The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)
The Sibling Realignment (2018)
Melissa Rauch: Bernadette Rostenkowski
Quotes
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Amy Farrah Fowler : Look at what you've done to me!
Penny Hofstadter : Ah, hey. Could you just, like, not touch my computer or... like, anything else. I just, ugh, I don't want to look like that in your wedding photos.
Amy Farrah Fowler : There aren't gonna be any wedding photos. My fiancé's a germophobe. If he finds out I'm contagious, he'll never come back from Texas.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : What if we tell him the theme of the wedding is "Walking Dead" and this is our zombie makeup?
Amy Farrah Fowler : That'll probably work. We'll call that plan B.
[she shuts the laptop; as Amy leaves, Penny takes the bottle of Purell from her gift bag]
Penny Hofstadter : [pouring it on her computer] Oh, well... turns out this is gonna come in handy after all.
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Bernadette Rostenkowski : So, how was your date?
Raj Koothrappali : [with both eyes puffy and infected] It was going well until my eye dripped in her latte.
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Bernadette Rostenkowski : Aren't you worried it's a little intense to ask someone you just met to go to a wedding?
Raj Koothrappali : I'm running out of time. Wh-wh-why can't there be a service where you can just pay someone to be your date for the evening?
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Like an escort service?
Raj Koothrappali : No, no, no. Y-You wouldn't be paying for sex. I mean, obviously if things went well, it could lead to sex, but-but the money is for, like, you know, her time and companionship.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Oh, I get it. An escort service.
Raj Koothrappali : Stop saying that.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Stop meaning it.
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Penny Hofstadter : [Skyping with Bernadette] Oh, my god.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : [with both eyes puffy and infected] Yeah, I got it, too.
Penny Hofstadter : Wow. You really can't keep your hands off Howard, can you?
Bernadette Rostenkowski : I know, I have a problem. I just wanted to make sure you and Amy didn't get it.
Penny Hofstadter : [quietly] Well, I didn't get it.
Amy Farrah Fowler : [with an infected eye of her own] You infected me a week before my wedding! What am I supposed to do about this?
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Wear a veil?
[Penny laughs, but immediately stops upon seeing Amy's look of anger]
Penny Hofstadter : It is not funny.
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Amy Farrah Fowler : Okay, so each welcome bag gets a schedule of events, a map, and chocolate from me. And from Sheldon, a bottle of Purell, the number for Poison Control in case someone accidentally drinks the Purell, and a laminated table of elements because the American school system is a failure.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : How many out of town guests are there gonna be?
Amy Farrah Fowler : I'm actually not sure. Turns out Sheldon didn't invite his brother.
Penny Hofstadter : Mm. Now it's starting to sound like a wedding.
Amy Farrah Fowler : And his mom said she won't come if his brother's not there.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Ooh, now it's starting to sound like a good wedding.
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Howard Wolowitz : Hey, Bernie? Hey. How do you know if someone has pinkeye?
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Um, their eye would be red, swollen, and probably oozy.
Howard Wolowitz : Okay, thanks. Both kids have pinkeye.
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Amy Farrah Fowler : I'm getting married in a week. You are not giving me pinkeye.
Howard Wolowitz : I don't have pinkeye.
Penny Hofstadter : [jumping off the couch to block his path] Hey! Hey. Hey. Step away from the bride.
Howard Wolowitz : Okay. I'll go back upstairs.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Get in the shower and then take those clothes and burn them.
Penny Hofstadter : Yeah, and all the rest of your clothes!
[not sure if he heard her]
Penny Hofstadter : Ah, worth a shot.
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Bernadette Rostenkowski : We're so sorry we ruined your date.
Amy Farrah Fowler : Oh, boo hoo! His date got ruined. I'm about to get married, and look at me.
Penny Hofstadter : It looks like it's getting better.
Amy Farrah Fowler : Oh, does it? Does it look like that with your *two clear eyes*?
Penny Hofstadter : I'm sorry. Are you mad that I don't have pinkeye?
Amy Farrah Fowler : [simultanously with the others] What do you think?
Bernadette Rostenkowski , Howard Wolowitz , Raj Koothrappali : Yes!
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Bernadette Rostenkowski : Great news! It's bacterial.
[the others all rejoice and high-five]
Bernadette Rostenkowski : What are you doing? Wash your hands.
Amy Farrah Fowler : [to Penny] Not you.