Lucifer (TV Series)

Expire Erect (2019)

Tom Ellis: Lucifer Morningstar

Photos 

Quotes 

• Lucifer Morningstar : You landed on my bullet wound. That's exactly the jolt of blinding pain I needed to bring me 'round.

• Lucifer Morningstar : We can't miss the part of the case where we chase the suspect. Or you chase and I watch,

  Chloe Decker : I mean. Or you could help this time.

  [Runs through crowd] 

  Chloe Decker : Out of the way. Out of the way.

  Lucifer Morningstar : [Grabs a tire off the wall and throws it at suspect]  See? Didn't have to chase him at all. He got tired.

  [Chloe glares at him] 

  Lucifer Morningstar : Oh, come on, I thought that was one of my better puns.

• Ella Lopez : [Freaking out]  Look what I've done to my brain. Okay, I have been partying all the time, like, like, like, all... all the time. I-I think... I don't know, I think I've just been looking for a connection, something, anything since I lost what I had with the Big Guy, and now I'm gonna...

  [Eve kisses her] 

  Lucifer Morningstar : Ladies. Oh. It's a comfort to know I'll expire erect.

• Amenadiel : Why didn't you tell me that Eve was here, Luci?

  Lucifer Morningstar : Oh, please. I'm not gonna text you every time someone stays the night. Think of my data plan.

• Lucifer Morningstar : Is that my toothbrush?

  Eve : You're worried about your *toothbrush* being in my mouth?

• Marco : Look, shooting him was an accident. Okay? I'm sorry, I-I didn't mean to do it. I-I'm just trying to... I'm just trying to fix things.

  Lucifer Morningstar : Oh, don't worry about it, pal. You just give me the gun, and I'll even things up.

• Amenadiel : She came here for the old you. The one she remembers from the garden. The one who sowed chaos and destruction for his own amusement.

  Lucifer Morningstar : Now you're making me nostalgic.

• Lucifer Morningstar : [to valet]  Return it with so much as a scratch, and I'll see you in Hell.

• Lucifer Morningstar : I've gotten to know all of you in my time here, which is what makes this, my final case, so difficult.

  [Turns to guy] 

  Lucifer Morningstar : Dougie, in the motor pool, who helped put a siren on my car, thank you for that.

  [Turns to young uni] 

  Lucifer Morningstar : Cacuzza, in evidence, who always let me inspect the cocaine seizures first.

  [chuckles] 

  Lucifer Morningstar : And you, nameless uni, I think I'll miss you most of all.

• Kevin : I thought you were here about the kit cars.

  Lucifer Morningstar : Kit cars? You mean those awful replicas that only look vintage? Those don't fool anybody with taste.

  Kevin : True. But you can make a ton of money selling them to goobers who can't tell the difference. It's not like it's illegal.

  Chloe Decker : Sounds illegal.

  Kevin : Um, it-it is illegal. But it's not murder.

• Lucifer Morningstar : I see the cocaine is working.

  Ella Lopez : [Speaking a mile a minute]  Really? How can you tell? I don't feel any different.

• Marco : Who the hell puts green onions and ranch dressing on a sandwich? You better hope that your friends are better at finding people than they are at taking food orders. 'Cause I'm beginning to lose my patience!

  Chloe Decker : [Whispering]  Dan wouldn't make a mistake like that.

  Lucifer Morningstar : Are you sure? I once saw him eat a marble 'cause it was in a candy dish.

• Lucifer Morningstar : And we only had sex twice more.

  Linda Martin : Mm-hmm.

  Lucifer Morningstar : But I'm a "ten times a day" man, Doctor. "Big Ben strikes ten," as they say. I'm Big Ben.

  Linda Martin : Yeah, I got that.

  [Continues] 

  Linda Martin : Is it possible that the word "boyfriend" is what... stopped the clock?

• Lucifer Morningstar : One last case should be enough.

  Chloe Decker : Enough for what?

  Lucifer Morningstar : Well for closure, of course.

  Chloe Decker : What does that mean?

  Lucifer Morningstar : I... I-I'm not sure, but the doctor told me I needed it.

• Lucifer Morningstar : There are certain perks to having a boyfriend who works with the LAPD. An endless supply of handcuffs, for one.

• Kevin : I never saw him myself. Uh, but I saw his car. He has a-an awful '92 Geo Metro in-in Polynesian green.

  Lucifer Morningstar : Ugh.

  Kevin : Right?