el gato-2 Reviews

Carnets d'ado: Life After All (2003) Season 1, Episode 9

Tales from the orphanage

[3/10 · 26 July 2004]

Life After All appears to be a part of a series of films entitled Tales from the Orphanage. Clearly a cheery start to any uplifting drama. To begin with, it was quite obvious that this was a TV movie, in terms of appearance and acting. Not that television doesn't produce fine movies but that this never had the appeal of a feature film. I was never convinced by the actors in this film particularly the young boy who plays the little brother. My annoyance with his character grew with each passing scene. Furthermore I just felt that the movie dragged on and caught myself on the remote with my finger over the fast forward button a couple of times. I've decided that any movie in which I desperately want to fast forward to the end cannot be a good film. I would stay away from this unless you are looking to improve upon your French or English (via the subtitles.) I'll give it a 3 out of 10.

The Night Before (1988)

Keanu and Lori it is a must not see!

[3/10 · 24 October 2003]

I was intrigued to see this movie after I found out that it was one of Keanu's earlier film debuts. The novelty of Keanu's performance wore off quite fast once I realized how absolutely dreadful this movie was. It was truly a struggle to get through it. Actually I only saw the ending a week or so later when I caught it being televised again. Even the beautiful Lori Loughlin was unable to rescue this film from the depths of mediocrity and garbage. Avoid this movie even if you are a Keanu fan.

Braindead (1992)

Intestines can really kill you.

[10/10 · 8 February 1999]

This is by far the best horror film I have ever seen in my life. This movie has everything - a horrifying rat monkey, a baby zombie, zombies having sex, gratuitous violence, extreme gore, a super fighting ninja priest, an evil annoying mom that turns into a zombie, a womanizing relative that is a pathetic loser, an old psychic that predicts the future, and lastly someone who takes care of them all. Oh, I can't forget to mention an inspirational scene with a lawnmower too. Overall I give this cinematic masterpiece the highest review, me throwing up in the bathroom afterwards from absolute disgust.

Cemetery Man (1994)

A riveting film that kept me awake at night.

[10/10 · 7 February 1999]

I first watched this movie on T.V. at about two in the morning and have been thankful ever since that I had stayed awake. This was perhaps the best horror movie that I have ever seen. I almost would not even classify this as horror but a visual pleasure with a plot that is enough to keep you on the edge of your seat. Enjoy.

Frankenhooker (1990)

Do not watch this.

[1/10 · 7 February 1999]

I thought that I had some idea of what I was getting into when I rented this film but I was sorely mistaken. I expected a predictable plot with senseless gore and terrible dialog but what I got was much, much worse. It was truly a chore to get through this movie and I would not even recommend looking at the box of this movie in the video store. I hope that I can save someone from the pain that I have had to endure.