The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)
The Explosion Implosion (2017)
Simon Helberg: Howard Wolowitz
Photos
Quotes
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Howard Wolowitz : You really want to drive?
Sheldon Cooper : It seems like the perfect time. The roads are straight, there's no one around, and you don't seem to care if you live or die.
Howard Wolowitz : Live, Sheldon. I want to live.
Sheldon Cooper : That makes things a little trickier, but I'll do my best.
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[first lines]
Howard Wolowitz : [as the doctor's office] It feels like it wasn't that long ago we were here doing this for Halley.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : 'Cause it wasn't. Which reminds me, before we leave, let's get you a vasectomy.
Howard Wolowitz : Oh, that's sweet, but today is all about you.
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Dr. Sanders : So, you two ready to find out the sex of this baby?
Howard Wolowitz : Yeah.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Absolutely.
Dr. Sanders : Is Halley hoping for a little brother or a little sister?
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Well, she's nine months old, so unless it jingles or is in my bra, she doesn't care.
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Raj Koothrappali : Come on, you can't really be disappointed.
Howard Wolowitz : Hey, I barely know how to be a man myself. Now I have to teach someone?
Sheldon Cooper : Hmm. As the saying goes, those who can't do, teach.
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Amy Farrah Fowler : Don't you want a little version of Howard?
Bernadette Rostenkowski : I already have a little version of Howard.
Howard Wolowitz : Now I'm having a son? I'll have to teach him how to play sports, and... and *watch* sports, and... and... and... and... and... and...
Raj Koothrappali : [to Leonard] He just ran out of man things. He's in trouble.
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Bernadette Rostenkowski : Howie, there's a lot of amazing things you can teach a son.
Raj Koothrappali : Yeah. You do always know how to pick just the right antacid.
Howard Wolowitz : I don't know if I can teach that. It's just something I was born with.
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Howard Wolowitz : You know, as a kid, I used to make model rockets. That'd be pretty cool to do with a son.
Sheldon Cooper : Model rockets. Finally, something interesting. What is your preferred mode of conveyance?
Amy Farrah Fowler : Sheldon, we're helping our friends.
Sheldon Cooper : And we got to model rockets, yeah? It was a tedious road, but well worth the effort.
Amy Farrah Fowler : So, have you thought of any names?
Sheldon Cooper : Amy, we finally got to model rockets. Why are you turning back?
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Howard Wolowitz : [in his garage] I haven't looked at all this stuff in years.
Sheldon Cooper : Had it. Had it. Burned down my garage with it.
Raj Koothrappali : I had three model rockets as a kid, and that was the largest space program in India.
Sheldon Cooper : You have a replica Saturn V?
Howard Wolowitz : Yeah. My dad bought it before he, you know, abandoned our family.
Sheldon Cooper : Lucky duck.
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Howard Wolowitz : [about a model rocket from his childhood] Could never bring myself to open it without him. It's silly.
Sheldon Cooper : No, it's not silly. I always wanted my dad to build rockets with me, but he wasn't interested.
Raj Koothrappali : Ah, yes, disappointing fathers. Tell me about it. I remember for my sixteenth birthday, my dad bought me a Mercedes. Like, a little one, like a starter Mercedes. He had barely handed me the keys before he had to rush back to work. I didn't see him again 'till, like, pretty late that night.
Howard Wolowitz : Anyway... as angry as I was with him leaving, building this stuff is probably what led me to become an engineer.
Sheldon Cooper : I suppose, in his own way, my dad also encouraged me to pursue science. I mean, he is the one that taught me that flatulence is combustible. And also, polyester gym shorts don't burn. They melt.
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Howard Wolowitz : You know what? Forget the past. What do you say you and me build this rocket?
Sheldon Cooper : That sounds like it could be a real bonding experience for us.
Howard Wolowitz : Right?
Sheldon Cooper : Oh, I see. Oh, you think that's a positive.
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Howard Wolowitz : I should have brought peanuts.
Sheldon Cooper : You can't eat peanuts. You're allergic. If you die, who's going to drive me home?
Howard Wolowitz : I'm not gonna eat them. It's a thing they do at JPL. When the Ranger mission finally had a successful launch, there were peanuts in the room. Ever since then, they have them at every launch.
Sheldon Cooper : That sounds like a silly supersition.
Howard Wolowitz : It's more of a tradition.
Sheldon Cooper : Oh! I do love a tradition. Pull over at the next peanut store.
Howard Wolowitz : I don't think that's a real thing.
Sheldon Cooper : Oh, don't be pedantic. Any nut store will do.
Howard Wolowitz : I... I don't think we can get peanuts out here.
Sheldon Cooper : Ah, well, then this whole day's ruined.
Howard Wolowitz : Now that I think about it, maybe it is more of a superstition.
Sheldon Cooper : Whew! That was close.
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Howard Wolowitz : All right, here we go. L-minus ten, nine...
Sheldon Cooper : Wait, what are you doing? It's "T-minus".
Howard Wolowitz : I was an astronaut. We used "L-minus".
Sheldon Cooper : But this is a Saturn V, and when they launched those, they said "T-minus".
Howard Wolowitz : It's my rocket! We're doing it my way.
Sheldon Cooper : Fine. I'm not saying I know why your dad left, but I think I'm getting an idea.
Howard Wolowitz : L-minus ten, nine, eight, seven, six...
Sheldon Cooper : 'Cause you're kind of bossy.
Howard Wolowitz : ...five, four, three, two, one...
[rather than lifting off, the model blows up]
Sheldon Cooper : I remember them going up higher.
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Howard Wolowitz : Well, that's perfect. I mean, the one thing I thought I could do with my son, I can't even do that right.
Sheldon Cooper : Well, if you want to see it again, I got it on video. Looks pretty cool in slow motion.
Howard Wolowitz : Thank you for your support.
Sheldon Cooper : You're welcome.
Howard Wolowitz : I was being sarcastic.
Sheldon Cooper : How dare you!
Howard Wolowitz : Sheldon, what am I gonna do? I mean, what do I know about raising a boy?
Sheldon Cooper : What do you know about raising a girl?
Howard Wolowitz : Oh, my god, you're right.
Sheldon Cooper : Well, I don't know if that was sarcasm or not. So either "You're welcome" or "Hey!".
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Sheldon Cooper : Reason number thirteen to feel good: as a launch, it was bad, but as an explosion, it was glorious. Reason fourteen: you still have all your fingers, and boys prefer a dad with fingers.
Howard Wolowitz : Thanks for trying, but you're not gonna be able to cheer me up.
Sheldon Cooper : Well, how about this, then? You quit your whining before I give you something to cry about, young man.
Howard Wolowitz : What?
Sheldon Cooper : Those are comforting words my father would often say.
Howard Wolowitz : Did it help?
Sheldon Cooper : I turned out great. You tell me.
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Sheldon Cooper : Are you gonna be this mopey all the way home?
Howard Wolowitz : I don't know. Maybe.
Sheldon Cooper : There any chance you'd be cheered up by an amazing trigonometry riddle?
[Howard looks at him in exasperation]
Sheldon Cooper : Well, if you can't answer that, there is no way you're gonna get this riddle.
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Sheldon Cooper : You know, studies have shown that people distracted by emotional issues are poor drivers.
Howard Wolowitz : What about people distracted by irritating passengers?
Sheldon Cooper : That would be hard to test, because "irritating" is a subjective quality.
Howard Wolowitz : Strongly disagree.
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Sheldon Cooper : Can I drive?
Howard Wolowitz : No. You can't drive. You don't even have a license.
Sheldon Cooper : Actually, I do?
Howard Wolowitz : Really? Since when?
Sheldon Cooper : Three years ago. I went on a bit of a license kick. I'm also a commercial fisherman.
Howard Wolowitz : Then why don't you ever drive yourself?
Sheldon Cooper : Honestly, I barely passed my test. And the one time I drove on my own, I made a U-turn, got dizzy, threw up, and walked home.
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Howard Wolowitz : [letting Sheldon drive] Your hands are at 10:00 and 2:00. Good. Steady on the gas. Okay. Now, you're gonna want to slowly switch lanes.
Sheldon Cooper : Why?
Howard Wolowitz : Because there are only two, and you're not in either of them.
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Sheldon Cooper : Do you think I could try going a little faster?
Howard Wolowitz : Go for it, champ.
[he gives Sheldon a soft, fatherly shoulder punch]
Sheldon Cooper : Ow.
Howard Wolowitz : Sorry. Just ease on the gas and...
[as Sheldon steps on the gas, the car lurches forward]
Howard Wolowitz : OH, TOO MUCH! TOO MUCH!
Sheldon Cooper : Why was I scared of this? This is exhilarating!
Howard Wolowitz : No, it's not! Slow down!
Sheldon Cooper : Don't tell me what to do! You're not my father!
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[last lines]
Police Officer : Do you know how fast you were going?
Sheldon Cooper : 112.
Police Officer : Let me see your license.
Sheldon Cooper : [quietly to Howard] Okay, here's the plan.
Howard Wolowitz : No.
Sheldon Cooper : Fine.
[handing the officer his license]
Sheldon Cooper : There you go. You know what? You can just keep it.