- Linda Martin: When you bifurcate your life this way, good and bad, crime solver and... orgy host... , you're effectively denying half of yourself all of the time. Lucifer, if you don't stop pulling yourself in opposite directions, you're going to come undone.
- Julian McCaffrey: You two are not at all what I pictured when I heard the cops were here. Kudos.
- Lucifer Morningstar, Ella Lopez: We're not cops.
- Ella Lopez: I'm actually a forensic scientist.
- Lucifer Morningstar: And I'm the Devil.
- Devin: [Outside a gated nudist community] Sorry, but rules are rules. You want to go inside, you got to get naked. Either that or get a warrant.
- Chloe Decker: Fine. I'll get a warrant.
- [Turns around, sees Lucifer has stripped]
- Chloe Decker: Lucifer!
- Lucifer Morningstar: Oh, when in Rome, detective.
- Chloe Decker: Please put some clothes on. We are professionals. Ella, see if you can get a warrant from Judge...
- [Sees Ella is also naked]
- Chloe Decker: Vickers.
- Ella Lopez: Bucket list?
- Chloe Decker: [a sex doll arrives at the precinct] Oh, look. There's a card.
- Dan Espinoza: You really need a card to know who that's from?
- Herb: That millennial pervert has turned our little slice of heaven into a devil's playground.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Well, I'll be the judge of that.
- Eve: Literally created for the guy and our entire marriage, he was just pining over wife number uno. "Lilith tamed the beasts of the night". Stupid, perfect Lilith.
- Mazikeen: She wasn't perfect.
- Eve: Oh, my God. My God, I'm... I'm so sorry, I... I completely forgot that she was your mother.
- Mazikeen: Yeah, so did she.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Seriously? You haven't had a decent orgy in years. I leave town for two seconds and you... 50 shades of betray me.
- Lucifer Morningstar: ...So I'm standing there, buck naked, and then when I take my blindfold off, I realize my naughty girlfriend has only snuck us into the aquarium after hours.
- [laughs]
- Lucifer Morningstar: Next thing I know, we're tangled in the touch pool like a pair of randy merpeople. It was so Shape of Water.
- Ella Lopez: Well, that just made my bucket list.
- Lucifer Morningstar: And Eve did this thing with a conch shell... it was very creative, actually. I'll draw you a diagram if you'd like.
- Chloe Decker: No. We're good. We get it.
- Eve: This world is full of dumbass rules. You know, "No drugs for breakfast!" or 'Put on some clothes!
- Amenadiel: So, what brings you to Earth? Silver City run out of stags to hunt? You need a break from Castiel's singing?
- Remiel: How could Lucifer ever procreate with these jeans-laden humans? They're selfish, and greedy. And they smell wrong.
- Lucifer Morningstar: You don't happen to recognize this unfortunate looking chap?
- Ping-Pong Paddle Man: Hmm, don't recognize him. You have any pictures of him without his clothes on?
- Chloe Decker: I'm sure Lucifer will be here soon.
- Dan Espinoza: Lucky us. Maybe this time, he'll show up with a kilo of coke, or another Mexican wrestler.
- Chloe Decker: That was a scheduling issue.
- Dan Espinoza: More like a life issue.