- Leonard Hofstadter: If we weren't physicists, what would we be?
- Howard Wolowitz: I don't know. Popular?
- Penny Hofstadter: [Penny is drinking Romulan Ale -vodka with blue dye- with Sheldon and Leonard] I don't know who the Romulans are, but those guys know how to party!
- Leonard Hofstadter: -Oh, hi, you wanted to see me?
- Janine Davis: Yes. I wanted to talk to you about the e-mail you sent me last night.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I sent you an e-mail?
- Janine Davis: You bet you did. "Hello. Shalom and aloha from the grave of Richard Feynman."
- Leonard Hofstadter: Oh, it's coming back to me.
- Janine Davis: Please accept the following retraction: I know I said physics is dead, but it is the opposite of dead. If anything, it is undead, like a zombie. Speaking of which, if Richard Feynman came back as a zombie, I would totally let him bite me.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Any chance that's the end?
- Janine Davis: I got bit by a squirrel once. "I had to get rabies shots. I cried so much, my mother said don't be a baby.In conclusion, physics is great. Squirrels suck, and someday, I'm gonna put my mom in a cheap nursing home. Yours truly, XOXO, Dr. Leonard Hofstadter.
- Howard Wolowitz: Yeah, this is public radio. Doesn't he realize that dozens of people might hear him?
- Janine Davis: I think that you are the smartest physicist at this university.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Really?
- Janine Davis: See? Lies. They're not that hard.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Yeah, who wouldn't want to hire the physicist who publicly said physics is dead?
- Howard Wolowitz: Sheldon's right. I would never ask a woman if she was pregnant, unless she tells me or I see a human being wiggling out of her.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I went to high school with a girl named Theresa Gluino, but it didn't cost $2 billion to find her.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: I know. The university has been throwing money at my study. With any luck, there'll be a brain disease with my name on it.
- Janine Davis: So if I just said I was worried you might not have a job next week, how would you feel?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Light-headed, and glad you asked me to sit down.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: You know, there's so much money in pharmaceuticals, we don't even wash out our test tubes. We just throw them out and get new ones.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Has he ever called you to tell you he found three peanuts in one shell? 'Cause Sheldon has.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: At the office, I have two assistants. I don't even know their names, I just call them Thing One and Thing Two.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Do you have any alcohol around here?
- Sheldon Cooper: Not surprisingly, when Penny moved out, she took every last drop.
- Leonard Hofstadter: It just turns out that Physics is exactly like Lost. It started out great and turns out just a big ol' waste of time.