Ungoliants_Burning_Belly Reviews

Canadian Bacon (1995)

The joke is on you...

[8/10 · 21 March 2002]

I don't usually write reviews, but I feel compelled. Just read through the user comments on Canadian Bacon here and I'm chuckleing. Not only is this movie subtly hilarious, its nearly perfect as so many people are only contributing to the joke.

I recall sitting in a hostel in Switzerland on a trip across Europe, and listening to two American guys drinking and talking to two Austrailians. They were telling them about this hilarious movie called Canadian Bacon that did such a great job of making fun of how stupid and dumb Canadians are.

Which only makes the movie better, because it is so obviously, once you are in the know, a satire of America and particularly it's arrogant/ignorant (take your pick) stereotypes of Canada.

Truly, with every scathing review stating "This movie is a waste of time as it makes obvious stabs at Canada. That country should be insulted and the joke gets old." No, the joke only gets better with every American reviewer who doesn't get it, pushing it that much closer to a truly inspired masterpiece.

I Am a Promise: The Children of Stanton Elementary School (1993)

you can't turn it off, if you read this, find it, watch it

[10/10 · 4 December 2001]

This is to date, one of the most incredible documentaries or movies I have ever seen in my life. Told in raw, direct and masterfull fashion, the stories of the elementary school located in inner city Philly is put on the screen as a testament to these children.

I have never seen such hero's on the screen. The principal of the school must be one of the greatest and remarkable people on earth. The man teaching the first grade all male class is a true prophet and visionary of how we can escape the social problems of our day. He truly understands and with confidence administers more then his share of effort to heal our broken world.

Think I'm sensationalizing this movie? Find this movie, watch it, and if you don't agree with me, I will personally send you what you paid to rent/buy this movie. It gave me a grim sense of the condition we are in as human beings, however at the same time displayed the key of hope to our future in children. A masterpiece.

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (2001)

Good effects but unless you wear Harry Potter pj's, you'll be sleeping.

[5/10 · 18 November 2001]

Like most mega-hyped movies (phantom menace anyone), Harry Potter lacks much of what 'great' movies have. Not to be unneccessarily criticial but this movie will recieve many popular reviews that are just caught up in the wave after Sept. 11 to reaffirm people's confidence in just how nice it is to live today. Even Ebert has reduced himself to giving this film four stars. Lets see.

Harry in the movie is weak and without personality. It almost seems that they casted Harry Potter to be a child who's only talent it to gaze with a smile of wonderment at the fantastic visual effects around him. You'll see it over, and over, and over again. Harry takes the switch from cinderella living under the staircase to wizard celebrity without a hitch of change or realization. Just that "WOW" look on his face. Suddenly however he's compleatly not affected by an obviously harmfull enviroment.

He does show a little feeling by selecting the rejected wizard family as his friends, however not too much time for this because its on to the FX baby. Moving stairs, trolls and whatever else they can come up with. What happens is there is a defenite trend of not acting, but a director pushing kids through the motions of making a movie in between the glamourous and flashy things we saw in the trailer. Makes you wonder if thats what the movie was really made for. Great movie? Seems Chris Columbus and the movie industry has performed a little 'magic act' themselves.

The Matrix (1999)

A Sci-Fi for the rest of us

[25 May 1999]

Lots of people who watch lots of sci-fi will tell you that the Matrix didn't get into the plot enough. Too much eye candy. Or, the ever popular "too mainstream." I love the concepts regularly presented in SF, but really, I don't like Sci-Fi movies. However The first hour/half-hour of most SF flicks are really cool. Then they go off into crazy directions that I find rather boring. Too much dialog or development of the averted reality or something to that nature bore me. Really, after the first half hour I get the premise. It's time to move on. Dark City had a great first 45 minutes. But it lost me after that. Not because I couldn't follow, but just because the non-mainstream course it took wasn't in my tastes. Some like that now, but I do not. What the Matrix did do, much like Star Wars, was take a SF story, present it in a way that was aimed more at me as the average guy who likes SF but not hardcore. Which I really did appriciate: its rare (T2, The Matrix, Star Wars) that SF is produced, a genre I enjoy, that is aimed at my interest level in the subject. Forget staying true to SF ideals. Whether they toned it down to make money or not I'm glad this cool concept was finialy made for me.

Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999)

Ok, but get off the bandwagon guys.

[5/10 · 25 May 1999]

Yep, I'm a die hard fan. And I got up at 3 to see it at 6 before work on the opening day. And I was with other die hard fans. The only horrible part was how the people I went with decided that to be cool they would say that Episode 1 was 'awesome' before they watched it. Just because it's Star Wars doesn't mean it's great. I've never waited so long for a movie. But here's what I think. The score lacked. These movies go together as one right. All 6 of'em will be the Star Wars Sexillogy. (or whatever). So why not use the endeared Star Wars music. The imperial death march, the Luke Skywalker music. That music gives it that Star Wars feel. Instead, trying to be different, they covered it. Made the music 'sorta like' the original music which I found was just teasing me. When they start going into the familar music and then change it that makes me go ick. (I hate puff daddy too). Comic relief. Sorry, it is not Star Wars to goof around and be cute all the time. Even the Ewoks, however cute, came to the realization of a grim fight against evil and that deal. That sense of urgency and neccessity that kept you on the edge of your seat. Jar Jar is America's Funniest Home Videos with Bob Sagett, not George Lucas's masterpiece, Star Wars. C3PO's comic relief is much better. Makes us laugh because of the character's good development in interesting situitations, not because his pants fall down when reaching for his light saber. Action, it was great. Plot, it was ok. But this movie didn't incorporate them at all. It had a long plot sequence followed by a long action sequence. What was riveting about the previous movies was how in the heat of a duel precious information was given to increase the tension. As cool as the duel was it could have been so much better if Darth Maul was given lines to make him sinisterly evil. If we knew something of who he was. Scenes like Anakin going to the queen were boring. And they would string them together so you'd have one huge sequence of people talking to each other. Look to Empire. The battle of Hoth is one of the best action bits in history. And while it's going on we've got Lea and Han chit chatting. Great stuff. Lucas should have mixed and matched more with plot and action. Now, not to totally dump on the movie. It was good. But to be great and be Star Wars again Lucas has to stick with what made the first 3 great and Star Wars. Stop marketing to the 12 year olds and get credit for his amazing talents. Get back to emotions and finially make that Star Wars prequel I've been waiting for since Jedi. Again it was ok, but as far as I'm concerned, I'm still waiting.