The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)
The Sibling Realignment (2018)
Jim Parsons: Sheldon Cooper
Photos
Quotes
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Sheldon Cooper : [on the phone] That's not right. It's so unreasonable. Yeah, well, if you're going to be like this, then I don't want to talk to you right now, either. Okay. I love you. Bye.
Amy Farrah Fowler : [he hangs up] Amazon customer support?
Sheldon Cooper : No, my mother. Guess who she's insisting we invite to our wedding.
Amy Farrah Fowler : Jesus?
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Sheldon Cooper : I'm trying to invite my stupid brother to my wedding, and he's avoiding my calls.
Raj Koothrappali : You don't know he's avoiding your calls.
[Sheldon dials his phone and puts the call on speakerphone]
George Cooper Jr. : Hey, you've reached George Cooper. Please leave a message, unless this is Sheldon again, in which case please try me on my other number, 1-800-SUCKIT.
Sheldon Cooper : See? And I know that's not a real number because why would it be toll-free?
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Leonard Hofstadter : We're looking for a Georgie Cooper.
Margaret : One second. I'll check to see if the doctor's in.
Sheldon Cooper : He is not a doctor. There's only one doctor here and it's me.
Leonard Hofstadter : [insulted] I'm also a doctor.
Sheldon Cooper : You want to wait in the car?
Leonard Hofstadter : I wanted to wait in California.
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Sheldon Cooper : This is all Georgie's fault. My whole childhood, he was mean to me.
Leonard Hofstadter : Sorry. I know what it's like to live with a bully.
Sheldon Cooper : Your brother bullied you?
Leonard Hofstadter : Oh, I was talking about Penny, but sure, yeah.
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George Cooper Jr. : You're my baby brother, Sheldon. I know life has been hard for you, but that doesn't mean it's been easy for the rest of us.
Sheldon Cooper : I suppose I didn't think about how it was for everyone else.
George Cooper Jr. : No, that's all right. I know you didn't.
Sheldon Cooper : I'm sorry.
George Cooper Jr. : Thank you.
Sheldon Cooper : And it would mean a lot to me to have my big brother at my wedding.
George Cooper Jr. : I wouldn't miss it.
Leonard Hofstadter : [choking up] Is it me, or did we just patch a tire?
Sheldon Cooper : He said "never patch." Do you even listen?
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Raj Koothrappali : Hey, why didn't you invite him in the first place?
Sheldon Cooper : You don't know what it was like growing up with him.
Raj Koothrappali : I get it; I grew up with lots of brothers. My brother Adoot was especially mean.
Leonard Hofstadter : Really? I've never heard you mention Adoot.
Raj Koothrappali : Yeah, sure I have. He's the one who left the door open when were kids, and my pet mongoose ran away. Stupid Adoot!
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Leonard Hofstadter : So, wait, y-your brother is Dr. Tire?
Sheldon Cooper : Yes, and apparently, it only takes half a semester of community college to get that particular doctorate.
Leonard Hofstadter : We passed three of these stores on the way here. Why did you say he's just some loser who sells tires?
Sheldon Cooper : You're right, that was unfair. He's a loser who sells more tires than anyone in Texas.
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Leonard Hofstadter : [seeing a cardboard cutout] So, is this Georgie?
Sheldon Cooper : Yes. And what is he even using that stethoscope to listen to?
Leonard Hofstadter : I don't know. Small leak?
Sheldon Cooper : All right, that makes sense.
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George Cooper Jr. : What the hell are you doing here?
Sheldon Cooper : Hello, Georgie.
George Cooper Jr. : It's just George now.
Sheldon Cooper : Fine, George. No, I don't like it. Georgie.
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George Cooper Jr. : Hold up. I-I'm confused. You didn't want me at your wedding, but now that mom won't come, you want me there.
Sheldon Cooper : I know you don't hear this a lot, but that is exactly right. Good job.
Leonard Hofstadter : Not helping, Sheldon.
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George Cooper Jr. : You want me at your wedding, all you gotta do is ask nicely.
Sheldon Cooper : Georgie.
George Cooper Jr. : George.
Sheldon Cooper : [groaning] I would like you at my wedding.
George Cooper Jr. : Thank you, Sheldon. That is so nice to hear. But I would rather swallow a pregnant wildcat and crap out a litter of kittens.
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Amy Farrah Fowler : You didn't invite your brother to your own wedding?
Sheldon Cooper : He tormented me my whole childhood. I don't think I should reward that type of behavior with a slice of wedding cake in the shape of the Millennium Falcon.
Amy Farrah Fowler : Try again.
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Amy Farrah Fowler : Look, he may have been mean to you when you were kids, but you're both grown men now.
Sheldon Cooper : That's right. I'm a grown-up, and if I don't want to invite him to my wedding, then I won't.
Amy Farrah Fowler : Okay.
Sheldon Cooper : Except I have to 'cause my mommy's making me.
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George Cooper Jr. : I see you haven't changed one bit.
Sheldon Cooper : Thank you. That is a nice thing to say.
Leonard Hofstadter : [offering a handshake] Hey, I'm Leonard. I'm here for-for no reason.
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George Cooper Jr. : What do you want, Sheldon?
Sheldon Cooper : Why aren't you returning my phone calls?
George Cooper Jr. : You're supposed to be the smart one. You figure it out.
Leonard Hofstadter : He's not that kind of smart. You might want to give him a hint.
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George Cooper Jr. : We haven't talked in over ten years, and now that you need something, you think you can just show up at my store? Well, let's just drop everything to accomodate Sheldon.
Sheldon Cooper : Nice try, but I am not a gullible little boy anymore. I can recognize sarcasm.
George Cooper Jr. : Okay. You're right. I'm-I'm-I'm sorry.
[sarcastic]
George Cooper Jr. : Tell me what you need. Your wish is my command.
Sheldon Cooper : That's better. Thank you.
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Sheldon Cooper : No, mother. That's not fair. But he told... yes, ma'am. But I said... yes, ma'am. Goodbye.
Leonard Hofstadter : What'd she say?
Sheldon Cooper : She's not getting in the middle of it because we boys "need to work it out ourselves." Oh, maybe it's fine if she doesn't come to the wedding. I've got Amy now, and she can do everything a mom can do and more.
Leonard Hofstadter : Say that to her on the wedding night. Really spice things up.
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Sheldon Cooper : Once, when I was eight, I was going to dress as my favorite scientist for Halloween, and Georgie threw my costume away. I had to wear a sheet and go as a ghost. Scared myself all night long.
Leonard Hofstadter : Well, look, we don't fly out until the morning. Why don't I try and talk to him, give it one more shot?
Sheldon Cooper : All right. But if he says "Nerd says what?", don't answer him.
Leonard Hofstadter : What?
Sheldon Cooper : You are a lamb to the slaughter.
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Leonard Hofstadter : Sheldon, you need to apologize to your brother.
Sheldon Cooper : [condescending] I'm sorry?
Leonard Hofstadter : [pointing at George] Yes. Like that, but nicer, and that way.
Sheldon Cooper : I have nothing to apologize for.
George Cooper Jr. : I told you this was a bad idea. Sometimes you can't patch a tire. You just got to buy a new one. Actually, that's always the case. Never patch; buy new.
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Sheldon Cooper : While I appreciate your folksy tire wisdom, I don't appreciate what you're putting mom through.
George Cooper Jr. : What would know about what mom's been through? You were never home.
Leonard Hofstadter : Yeah, this is good. Get it all out.
Sheldon Cooper : Not now!
George Cooper Jr. : Shut up!
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George Cooper Jr. : You went away to college after dad died. Who do you think took care of everything?
Sheldon Cooper : Mom did. Mom always took care of everything.
George Cooper Jr. : Mom was a mess. Missy was a dumb teenager. I had to look after both of 'em.
Sheldon Cooper : I talked to mom all the time. If she was upset, she would have told me.
George Cooper Jr. : She was protecting you, you idiot, just like everyone always does.
Sheldon Cooper : If things were bad, then why didn't you tell me?
George Cooper Jr. : Because I was protecting you, too.
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Amy Farrah Fowler : Hey, I-I was thinking, now that you and your brother made up, there's no reason to rush home. Maybe you and Leonard could... could stay for, uh...
[surreptitiously checking her medication instructions]
Amy Farrah Fowler : ...two to three more fun-filled days there.
Sheldon Cooper : That's a great idea! Hey, Leonard, good news. We do have time to visit the Museum of the American Railroad!
Leonard Hofstadter : [coming out of the bathroom] I'd say no, but what's the point?
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Sheldon Cooper : Hello. Room service? I'm calling about the club sandwich on your menu. No, I-I don't want one. I just want you to spell it correctly. Unless the "club" is the Poor Typing Club. Okay. Now, let's discuss this 15% gratuty? Yeah...
[hanging up]
Sheldon Cooper : Well, that was rude. Someone just lost their gratuty.
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Sheldon Cooper : Leonard, you have a brother, right?
Leonard Hofstadter : Yes.
Sheldon Cooper : Is he the worst? Is he an unspeakable abomination? Does the very thought of him make your skin crawl?
Leonard Hofstadter : Well, he laughs at his own jokes, but otherwise, he's okay.
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Sheldon Cooper : [to George] It is fitting that you got into tires, because you are tiresome.
Leonard Hofstadter : [standing to leave] Sheldon, come on.
Sheldon Cooper : Was that too mean?
Leonard Hofstadter : No, not too mean. Not too good, either.
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Amy Farrah Fowler : Hey, how's it going?
Sheldon Cooper : Really good. Georgie's going to come to the wedding.
Amy Farrah Fowler : Oh, that's great!
Sheldon Cooper : Why aren't you looking at the camera?
Amy Farrah Fowler : Oh, you know, I'm just working on my peripheral vision.
Sheldon Cooper : Well, that is nonsense. Your peripheral vision is fine. Are those women's magazines making you feel bad about yourself again?
Amy Farrah Fowler : [covering] Yup, that is what's happening.
Sheldon Cooper : I have told you before, those women are airbrushed to make it look like they have good vision.