- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Thanks for letting me put Halley in your room.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Yeah, no problem.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Oh, and Penny, she kinda threw up on your stuffed bear.
- Penny Hofstadter: Oh, that's okay.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Hey. Tha... that's an Ewok, and it's mine.
- Penny Hofstadter: Yeah, which is why it's okay.
- Sheldon Cooper: See? He gets Ewoks in his bed.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: You've got Chewbacca. That's enough.
- Raj Koothrappali: I used to have the stuffed racoon from "Guardians of the Galaxy", but Cinammon licked it raw.
- Howard Wolowitz: There's a time and place for your randy dog stories, and... it's never and nowhere.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: You know, I could use an engineer on this project.
- Sheldon Cooper: Well, now this works out great. Howard's an engineer. I'm sure he knows someone qualified.
- Howard Wolowitz: She was talking about me, Sheldon. I'm perfectly qualified.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Yeah, Howie's the world's best engineer. It says so right on his coffee mug.
- Penny Hofstadter: Aw, you got him a mug?
- Raj Koothrappali: I did. But it's not a competition.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Yeah, I lost that battle years ago.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: So, Howard, are you interested?
- Howard Wolowitz: Are you kidding? If I could control robot arms with my brain, I'd be able to do so many things.
- Sheldon Cooper: Really? Because you've been controlling human arms with your brain for years and not much has come of it.
- Penny Hofstadter: No more stories about sex, so, Amy, that brings us to you.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Well, at work, we've been doing some interesting work with neuroprosthetics.
- Penny Hofstadter: Neat. I've been re-watching "The O.C.", so we're all leading productive lives.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: We've been working on a computer interface that can use brainwave patterns to control robotic limbs, but we're having a little trouble localizing the signal from the EEG cap.
- Howard Wolowitz: Oh, well, have you thought about adding a phased array of sensors for better localization?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Actually, that never occurred to me.
- Penny Hofstadter: It never occurred to me I would miss the Ewok conversation.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Good, 'cause I just bought another one on Amazon.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Hey. What you reading?
- Penny Hofstadter: A parenting book.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Oh, my god. Are... are we...?
- Penny Hofstadter: What? No! You think this is how I would tell you?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Well...
- [he stammers]
- Leonard Hofstadter: ...you're sitting there with a book. It felt like anything was possible.
- Sheldon Cooper: Remember how disappointed you were when Amy started driving me to work?
- Leonard Hofstadter: [sarcastic] Sure. Sometimes people smile a big smile of disappointment.
- Sheldon Cooper: Yeah, well, good news. Amy had to go in early to show Howard around her lab, so you get to drive me.
- Penny Hofstadter: [Leonard's face falls] Aw, his smile of disappointment has turned into a frown of joy.
- Leonard Hofstadter: It's fine. I've been driving him for years. What's one more day?
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh, and I've got a new car game we can play. It's called "What Siren Am I?".
- Leonard Hofstadter: Kill me.
- Leonard Hofstadter: So... Howard and Amy working together. That's interesting, huh?
- Sheldon Cooper: Eh. It's all right, I suppose. Usually when Amy complains about her coworkers, I just tune her out, but now I'll be able to join in and pound away.
- Penny Hofstadter: Okay, what is going on?
- Sheldon Cooper: Well, ever since Amy started working with Howard, she hasn't been home.
- Penny Hofstadter: Didn't that just start this morning?
- Sheldon Cooper: And has she been home?
- Penny Hofstadter: You know, that would frustrate me. Does it frustrate you?
- Sheldon Cooper: I-it does.
- Penny Hofstadter: I get that. You know, it's okay to feel frustrated when things aren't going your way.
- Sheldon Cooper: I suppose. Ah, maybe it's not that big a deal.
- Penny Hofstadter: No. No, no. Your feelings are valid. Now, why don't you go wash up and we'll call you when dinner's ready.
- Sheldon Cooper: Okay.
- Leonard Hofstadter: [Sheldon leaves] What did you do... are you a witch?
- Penny Hofstadter: No, I've been reading Bernadette's parenting book. It's like the answer key to the Sheldon test.
- Leonard Hofstadter: That's amazing.
- Penny Hofstadter: I know. But, you know, it's only birth to five. What do we do when he turns six?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Take him to the zoo and leave him there.
- Raj Koothrappali: Don't be snippy. I came to see how you were doing. Like, uh, do you need help with anything?
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Oh, thank you. There are a few things around the house that I've been waiting for Howard to get to. The smoke alarms...
- Raj Koothrappali: No, I meant emotionally. How are you feeling?
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Like you're not really here to help me.
- Raj Koothrappali: Wow. Still snippy.
- Howard Wolowitz: Okay, I'm gonna extend the wait time and have it poll the A-to-D converter at the top of the loop instead of the bottom.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: That's impressive.
- Howard Wolowitz: You think that's impressive, take apart that brain model.
- [she picks up said model from the tabletop and finds a playing card inside]
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Oh, my god! Three of clubs. That was my card! How did you...?
- Howard Wolowitz: I used to make it appear in my pants, but HR said I had stop doing that.
- Penny Hofstadter: You sound frustrated, and I'm really proud of the way you're able to state your opinion.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Thank you.
- [realizing what she's doing]
- Leonard Hofstadter: Wait, no, no! Don't use that book on me.
- Sheldon Cooper: Wait, what book?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Penny's been using one of Bernadette's parenting books on you.
- Penny Hofstadter: What? So has he.
- Sheldon Cooper: Wh... what makes you think you can treat me like a child?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Your shampoo comes in a Big Bird bottle.
- Sheldon Cooper: That's because the adult shampoo burns my man eyes!
- Penny Hofstadter: So is this how it's gonna be if we have kids? You're just gonna throw me under the bus?
- Leonard Hofstadter: If you spoil them the way you do Sheldon, then yeah.
- Penny Hofstadter: Uh, my way was working, okay? I think you're just upset because there are some things I am better than you at.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Well, you can't end a sentence with a preposition, so clearly not grammar.
- Penny Hofstadter: If you're so smart, was that a smart thing to say?
- Leonard Hofstadter: That depends. Before I said it, was sex tonight still on the table?
- Penny Hofstadter: No.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Then it's fine.
- Sheldon Cooper: So how about you and me make some beautiful science together?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Sheldon, I want to work on this with you, just not tonight. What if we get up early and do it in the morning? I promise, I'll be way more into it.
- Sheldon Cooper: You know what? There was a time that you would've been happy to stay up and collaborate all night with me. And then wake up in the morning and do it some more.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Fine, but can we make it quick?
- Sheldon Cooper: No. If you're just gonna make me do all the work, then go to bed. But don't be surprised if you walk out here and catch me doing it myself.
- Penny Hofstadter: [reading a book on parenting] Bernadette left it here.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Yeah? Anything interesting?
- Penny Hofstadter: Well, I just saw a picture of a baby's head crowning, so I hope you enjoyed sex, because we're done with that.
- Howard Wolowitz: So this is it?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Yes. We are using it to map brainwave patterns and then converting them into electrical impulses that can be used to control anything, from wheelchairs to robots.
- Howard Wolowitz: Based on that ring on your finger, I'd say you're pretty good at controlling robots.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Careful. That's my fiance you're talking about. And I can program him to hurt you.
- Leonard Hofstadter: [wearily playing Sheldon's car game] I don't know. French police?
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh, so close. Belgian ambulance. All, right you ready for your next one? Just a warning, this one's a little annoying.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Let's take a little... little break. I'm getting a headache.
- Sheldon Cooper: Aw. Right in the middle of our fun game.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Yeah, weird.
- Howard Wolowitz: If we add phase detection to your EEG sensors, I'll have to re-write most of the code.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Well, can you do that?
- Howard Wolowitz: Well, these hands were made to do three things: close-up magic, writing code, and the dirty shadow puppet show that got me kicked out of Hebrew school.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: What's with the blinking?
- Sheldon Cooper: It's Morse code. So that we can talk about...
- [he gestures at Wolowitz]
- Sheldon Cooper: ...without hurting...
- [he gestures at Wolowitz again]
- Sheldon Cooper: ...'s feelings.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Sheldon, I don't know Morse code.
- Howard Wolowitz: I do. And if you have something to say, you can say it to my face.
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh. All right.
- [he blinks in Morse code]
- Howard Wolowitz: I'm a little rusty. Could you say that again?
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Howard's not here.
- Raj Koothrappali: Oh, I know. He's been at the lab every night this week with his work wife.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: That's weird. I thought his work wife was standing in my kitchen.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Everything's fine. Howard's really excited about his work, he's been in a great mood. I'm really proud of him.
- Raj Koothrappali: And I can fit into the pants I wore in high school. Come on, we don't need to lie to each other.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: You're right. I have a teething baby, I'm pregnant, I have a proposal due tomorrow. I don't have time to hear about how much you're missing my husband.
- Raj Koothrappali: Well, I think I know why he's been working so late.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Sheldon's texting me to drive him to Bernadette's.
- Penny Hofstadter: Well, what are you gonna say?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Well, they did just introduce the middle finger emoji. If it's not for this, I don't know what it's for.
- Penny Hofstadter: Maybe there's something in the book that will help.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Worth a shot.
- Penny Hofstadter: Okay. Let's see, let's see... biting other children?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Well, sometimes, but... problem for another day.
- Penny Hofstadter: Okay, wait, wait. Here we go. "Let him have ownership of his choices. Allow him to choose from options that are acceptable to you."
- Leonard Hofstadter: All, right I'll give it a try. "I can drive you in two hours or you can take an Uber."
- Penny Hofstadter: Good. See, now he feels like he has a choice.
- Leonard Hofstadter: [his phone chimes] He's gonna take an Uber.
- Penny Hofstadter: Wow, it worked.
- Leonard Hofstadter: [taking the book] Unless he bites the driver, yeah.
- Raj Koothrappali: This is great, the two of us hanging out. Why didn't we think of this earlier?
- Sheldon Cooper: Agreed. I don't need Amy to watch a movie. I can not hold your hand just as easily.
- Sheldon Cooper: I wish I could make Howard feel as angry as I feel.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Really? Interesting. Maybe you could do something he likes.
- Sheldon Cooper: Like what?
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Have you ever read Tom Sawyer?
- Sheldon Cooper: No.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Chores. He likes chores.
- Raj Koothrappali: Hey, what are you working on?
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Oh, my god, you're still here?
- Raj Koothrappali: Well, of course I'm here. I know what you're going through.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Really? You have a needy Indian man in your house?
- Raj Koothrappali: I did, but then he came over here.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Did you just come here to complain?
- Sheldon Cooper: You're complaining too. "Sheldon, why are you here?" "Sheldon, applesauce is for the baby!"
- Sheldon Cooper: The only kind of engineer I'm interested in blows a train whistle. Ooh, that gives me an idea for a new road game. What kind of whistle am I?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Train.
- Sheldon Cooper: Actually, it was going to be a kea kettle, but it was on a train, so I'll give it to you.
- Sheldon Cooper: Where do you get treating me like a child?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Your shampoo comes in a Big Bird bottle.
- Sheldon Cooper: That's because the adult shampoo burns my man eyes!
- [first lines]
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Thanks for letting me put Halley in your room.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Yeah, no problem.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Oh, and, Penny, she kinda threw up on your stuffed bear.
- Penny Hofstadter: Oh, that's okay.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Hey. Tha-That's an Ewok and it's mine.
- Penny Hofstadter: Yeah, which is why it's okay.
- Sheldon Cooper: [to Amy] See, he gets Ewoks in his bed.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: You've got Chewbacca, that's enough.
- Raj Koothrappali: I used to have the stuffed raccoon from Guardians of the Galaxy, but Cinnamon licked it raw.
- Howard Wolowitz: There's a time and place for your randy dog stories, and... it's "never and nowhere".