
- [cut to Howard chuckling as Bernadette gets into bed with him]
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: What's so funny?
- Howard Wolowitz: Raj is looking for a cheap place to live, and I wrote India.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Don't post that. Be supportive.
- Howard Wolowitz: Maybe you should be supportive of my hilarious jokes. Fine, what should we do?
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: We're smart; I'm sure we can think of something.
- Howard Wolowitz: Want to let him live here?
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Oh, we're smarter than that.
- [Cut to Sheldon and Amy in bed]
- Sheldon Cooper: I know our apartment is small, but I think we could make room.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: No! We are not getting a life-size Spider-Man statue!
- Leonard Hofstadter: [about Raj] We do have Sheldon's old room. If her really needs a place to stay, I guess we should offer it to him.
- Penny Hofstadter: You're a good friend.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Am I still a good friend if I wait and hope that Howard offers him a place to live first?
- Penny Hofstadter: You're an even better husband.
- Leonard Hofstadter: You are not a burden. We want you to come back and stay with us.
- Raj Koothrappali: But I also upset Sheldon, and he's not going to want to come over if I'm there.
- Penny Hofstadter: More reasons for you to stay.
- Sheldon Cooper: Beverly, do you have time? Leonard tells me that you're busy.
- Dr. Beverly Hofstadter: Oh, I just say that because he prattles.
- [last lines]
- Sheldon Cooper: D'you know what? I'm proud of us. Yeah, with Penny and Leonard taking in Raj and Stuart living with Howard and Bernadette, we're the only couple of our social group who doesn't need to fill the holes in their relationship with a third party.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: [flatly] Yup, we're killing it.
- [Sheldon looks over at a life-size statue of Batman]
- Amy Farrah Fowler: No! No Hulk, no Batman, no life-size statues!
- Sheldon Cooper: Boy, I'm starting to think you didn't mean it when you said you wanted to spruce up the place.
- Howard Wolowitz: You have a Raj, I have a Stuart, maybe we could take them to the park, let 'em run together.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I don't know. Yours looks like he has worms.
- Penny Hofstadter: You didn't do anything. It's Sheldon.
- Leonard Hofstadter: "You didn't do anything. It's Sheldon." That'd make a nice needlepoint pillow.
- Sheldon Cooper: ...Penny would be the entrée, Leonard is basically a cheese course, and because I love you so much, you're dessert.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: I wanna say "aww", but I"m gonna say "eww".
- Sheldon Cooper: Beverly, you know I hold you in high esteem. Could you please skip the part where you pretend not to know the answer and get to the part where you tell me the answer?
- Dr. Beverly Hofstadter: Very well, but if you don't mind, I would like to pause for effect.
- [pause]
- Dr. Beverly Hofstadter: Now...
- Raj Koothrappali: How's the bathroom situation with Penny? Is there hair everywhere? Does she use your loofah?
- Leonard Hofstadter: I don't have a loofah.
- Raj Koothrappali: Well, you can't use mine, so don't ask.
- Sheldon Cooper: Penny, this flyer came in the mail and is addressed to "occupant". I'm not sure if it's for you or me.
- Penny Hofstadter: What's it for?
- Sheldon Cooper: Uh, roof cleaning.
- Penny Hofstadter: It's yours.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: There are a lot of memories wrapped up in that room for me too. The first time you told me you loved me was in that room.
- Sheldon Cooper: Wrong. We were standing outside my room in the hallway.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: And there's the love of which I speak.
- Penny Hofstadter: We're happy to have you.
- Raj Koothrappali: Thank you, but how do I know you're not saying that just to be nice?
- Penny Hofstadter: You actually paid for that haircut?
- Raj Koothrappali: That'll do it.
- Raj Koothrappali: I have a PHD in astrophysics.
- Stuart Bloom: Great. It'll be easier for you to look up at the stars without a roof over your head.
- Sheldon Cooper: I spoke with Leonard's mother and she made me feel better.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I don't know who you talked to but that wasn't my mother.
- Leonard Hofstadter: [reading a note from Raj] p.s. Cinnamon's with me, but if you feel like messing with Sheldon, tell him she's loose in the building.