- Amy Farrah Fowler: So, do you know what it is?
- Bert Kibbler: Of course I know what it is. It's a silicon dioxide crystal, also known as quartz.
- Sheldon Cooper: Are you sure?
- Bert Kibbler: Am I sure? Is basalt a mafic extrusive of igneous rock formed by the rapid cooling of magnesium and iron-rich lava? Yeah, I'm sure.
- Raj Koothrappali: Don't let love get away. It is the most important thing in the world. Without it, life is dark and meaningless and all you're left with is the judgmental gaze of your dog as you finish off a bag of Doritos on the toilet.
- [first lines]
- Sheldon Cooper: But I think, by the end of the honeymoon, we really started to feel like a married couple.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: But the good kind, like on TV, not like my parents.
- Howard Wolowitz: You're not a real married couple until you can pee with the door open and she's okay with it.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: I told you, I'm not okay with it.
- Howard Wolowitz: She loves it.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: [unpacking] So, we got everybody gifts.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Did you forget about us until you were at the airport?
- Sheldon Cooper: No. We forgot about you until we were on the plane. Luckily, there was Wi-Fi, and I have Amazon Prime.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: "I heart New York". Aw, the baby's gonna love throwing up on this.
- Sheldon Cooper: Look, it doesn't have to just be New York. That's the beauty of it. Uh, the initials "N.Y." can stand for anything you like. For instance, I understand that there is an elderly rock-and-roll musician named Neil Young. Perhaps you heart him.
- [pause]
- Sheldon Cooper: Or if not him, Egyptian table tennis silver medalist Noha Yossry. Or Nana Yamaguchi, the Japanese voice actress who starred in Sally the Witch.
- Raj Koothrappali: Did you just Google the initials "N.Y."?
- Sheldon Cooper: I had Wi-Fi and a long plane flight. Draw your own conclusions.
- Stuart Bloom: I wanted to look my best for our date. and I made a series of bad decisions, one of which is hidden by my pants.
- Denise: Wow.
- Stuart Bloom: Do you still wanna go out with me?
- Denise: Absolutely. Hey, maybe we can go find Nemo together.
- Raj Koothrappali: Hmm, smells like Paco Rabanne.
- Stuart Bloom: Oh, you're good. I bought it at a swap meet. It's actually called "Smells like Paco Rabanne".
- Dr. V.M. Koothrappali: If I'm going to find a woman to set you up with, you're going to need to stop Instagramming pictures of you and your dog wearing matching sweaters.
- Denise: Do you think when Krypto the Superdog is out flying, Superman has to fly after him with a little baggie?
- Stuart Bloom: Hmm, I've never really thought about it before, but he doesn't need a baggie because he just blasts the poop with his heat vision.
- Denise: You've thought about it before.
- Stuart Bloom: Oh, I've thought about it a lot.
- Dr. V.M. Koothrappali: I can't just call up some girl's dad and make her marry you. It's not 2015 any more.