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Dora the Explorer (2000)
Why must she always scream?
It seems that Dora feels she must yell at all times to get attention, which makes her as pleasant to listen to as fingernails on a blackboard. Even after enduring a few episodes of this show, I'm still trying to figure out what the creators think they are teaching? The few words of Spanish that are used aren't enough to form simple phrases, so why are they there? Mostly, it seems like they're trying to teach prepositions (up, down, through, etc.) and they're padding it with a few Spanish words to fill out the half-hour episode. I think her parents should keep better tabs on her and around the house more instead of letting her wander through forests and valleys all the time. That, and there's something evil about her eyes.
Mission to Mars (2000)
Extra cheese, please
If there is a novelization of this movie (which I hope there's not), the first scene on Mars would go something like this: "As the solar-powered robot trudged out of the shadows of the canyon onto the mud-caked lake bed of the waterless planet..." There are some sci-fi movies that try very hard to get their science right and some that don't even bother. This one looks like it tried, but not very well. As for the plot, well, it seems they ran out of ideas before they ran out of money, unfortunately. Add in an overly loud sountrack dripping with honey and this movie ends up being the Disneyland ride "It's a Small World," except in space. I was really hoping for something other than a rip-off of 2001.
Pitch Black (2000)
Just when they're about to lose you...
I went to see this movie with two friends of mine and was not sure what to expect. I got the feeling during the whole movie that, just when I thought, "This could get cheesy really quick at this point," I was pleasantly surprised to find that it didn't. This could have been a really bad movie with very little effort, but, instead, it turned out to be a good, solid piece of work that kept me interested in what happened to the characters the whole time. Granted, there were a couple of characters that I hoped wouldn't die but did, but there were also a couple of characters I ended up hoping would get horribly eviscerated and, thankfully, they were. I'm confused as to how this movie gets called "scary" by some. Full of nasty, dangerous situations at practically every moment in the movie, yes, but scary? Anyway, it's definitely a movie worth seeing.
Wild Wild West (1999)
Blame Elmer Bernstein for this one
As I sat watching this movie, I had a hard time figuring out what was wrong. Will Smith was on the mark, Kevin Kline was on the mark, the story was pretty good, and the visuals were stunning. Granted, Salma Hayek pretty much ruined every scene in which she opened her mouth, and we could have had a little more interactions with Lovelace's lovely minions, but, despite some flaws in the script, I knew I should be enjoying myself more. It was during a transition scene that I realized what the problem was. "Wild Wild West" has perhaps the most uninspiring soundtrack I have heard in a long time. Instead of enhancing the movie, it was dragging it down.
For example, the opening credit visuals are similar to those of the television show. One would think that the main theme would contain some kind of tribute, as well, but I could never pick it out, hard as I tried. The only time I heard the original music appear is late in the movie during one scene. It would be one thing if the TV music wasn't memorable, but it was, and it should have served as a basis for the movie music. I know that Elmer Bernstein is a great composer, but he did this movie a disservice.
South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut (1999)
Love the series, hate the movie
If you're expecting a two-hour episode of the series, that's not what you're going to see. Although the movie title includes the word "uncut," the word is that some things had to be cut to get the "R" rating instead of "NC-17." If this is the tame version, I'd hate to see what was removed. At the theater where we saw the movie, an usher was posted outside the door handing out movie passes as people left during various parts of the movie when they exceeded their individual offensiveness tolerances.
If Stone and Parker had made a two-hour movie with the offensiveness level of a normal episode, it would have been a popular movie, but perhaps moviegoers might have left the theater thinking they hadn't seen anything new. If they had made a two-hour movie with the offensiveness level of "The Spirit of Christmas," I think we would have been reminded of what we saw in that original short that made us want to see a TV series. However, by releasing the movie they did, I think they may have killed the proverbial golden goose; I'm not sure I can watch the series anymore as it might remind me of the (for lack of a better term) assault to which we were subjected tonight.
Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999)
An excellent beginning
I thoroughly enjoyed this movie, but there are a couple of things that nag at me.
1. Did the Force have to be explained in biological terms?
2. Could Jar-Jar Binks be any more annoying?
I read someplace that George Lucas' adopted son was 6 years old when he started making this movie and that George made it for him. Maybe he should wait until his son is about 12 before he makes the next one.
The Matrix (1999)
What a rush!
This is the best movie I'll see this year, except, maybe, "Star Wars." At the end, my friends and I had headaches due to oxygen deprivation from forgetting to breathe for two hours; it was that much of a thrill ride. My only questions now are, "When does it come out on DVD?" and "Can I pre-order it?"
Wing Commander (1999)
Bad or just not good?
After seeing this movie with two friends of mine, we couldn't decide if it was bad or just not good. The actors sure tried hard enough to make it work, but we were just never able to suspend our disbelief of the whole situation. For example, on a carrier in space, they push the wreckage of a fighter off the deck and it falls into a trench. Down into a trench. In space where there's no gravity. On top of that, they could never really decide what kind of ship they were on. It starts out as an aircraft carrier, but then they have to rig for silent running as they're being depth-charged by the enemy. At this point, I started to expect to see water bursting in at the seams like in every good WWII submarine movie. Then, after firing torpedoes (not photon torpedoes, but good, old-fashioned, big, long, metal torpedoes, hand-loaded and everything), they let the enemy come close so they can fire a full broadside just like Horatio Hornblower (a much more believable movie). Throw in the mandatory angst over "Oh, no, another dead comrade," and the usual shipboard romances, and that about covers the movie.