The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)
The Neonatal Nomenclature (2018)
Melissa Rauch: Bernadette Rostenkowski
Photos
Quotes
-
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Okay, if it's not Michael, then what do you want to name him?
Howard Wolowitz : Harry? Like Potter or Houdini.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : It doesn't bother you that I have an old boyfriend named Harry?
Howard Wolowitz : Okay. How 'bout Al or Max or... Ted or Kevin?
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Same answer.
-
Bernadette Rostenkowski : What about Paul?
Howard Wolowitz : Paul. Paul Wolowitz. I like it.
Raj Koothrappali : Ooh, like "Koothra-Paul-i".
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Okay, you ruined it.
-
Sheldon Cooper : [Beginning the play of The Campaign for North Africa] First we must roll to figure out the weather.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : It's the desert. Isn't it supposed to be hot?
Sheldon Cooper : [holds up the "hold on" finger, rolls the dice, then checks one thing in the manual, then holds up the "hold on" finger again, rolls the dice again, then looks at another page in the manual sideways, appearing to read a couple of lines quickly, then] Yes.
-
Sheldon Cooper : Hey, Bernadette, it's your turn. Penny's air force is strafing your supply line in Tobruk.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : We're kind of busy.
Sheldon Cooper : Oh. 'Kay. But you're being pretty rude. Everyone did come over to play this game with you.
-
Amy Farrah Fowler : Sheldon, we're talking about something important here.
Sheldon Cooper : Fine. If you pick a baby name, can we get back to playing?
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Sure.
Sheldon Cooper : All right, here we go. Ranatanata.
Raj Koothrappali : You can't name him Ranatanata.
Sheldon Cooper : Oh, right, it's a boy. That'd be ridiculous. What about Ozymandias?
Penny Hofstadter : Are you making these up or having a stroke?
-
Leonard Hofstadter : Hey, what'd you name him?
Howard Wolowitz : Neil Michael. Neil for Armstrong, Gaiman, and Diamond. Michael because Bernie had to get six stitches.
Amy Farrah Fowler : Neil, that's cute.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : [off screen] But we're calling him Michael!
Howard Wolowitz : I'm not gonna fight her. That kid's head was the size of a cantaloupe.
-
Penny Hofstadter : [Trying to get Bernadette to do some yoga with her] We go down.
[Penny squats down effortlessly, while Bernadette tries using the chair for assistance]
Penny Hofstadter : Then back up.
[She comes back up, but Bernadette is stuck]
Penny Hofstadter : And back up!
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Yeah, hearing you is not the problem.
[Penny gets her cell phone and points it at Bernadette]
Bernadette Rostenkowski : What are you doing? Put that thing away.
Penny Hofstadter : Smile.
[Click. The picture makes Bernadette look like she's going #2]
-
Howard Wolowitz : Honey, babies don't always come on their due date. Halley was two weeks late.
[seeing her expression]
Howard Wolowitz : But this baby's a boy. They don't take as long to get ready.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : What are you doing?
Howard Wolowitz : I'm making the situation better with humor.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Are you?
Howard Wolowitz : Would you rather me make it better with magic?
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Go back to sleep.
Howard Wolowitz : Ta-da!
[he flops back onto his pillow]
Bernadette Rostenkowski : [after a moment of silence] You know, I hear that sex can induce labor.
Howard Wolowitz : [popping back up] Anything for my family.
-
Penny Hofstadter : Hey, Bernie, it's me. I let myself in.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : [sitting on the stairs] Hey.
Penny Hofstadter : What are you doing? I thought you were supposed to be on bed rest.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : That's done, but I've been on stair rest for the last forty-five minutes.
Penny Hofstadter : Here, let me help you.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : [Penny helps her stand up] Yeah. If you really want to help, put on a rubber glove, reach on up there and start pulling.
Penny Hofstadter : I know you're joking, but I grew up on a farm. I'll do it.
-
Penny Hofstadter : You know, when my yoga instructor was pregnant, she told me there are tons of poses that put her right into labor.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : I'll try, but I feel like bendy poses are what got me into this mess.
-
Raj Koothrappali : I'm telling you, there's an acupressure point right above your ankle that can induce contractions.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : All right, but just a warning. My feet are a little swollen.
Raj Koothrappali : Oh, please, Bernadette. I'm sure this... okay.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : What?
Raj Koothrappali : Nothing. Your ankles look fine, and not at all like I just popped open a can of crescent rolls.
-
Sheldon Cooper : Hello.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Let me guess. You're here to try to get me to go into labor.
Sheldon Cooper : Oh, please. I-I'm disgusted when people sneeze, and that's just stuff coming out of their nose. No. I am here to sit with you and keep you company.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Oh, that's nice.
Sheldon Cooper : Yeah, by playing the most complicated board game ever invented: "Campaign for North Africa". I bought it off eBay. It smells a little like chili, but all the pieces are there.
-
Howard Wolowitz : Michael? Really, you think we're naming him Michael?
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Not now, Howard. I'm in the middle of a game.
Sheldon Cooper : You wish. You are hundreds of hours away from the middle.
-
Bernadette Rostenkowski : You know what, maybe we should go.
Howard Wolowitz : Did you have another contraction?
Bernadette Rostenkowski : No. I'm just worried that Sheldon's gonna say "mucus plug" again.
Sheldon Cooper : And I'm worried one's gonna hit me in the eye.
-
Howard Wolowitz : How you feeling?
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Eh. But I am really excited to meet our son.
Howard Wolowitz : Me, too. I thought I'd be super freaked out. But I'm ready for this. Well, not the part where you're in labor and you squeeze my fingers 'till they turn blue.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : [sarcastic] I'm sorry. That must be really painful for you.
-
Howard Wolowitz : I'm sorry I tried to sneak the name past you.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : That's okay.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : I'm sorry I used up so many good names in college. I was really competitive with my roommate.
Howard Wolowitz : Forget about it. Please.
-
Howard Wolowitz : You okay?
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Uh, I think that was a contraction.
Howard Wolowitz : Is it time? Do we need to go the hospital?
Bernadette Rostenkowski : No. We've been through this before. My water hasn't even broken yet.
Sheldon Cooper : Never mind your water. Has your mucus plug popped out?
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Ew, no!
Sheldon Cooper : Oh, you're right. We probably would've heard that.
Penny Hofstadter : It's not a champagne cork. Although, that would be festive.
-
[first lines]
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Howie. Howie, wake up. It's time.
Howard Wolowitz : [waking up] Oh. Did your water break?
Bernadette Rostenkowski : No.
Howard Wolowitz : Are you feeling any contractions?
Bernadette Rostenkowski : No.
Howard Wolowitz : [she starts to climb out of bed] Wait. Well, where are you going?
Bernadette Rostenkowski : To the hospital. Today's my due date, and this crap needs to end now.
-
Penny Hofstadter : Okay, we're gonna start with some nice breathing exercises.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Sorry. I can't think of anything except how flat your belly is.
Penny Hofstadter : Oh, thank you.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Go put on some more clothes, you bitch.
-
Leonard Hofstadter : My mother believes that if you're not prepared mentally, it can delay your body from going into labor.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : So what are you trying to say? It's my fault?
Leonard Hofstadter : [dodging] Raj is crazy. Your ankles aren't that gross.
-
Bernadette Rostenkowski : [seeing "Campaign for North Africa" all laid out] Aw, come on!
Sheldon Cooper : Welcome to the next five to eight weeks of your life.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Sheldon, I said I didn't want to play your game.
Sheldon Cooper : Well, then don't think of it as a game. Think of it as a source of information about one of the lesser-known campaigns of World War II.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : [sarcastic] You're right. That's so much better.
Sheldon Cooper : I know, right?
-
Howard Wolowitz : [Storming into the kitchen] I can't believe you're trying to hijack our son's name.
[seeing she isn't there]
Howard Wolowitz : Bernie?
Bernadette Rostenkowski : [From the other room] This is as fast as I can move! Calm down!
-
Howard Wolowitz : So you're just gonna name him Michael? Were you even gonna tell me?
Bernadette Rostenkowski : I told you.
Howard Wolowitz : When?
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Oh, right. That was Amy.
-
Howard Wolowitz : I don't want to name our son after your father.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : I didn't want to say this, but he's dying.
Howard Wolowitz : He is?
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Eventually. I mean, you see the way the man eats.
Howard Wolowitz : Okay, is this the hormones, or have you always been a lunatic?
Bernadette Rostenkowski : I don't even know anymore.
-
Howard Wolowitz : Bernie, this is our kid's name. I think we should both agree.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : You're right. We both made this baby.
Howard Wolowitz : Thank you.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : And I carried it, had to stay in bed for four months, sacrificed my body and my job, and soon it's gonna burst its way out of me like the Kool-Aid Man.
Howard Wolowitz : Exactly. Fifty/fifty.
-
Sheldon Cooper : Bernadette, it's your turn.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : What about Greg?
Sheldon Cooper : All right, I'll just roll for you.
[he does so]
Sheldon Cooper : Ooh! That is a good one! Your troops' morale rating is pretty high. Now, Leonard, as the defender, we need to subtract your morale rating from Bernadette's to get a final adjusted morale rating for the assault. And I will just check the assault differential column. Ooh! Who said war was hell? Yeah, that's a rhetorical question. Sherman said it.