- Leonard Pine: I don't know about you, Hap, but I sure am startin' to like this place.
- Hap Collins: Oh, it's like "Mayberry" meets "Deliverance."
- Hap Collins: Man, I had no idea you knew so much about heterosexual relationships.
- Leonard Pine: Just like gay ones, just twisted.
- Leonard Pine: I am not taking your honky ass behind me. Them folk gonna clam up for sure!
- Hap Collins: I took you to the white side!
- Leonard Pine: Well, that's different; I'm handsome! Look, look, look. You get to go in town and be white, do white people things! Play golf... you can get that Hall & Oates record you always wanted.