Reviews
Splash (1983)
Terrific!
I didn't have the fortune to watch this movie at the movie theatres, but I started watching it every year when a local network made repeated showings of it. Then I had cable, and I started seeing it in its entirety on HBO. It has grown up with me and grown on me to be my favorite fantasy with Tom Hanks in it (besides 'Big'). Tom Hanks is his usual, affably cute self and Darryl Hannah is incredible as Madison. Together, they made sparks fly. There was a sequel that aired on the Sunday Disney specials that used to air on ABC before the merger that starred Amy ('Wings') Yasbeck in which Madison and Allan save a dolphin and try to live in suburbia, but that was a typically crappy made-for-TV film.
Mulan (1998)
Mulan made me cry...
Because it was so horrible. First and foremost, the animation was horrid. Where was all the detail? All of the characters seemed to be floating about in a void. There wasn't any distinctive features on any of the characters. Mulan looks like just another pretty face. Second, the music was *terrible*. Here was an opportunity to try out all sorts of esoteric instruments used in the Chinese culture and what do we get? Classic, but timid, string arrangements, and, worst of all, bubble gum pop by 98 degrees and Donny Osmond to accompany the classic, but timid, plot formula. And then there were the voices. The little dragon-thing was annoying and the first Disney supporting character I ever wished would be erased by that goop in "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?". This film is so banal and sanitized without any other mission than to sell their crap szechuan sauce stuff that I cried. When I was ten, I dreamed of working for Disney after "The Little Mermaid" (despite the porno, which I wasn't aware of at that time). This dream was completely cemented when I watched "Beauty and the Beast", and then started crumbling after "Pocahantas". "Mulan" offended me as someone who is part-Chinese. But my sister and just about everybody I knew loved it.
The Purple Rose of Cairo (1985)
Terrific!
Woody Allen, taking a cue from Buster Keaton, wrote and directed this exquisite little gem of a movie. Jeff Daniels and Mia Farrow do some nice work with their roles, but my favorite parts are the ones with the egotistical on-screen characters, who don't what to do without their "minor" character. A pretty cool premise, but wouldn't it be great if it could happen? Then that girl in Italy who watched "Titanic" 50-odd times would have had a run of her money.
Music from Another Room (1998)
Hampton, VA
I was disappointed. I saw a mini trailer of the movie and was intrigued, especially after seeing Jude Law in Gattaca. The story was paper-thin, and Jude Law was good, and so was Brenda Blethyn, but... Well the difference between the trailer and the movie was that Gretchen Mol did not open her mouth. Once she did, all credibility was lost to me. She has a voice and a pose that are simply unsuitable for the role. I thought the character was supposed to be world-weary from trying to rescue her family, so I kinda imagined someone like Jodie Foster. Instead, because of her shrill voice and strike-the-pose mannerism, she was like a disgruntled supermodel. Yecch.
Tomorrow (1972)
Simply beautiful
Robert Duvall has mentioned in several interviews that "Tomorrow" was one of his favorite movies that he worked on. He also mentioned that it was one of his most esoteric works. The movie disappeared from the theatres mostly because Duvall wasn't quite a marquee name at the time and furthermore, the actors weren't conventionally beautiful or handsome. And then there was that accent that Duvall affected... Anyway, this was based on a short story by Faulkner that was published in the Saturday Evening Post back when short stories could be published in anything other an anthology. It is also one of my favorite movies. The love story was touching and sweet. The ending had me bawling. And nobody was turned into a fish.
Anastasia (1997)
OK
When I first watched Anastasia in the movie theatres, I enjoyed the movie with few reservations. After I bought the video though, those reservations haunted and consumed me whole. It wasn't the history that bothered me; Hollywood's screwed up other histories also (Pocahantas, etc.). It was the animation, especially the design of that ugly little dog and the 3-D aspects, which has nothing on Disney. Plus, the voices. I still don't understand why invest so much money on having movie stars voice animation roles and then hire other people to sing the songs. If the suits at Fox and Disney wonder why the returns aren't as great as the investments, maybe they should consider hiring real voice talents.
She's All That (1999)
Very familiar
Reminds me of the time I went out with this boy. He suggested that I change into something that will make me "a little more attractive." He goes out with another girl now, but she has to wheel him around because he can't walk anymore. That is what Rachel Leigh Cook's character should have done; she should have beaten Freddie Prinze, Jr.'s character senseless, and we the audience would be spared of a mind-numbing three hours (at least that was how it felt). But then we would also be spared of the movie, how about that.
Heathers (1988)
"Heathers" should have been the teen movie to emulate...
in terms of tone. These days, the teen movies seem to be taking the John Hughes route--very bright, very sunny, but the best teen movies seem to be the darker, sharper ones, movies like "Welcome to the Dollhouse" and "Heathers". These movies know that high school (or middle school for that matter) is hell and it has fun blowing up its quirks with a bomb. For me, the only misstep was that Veronica did not blow up the school at the end (the original ending). Oh well, I can't have it all.
You've Got Mail (1998)
Cute
This is a nice movie with some really cute lines. Tom Hanks was really charming, but Meg Ryan, while in better form than in "City of Angels", wasn't all that great. She just twirled around in her great clothes and looked really cute. They really have to give her more to do. And Parker Posey was almost totally wasted in this movie.
Felicity (1998)
TV's cure for Insomnia
Here's a show that's on this side of parody and doesn't even know it. At least some crappy dramas know they're crappy and revel in it. At least Ally McBeal had the sense of humour to poke fun at the neurotic protagonist. But this...this show thinks it's trying to dish out "meaningful" tripe. It takes its main character too seriously, as if her love escapades could equal, say, a Tarkovsky film. It's depressing, boring, unbearably moody, and the actors...let's just say they all have the same expression for every situation: the furrowed brow, the quivered lip, BIG HONKING EYES. Yuck.
Sliding Doors (1998)
Yuck
Boring, pretentious, stars Gwyneth Paltrow, who I am liking less and less after each movie. Somehow she looks like one of those preppy girls in high school who would cruelly swat you in a second (Very pretty, very icy) if you weren't wearing the right underwear or something. And the stories, if you just filmed it without the gimmick, falls apart with cliches. John Lynch was OK, and so was John Hannah but Jeanne Tripplehorn? Hey, here's an idea. A commercial parody of the movie: What if she were squashed by the train? What if she weren't squashed?
The Waterboy (1998)
Mama's Review
In lieu of the Waterboy (which I didn't like) and of Kathy Bates (the only good thing in the movie), I give you my mama's review of the movie. This is also to prove that undersexed fratboys and their equally undersexed younger brothers are not the only ones who enjoy Adam Sandler (amazingly enough). Mama said that she loved the movie. She was afraid that she would fall asleep through the film like she normally does, but she found herself laughing so hard that she couldn't sleep. Call it laugh-induced insomnia. She loved Adam Sandler's character and she quotes Kathy Bates' mom almost daily since the viewing. Mama has this weird ability to find an ounce of realism in any movie from Secrets and Lies to Plan 9 From Outer Space, so she found the Oedipal complex between Sandler and Bates very true-to-life. All in all, a fantastic movie from her point of view, one that she highly recommends the Waterboy to everybody of every age.
Meet Joe Black (1998)
Ugh
So when will they make Neil Gaiman's comic book mini-series "Death: The High Cost of Living" into a movie already? One where Death actually knows about life, and not just glimmer under nice lights? (C'mon, it's Death you're talking to!)