astrid-3 Reviews

Along Came Polly (2004)

Good Toilet Humor - And The Only Bare Butts Are The Mens'

[18 January 2004]

Now I imagine Ben Stiller could get really tiresome if you see him often, but if you're like me and only get him in small doses I think you'll like his shtick in this movie. Granted, you can't be offended by references to pee and poo, and an appreciation of the 3 Stooges and Seinfeld would be of some help in understanding the mentality to which this film appeals. I kept waiting for Stiller's real father, Jerry Stiller, to appear and do his Frank Costanza bit from the Seinfeld series.

Jerry Stiller is not exactly Oscar material, and Jennifer Anniston is pleasant enough, but it's the writing that makes this film. And if you thought you already knew what "schwartz" (shvarts) means you're in for an eye-opener! The supporting players are good, too. I have to admit that I had never heard of half of them, but Philip Seymour Hoffman, Hank Azaria, Alec Baldwin were fine. I never knew that Baldwin could do comedy. I was especially happy to see the Aussie Bryan Brown in another Hollywood production. Maybe he'll be able to take some of our greenbacks home and use them to make some more great Aussie independent films.

Along Came Polly is a movie without any pretentions, which makes it pretty enjoyable for those of us who are only looking for laughs, even of the bathroom variety.

The Last Samurai (2003)

And Americans Wonder Why People Loathe Them.

[3 January 2004]

The Last Samurai is a unique movie if for no other reason than that it gives foreign audiences of all stripes another opportunity to despise Americans. On one side (equivalent to today's neo-conservative right) we have loathsome American diplomats and careerist officers of the U.S. Army pressuring - er, make that "assisting" - a foreign government to purchase U.S. goods and services - sound familiar? While on the other side we have another American officer (equivalent to today's stereotypical leftist) who thinks he's absorbing Samurai culture but in reality is reflecting the mindset that white men - or at least Americans - know what's best for everyone. Unfortunately, it's mostly the Japanese, Samurai and non-Samurai, that eventually wind up littering the battlefield.

What really comes out of this film is that American movie producers still regard war as a kind of Texas high school football game. They seem never to have seen the real human meat of dead and maimed bodies. (They only need go to any Chechen web site to view the real thing.) And if there is one message that might come out of this film it's that maybe the world would be an infinitely better place - for the US and for the rest of the world - if Americans would just stay at home.

Rat Race (2001)

An Embarrassment of Has-Beens

[11 January 2002]

The 12-year old next to me thought this movie was funny, and perhaps for a pre-teen it was. This movie might appeal to those who think that Adam Sandler is funny. However, for some of us the film was not just bad - it was boring. For the performers, though, this movie should be a source of chronic embarrassment. Rowan Atkinson's role as an Italian-accented Mr. Bean-type character was abysmal. Atkinson is getting worse as he gets older. It's a shame that he seems to have peaked as a comedian in his 20's and to now be on the long, slippery slope to obscurity. Such a shame. The same might be said of John Cleese, except that it's hard to imagine him actually getting any worse. How can he have allowed himself to have reached such a low ebb that absolutely nothing he says is even remotely humorous? Both Cleese and Atkinson would have been better off had they stayed in England, but apparently the lure of Hollywood greenbacks was sufficient to overwhelm any remaining artistic ambitions they may have had. They're now like punch-drunk fighters who used to be contenders, but who now keep climbing into the ring for another paycheck - and another beating. I hope the pay is good.

None of the other performances are worth noting either, though Jon Lovitz does at least give us the very occasional chuckle. It's too bad he wasn't around to work for Mel Brooks, who could have made something of Lovitz' latent talents. I don't know what Whoopi Goldberg is supposed to have contributed to this film. She certainly isn't the least bit funny, and the same can be said of Cuba Gooding, Jr.'s performance. I guess the movie's makers just "showed him the money." The remaining cast members are lesser-known obscuranties whose careers will certainly not be helped by appearing in this kind of drivel. "Rat Race" is a slapstick B-movie made by people who think they are A-movie performers. Unfortunately, they're not even close.

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000)

A Fairy Tale Come To Life

[16 March 2001]

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon is an exquisite film and I think most people would find something to like in it. While one can find on these pages some criticism about the film's lack of character development and plot, I prefer to think of it as a fairy tale come to life, and who would require that a fairy tale have plot and character development? Rather, fairy tales have messages that are universal: unrequited love, the call of honor and duty, the desire to believe in something greater than oneself, etc. These messages are not presented in a heavy-handed way, but are lightly delivered. In fact, this film brings to mind a wonderful British film of recent years, "Fairy Tale: A True Story." Likewise, watching the magnificent depictions of people flying in Crouching Tiger even conjures up images of Peter Pan, though it is done far better here than we ever could have hoped for in the days of Peter Pan.

I am not a martial arts afficionado, and I tend to regard most films that are centered on martial arts as comedies - intended or not. However, the swordsmanship in Crouching Tiger is nothing less than brilliant. Even if it is mostly accomplished by special effects and film editing, the result is stunning. In this film people DO fly across roof tops and up walls, and one lone swordsman DOES defeat dozens of the enemy; but it's never camp or hokey. In the context of this fairy tale it's REAL. Don't expect to have a life-changing experience by watching Crouching Tiger. Do expect, though, to see a really excellent movie with superb actors, stunning scenery and costuming, brilliant action sequences - and the wonderful music that accompanies them - and the universal themes that we can all relate to.

Angela's Ashes (1999)

An Oppressive System Yields a Thought-Provoking Film

[3 August 2000]

The Irish Free State depicted in Angela's Ashes would have to be rated one of the most deprived and depressing places in civilized Europe. Imagine: geographic isolation, political and religious impotence, abominable and disease-inducing weather, unremitting hunger, the festering wounds of a horrible civil war, and the mindset of a conquered and humiliated people emerging from 800 years of foreign domination. (And we wonder why the Catholics of the north bitterly resent the marches of the Protestant Orange Order through Catholic neighborhoods!) The collective emotional and pyschological scarring of a whole people seem more reminiscent of the experience of Russia under the Tatar Yoke than of a member-state of the British Commonwealth of Nations. It's no coincidence that both the Irish and Russian peoples have the reputation of notoriously hard drinkers. The similarity with Russia does not end there. The Ireland depicted in the film seems like nothing so much as a self-policing Gulag, where pity and compassion are in very short supply, and where the inmates have been cowed into being their own jailers. In an Irish context Catholicism seems to breed an especially virulent strain of self-loathing, while at the same time economic impotence seems to drive many into unbelievable selfishness. Personal survival at the expense of everyone and everything else seems to be the rule for most of the people in this film. I was infuriated at seeing Frank McCourt's uncle in the film act like a dog with a bone while eating his chips, and I wouldn't have been surprised to hear him growl and bark. Frank's father was, if anything, worse. It's painful to watch a man so weak as to deprive his own family of sustenance just to satisify his own need to escape the world through drink. It's painful, but it's familiar. Other reviewers here have commented on the implausibity of the wetness of the Limerick City that is the setting of much of this film. To that I would say that when your skin hangs loose on your bones and when your clothes are paper-thin every day would seem unrelentingly cold and wet, even when the sun is shining. The damp is as much psychological as physical. It's no wonder that countless Irish have escaped that environment through drink, and countless more have physically - but not altogether emotionally - escaped through immigration. The effect of this harsh film is to make us pity and remember the downtrodden victims, but also to give thanks and admire those who survived. In the end, the only ray of sun that I can recall seeing in the entire film was the one playing on the Statue of Liberty in New York Harbour, welcoming those "tired...poor...huddled masses, yearning to breathe free." Only then did Irish eyes really feel like smiling.

Conspiracy Theory (1997)

A Surprisingly Good Film

[23 July 2000]

Let me say immediately that I would recommend this film to almost anyone but the most literal-minded. This film will be different things to different people. It can be a macho thriller, a subtle romance, an ironic look at ourselves, or a combination of all these things. The great thing about this movie is not so much the plot, but the individual situations and scenes. What is meant to be portrayed as paranoid behaviour by Mel Gibson's character, Jerry Fletcher, becomes quite funny when the viewer recognizes his or her own self doing similar things, but in a context that is supposedly "normal." Jerry's having a padlock on his refrigerator and a combination lock on his coffee will bring a smile to the lips of anyone who has to deal with numerous computer "logons" and passwords to gain access to even the most mundane things in our computer-dominated workplaces. Likewise, the writers and director are spot on when they show poor paranoid Jerry going to separate mailboxes to post his various letters, while many of us here in the on-line world will routinely use pseudonyms, proxies, remailers, etc for the very same reason that Jerry takes his seemingly abnormal precautions, i.e., to avoid potentially prying eyes. So, who's paranoid? I thought this was very insightful. As for overt humour, perhaps my guard was down, but I laughed until tears came to my eyes when Jerry tossed off joke about a man who had only three minutes to live. Mel Gibson's delivery of the punch line was perfect. As for pathos and those human moments, scenes in which Jerry would gladly die for just a brushing kiss from his worshipped Julia Roberts might bring back memories of anyone's naive, tender years and momentarily make your heart ache. And a scene in which Jerry is unable to explain why he compulsively buys copies of the same book over and over again is very poignant, indeed. Mel Gibson put a lot of energy into what was obviously a demanding role and, as usual, Julia Roberts lights up the screen in every scene she's in. The film might be a fantasy, but it's the sort of fantasy many of us can appreciate.

The Whole Nine Yards (2000)

If urination is "number 1", this film is definitely "number 2."

[13 June 2000]

This film is not ALL bad; it's just mostly bad. As when doing "number 2", it can be satisfying at times. Those times are all due to the work of supporting-cast members Michael Clarke Duncan and Amanda Peet. The rest of the film is mostly mindless (and humourless) tripe mixed with crass "product placement" - so much so that while I can't recall a single quip from this so-called comedy, I do remember the name of the mouthwash used in the film, and the name of the beer-flavoured beverage that some of the actors were drinking at the end of the movie! Even though Matthew Perry has a couple of good moments of physical comedy, he mostly comes across as a younger version of Charles Grodin - not a complement. As for Bruce Willis, he doesn't even bother acting; he just plays Bruce Willis - also not a complement. If you want to see this movie, try to catch it at a reduced-price showing. That way you won't feel that you've been totally ripped off.

Happy, Texas (1999)

A slip-shod, unfunny comedy that appeals to the pseudo-sensitive.

[13 February 2000]

Not wanting to waste money on the usual cinema tripe, I try to check out the outstanding information on films that is contained here in the IMDB. This time, however, I neglected to do so and paid the price.

"Happy, Texas" is a flimsy, lightweight of a movie that misses every chance it had to be funny. Rather than satirize the stereotypical country bumpkin - whom everyone would quickly recognize as unreal and stereotypical - the film chooses to go the condescending route of "real Texans can be gay, too." We know they're "real" because they drink long-neck Buds and like to go rabbit hunting. The homosexual characters in this film are just good 'ole boys in cowboy hats who like line-dancing with each other out in rural Texas. How democratic. How normal. What starts out as slap-stick a la Martin and Lewis, quickly degenerates into a pseudo-sensitive soap opera. As truly unfunny as I find the original Jerry Lewis, he is infinitely more acceptable than the violently stupid character played by Steve Zahn. The difference, of course, is that the characters which Jerry Lewis played never existed in reality, whereas one can encounter Steve Zahn's addle-brained character in half-way houses from sea to shining sea. Funny, it isn't.

In keeping with the psychologically-correct ethos of female "empowerment", all the women in this film are stronger than the men. In this movie the heroine runs the bank and is the leading light in the town, while the unhappy sheriff can be found at the side of the road weeping. The only two strong men in the film are the pathological Zahn character and a homicidal-maniac bank robber. Almost all the other men are either complete buffoons, morons, or repressed homosexuals. The popularity of this film may be some sort of social commentary in itself, but as a movie "Happy, Texas" is neither happy nor Texas.

The Craic (1999)

Makes you proud to be from Oz

[8/10 · 10 May 1999]

The outstanding feature of this film is its "feel good" quality -in the best sense of that expression. I must admit that I'd never seen Jimmeoin before, so maybe I'm just enamoured by first impressions. Nevertheless, I laughed out loud more than once while watching this movie, and I left the theatre feeling glad that I had seen "The Craic." Can't ask for more than that can you? Go see it.

Bulworth (1998)

"Comedy/Satire" that throws some great punches, but pulls a few, too.

[19 April 1999]

Wow! It certainly was unusual. Definitely a worthwhile movie, especially if you hate political correctness. If only Beatty had gone all the way.

Beatty's character, a U.S. Senator, slams (by name) avaricious oil companies, lambasts the entire health insurance industry, accuses a predominately Jewish movie industry of money-grubbing, and portrays politicians as venal, corrupt cronies of the moneyed class. It is wonderful to hear him deliver the hilariously vacuous lines that are so typical of self-described "leaders of the community" - e.g., "let us move forward...together...My fellow Americans/Californians/New Yorkers, etc...." What a hoot! He doesn't spare himself, either, accurately depicting himself as a yellow-toothed, half-dessicated, morally-impaired, middle-aged failure. It's all great fun. But he pulls his punches by not allocating to the Negro/Black/African-American/(next:Sub-Saharan-American!) population the same level of scorn that he heaps on himself and everyone else. What a cop out! Worse, it's condescending.

Having said that, I think anyone looking for something other than a pleasant evening at the movies should see this one if it is still around. It's got a rough, unpolished energy that is admirable. It tosses stereotypes around with abandon, but it's nice to be able to do that in this day and age. Go see it.

Analyze This (1999)

Highlight: JOE VITERELLI steals this movie from DeNiro and Crystal. Lowlight: almost everyone else seems to be sleepwalking, especially the director.

[5/10 · 12 March 1999]

It's hard to believe that the same director, Harold Ramis, who brought us GROUNDHOG DAY and CADDYSHACK could have served up this weakly executed comedy about a "shrink to the mob." The occasional flash of brilliant dialog is overwhelmed by the poor production values (e.g., a boom mike dangling over De Niro's head in one scene) and hammy performances by both Crystal and De Niro. The one bright spot is the wonderful performance of Joe Viterelli as "Jelly," De Niro's faithful sidekick. Viterelli's delivery and demeanor are absolutely perfect. A good word, too, for young Kyle Sabihy, who plays Crystal's son. Without these two supporting actors the movie would have been an unmitigated disaster.

While others have commented on how the "shrink to the mob" idea has been done before, I was left with the feeling that this movie was more analagous to those horrible Dean Martin "rat pack" movies of years past. There seems to be an in-joke here somewhere, and I think the joke is on the moviegoer. The first sign of this occured in the opening credits when the movie was described as "a Harold Ramis film." At the time I thought it was satire and portended more humor to come. I was wrong; apparently, the credit was supposed to be taken seriously. The actors, on the other hand, could not possibly be taken seriously. They tossed off their lines as if they couldn't wait for the scene to be over so they could have a good yuk among themselves. I hope De Niro got a lot of money for this role, because it certainly did nothing to enhance his professional reputation. Crystal is now making a career of playing the New York, middle-class Jewish stereotype, a la Woody Allen. Lisa Kudrow, despite the pseudo-WASP name of her character, comes across as just another attractive Jewish American Princess and love interest for Crystal. Growing fat and lazy - at least mentally - is often a fact of life. Harold Ramis needs to look in the mirror and try to find the brilliant Chicagoan of years past. He's got to be in there somewhere .

Kundun (1997)

Unforgiveable lapses: Caucasian "Chinese" and U.S. Military Trucks

[7 March 1999]

Sure, I enjoyed the film. It made the Dalai Lama appear quite human, not at all the reincarnation of a deity. Lucious colours, excellent actors, etc. But why, oh why, did Scorcese go for the cheap option of trying to pass off Caucasian extras as Chinese soldiers? And apparently so few people now have a background of military service that the director decided to fob off U.S.-made military trucks - the venerable "deuce and a half, no less - as Chinese military equipment! In a world awash with former Soviet military equipment it would not seem so difficult to obtain a few old eastern bloc trucks. The Cadillac V-8 sedan seemed a bit out of place in "Peking", too.

The point is that the director should pay more attention to detail. The movie goer wants to concentrate on the feast that the director is serving up, and not be diverted by the proverbial "fly in the soup."

Ronin (1998)

GUN BATTLES AND CAR CHASES DO NOT A PLOT MAKE, EVEN WITH A FINE CAST AND GREAT LOCATIONS.

[6/10 · 25 February 1999]

If you think "chic flics" are silly, wait'll you see this "guy flick." Intelligence mercenaries, all with a two day growth of beard and wearing black leather jackets. Gauloise-smoking, tender tough-guys. Car chases and gun battles ad infinitum. Yanks, Russians, Irish, a Scandinavian, les Francaise, Paris, Nice, KGB, CIA - everything but the New York Yankees and Manchester United! The director probably had to settle for a crane in one scene because a blast furnace wouldn't fit on the set.

Don't get me wrong, I actually enjoyed this silly movie, especially the macho chemistry between Robert De Niro and Jean Reno. At one point I thought they might actually kiss each other - in a manly sort of way, of course. These two guys are every bit the equal of that pair from a previous generation, Newman and Redford playing their Butch and Sundance roles.

There is, however, one particularly totally reprehensible scene in which an innocent young child is made an arbitrary target. Director Frankenheimer should hold his head in shame for having included this gratuitous scene in an otherwise innocuous movie. The inclusion of a car chase through the tunnels of Paris is also stunningly insensitive.

Come to think of it, perhaps this is not just the "guy flick" that I assumed it to be. Maybe it's just the swan song of a bitter old director trying to exploit a 1960's format in the late 1990's. Oh, well, I'd better knock off the pop psychology. If you're a guy, you'll probably like the flick. If you're a woman...well, my wife refused to see it with me. C'est la vie!

Juggernaut (1974)

Great Cinematography, Top Notch Cast, Strange Errors in Plot and Dialogue

[30 December 1998]

If you love ocean liners, the sea, and a good adventure yarn this movie might be just your cup of tea despite the film's serious shortcomings. As well, there is a wonderful cast of familiar - though much younger- faces (Omar Sharif, Richard Harris, Shirley Knight, Anthony Hopkins, Roy Kinnear, et al.) This wonderful raw material, however, is ill served by some rather horrendous plot and dialogue lapses.

On an ocean liner - beautifully filmed plowing through heavy seas - that is threated with destruction by multiple on-board bombs it does not seem to have occurred to the director to have the passengers and crew wear life jackets! What's worse, while defusing the bombs, a bomb-disposal "expert" (Richard Harris) not only announces that he's turning a screw "clockwise" when he's actually turning it counter-clockwise, but often announces what he's doing only after he's done it! At one point he announces that he's going to cut a particular wire, but then cuts a different one! Needless to say, if he had blown himself up his team mates would have assumed that the wire that he said he was going to cut was the incorrect one, they would have cut the other one, and they, too, would have been blown to smithereens! These lapses in dialogue are totally inexcusable. How on earth can Richard Harris turn a screw in one direction while saying that he's turning it in the opposite direction and have this apparently escape the notice of Harris, the director, the film editor, and everyone else involved? This is the verbal equivalent of having an actor wearing a red shirt in one frame that magically turns into a green shirt in the next.

This is not a low-budget film. That's a real passenger liner at sea that they're filming, and the cast must have cost a bundle, as well. There are even cameo appearances by Michael Hordern and Cyril Cusack! What could have gone down as one of the best adventure films is, alas, just another missed opportunity. Such a shame. Nevertheless, go see it just to know what might have been.

Pokuszenie (1995)

A thought-provoking psychological drama full of moral/political/religious/sexual tension.

[8/10 · 25 November 1998]

"The Temptation", as the film is known in English, is a marvelous Polish film that presents eternal psychological themes. Set in a political prison in post-war Poland, the story revolves around the sexual and spiritual tensions created when the security service coerces a beautiful young nun into close proximity to an imprisoned Polish bishop. This black and white film perfectly echoes the starkly contrasting demands in human nature: natural desire and spiritual will; fear and faith; love and rejection, subjugation and freedom. The sexual tension and human longing are palpable, and the security service's understanding of these human forces is extraordinarily well depicted, especially their ability to induce spiritual pain and doubt in order to achieve their political ends. Watching the film, the viewer is not only caught up in guessing at the actions of the protagonists, but has his own ideas and emotions constantly challenged. In this black and white film, nothing is black and white. This film by director Barbara Sass deserves wider recognition than it will undoubtedly get, and the SBS television network in Australia deserves praise for presenting the film to a wider audience.

The Apostle (1997)

Destined to become an American Classic

[3 November 1998]

THE APOSTLE is a piece of Americana from a fast-disappearing era. The story of a deeply flawed man who can heal the flaws in others. A man lustful for the good things of life in small-town America, but who willingly recognizes that he is only a step away from having absolutely nothing. A man who craves power and influence over others, but who can perform tremendous acts of generosity for those in need. A man who has an instinctive ability to understand human psychology. A big fish in a little pond.

To see Robert Duvall's character directly, forcefully, and without hesitation lead a dying man to the gates of heaven is one of the most powerful scenes in American cinema. Duvall's character could have been an interrogator, policeman or used-car salesman. Instead, he puts his talents at the service of his Lord. If he, himself, should benefit in a material way, well, that must be the Lord's will, too. This is a film about people at end-of-the-line America. This is not a perfect film, but captures some of the essence of America perfectly.

Sliding Doors (1998)

A yuppie-ish "chick flick" with pretensions of grandeur.

[3/10 · 29 October 1998]

The woman is trying to get to the train before the "sliding doors" close. If she manages to get on the train her fate will be somewhat different than if she had not gotten on. Depicting both versions of her fate is the "gimmick" chosen for this drama. Full stop. You now know the interesting (and rather pretentious) bit.

In reality it makes not a whit of difference whether Gwenyth Paltrow catches that train or not. The characters are totally self-absorbed, "90s" types that don't engender an ounce of sympathy. They are so dull that it makes one yearn for a good, old-fashioned toffee-nosed snob just to bring some life to the affair. This film also commits the unpardonable sin of making London look dull and uninspiring. But then again, that is entirely in keeping with the tone of this deplorable soap opera.