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OpalCat
Reviews
Particles of Truth (2003)
I'm glad I didn't pay for this
My TiVo automatically records shows with Gale Harold in them, and that is the only reason this movie ever even came across my radar. From the moment I started watching it to the blessed moment when the credits finally rolled, I was stunned at the sheer awfulness of this movie. It very obviously tries *so hard* to be deep and meaningful, and falls flat at every turn. The jarring and distracting camera work, "moody" insufficient lighting, and cliché-ridden plot made the film nearly unwatchable. I kept watching only because I thought maybe it would pull together by the end. It never does.
What this movie is, is a pile of disjointed plot fragments, inane dialogue, and Dysfunctional Archetype characters, lurching around for an hour and forty-five minutes. Gale, who I think is a very talented actor, was completely unbelievable as a germophobe. I blame this on writing and directing. In some situations he is shown as extreme--using an alcohol wipe to open his own medicine cabinet door, for example--but then the next second he is touching people and objects willy-nilly and not appearing to be bothered at all. It's very inconsistent and completely fails at credibility.
The "style" of the movie is to cut away from shots and scenes before the audience can figure out what they are supposed to mean, because that's "deep" and "mysterious" or something. By the end you are supposed to assemble the rubble you've been shown into some sort of cohesive unit, but not only does it not all fit together, but I was left not really caring one way or the other. It was so disjointed that I never came to care about anyone or anything being shown. Too many elements are extraneous and never used--for example the entire storyline (if you can call it that) of the roommate, which neither goes anywhere nor adds anything.
I only didn't give it one star because of the existence of "Manos, Hands of Fate" in film history.
The Game (1997)
Worst movie ever.
SPOILER!!! I'm actually in a bad mood now after seeing this movie. It is rare that a movie actually p***es me off, but this one did.
I don't want to give away the plot, but let's just say that if it were me at the end... I'd have killed several people just for the satisfaction, and gone to prison willingly. That anyone would do that to someone they supposedly cared for... And then I'd have sued every single person involved.
The fact that none of those things happened ruined the movie for me. The "perps" got off, and they never should have. My sense of "I'll show them" was completely unsatisfied.
I give this movie a 0 out of 10.
Mulholland Dr. (2001)
It's either for you or it isn't. If it is, you'll love it.
This is the sort of movie that takes time and repeated viewings to understand. That isn't the kind of thing some people like. For those people, I'd say.... go see a different movie.
However, if you like weird movies that don't make sense right away, until you really think about them... I'd recommend this. Most David Lynch fans will enjoy the movie, I think.
City Slickers (1991)
Pathetic attempts at comedy with a dash of cattle abuse thrown in.
Yee-haw. Not.
There are very, very few movies that I can't sit all the way through, and I think this is going to be one of them.
I got exactly halfway through and it's so annoying that I just can't stand it. I think the most grating part is Jack Palance's voice. Good god, he sounds like he's doing the voice character for some cheesy cartoon villain. It is also the same stupid voice he always does. IT IS OLD, BUDDY! GET A NEW SCHTICK!
Aside from the totally lame attempts at humor and everything else wrong with it, seeing running cattle yanked off their feet by their necks isn't my idea of entertainment. At the beginning, seeing the bulls running, slipping and falling over on the cobblestones, and rolling their eyes back in terror wasn't very fun either...
Anyway, the plot could not be less interesting, or the humor less funny. Add in a dose of cattle abuse and you've got...uh... a pile of crap.
I doubt I'll watch the rest of it.
Probe: Computer Logic (1988)
Cancelled way before its time
This show was fun. It was sort of zany and odd, offbeat in a neat way, and at the same time a smart show with plots that drew you in.
I think it lasted less than one season, but I could be wrong.
The Ring (2002)
Apparently this was supposed to be scary.
This was supposed to be "the scariest movie since Sixth Sense" ... which I suppose is apt, since neither Sixth Sense nor The Ring is scary.
The music was well done--it set a scary mood even though the plot couldn't do so. There were some creepy scenes, and the brief glimpses we got of the scary special effects makeup were creepy... It seemed to me to be more of a mystery than a horror movie.
We found ourselves laughing more often than being scared... and it wasn't because the movie wanted to have humorous parts. I also spent a lot of time wondering who punched the kid and gave him two black eyes...
Not to say that it wasn't kinda enjoyable, but I am glad I saw a matinee.
Koneko monogatari (1986)
A documentary of animal abuse
Sure, the end result was a very cute movie, but now that I am a parent I would never allow my son to see this film. Every scene includes some horrible thing done to the animal 'actors' in order to get a particular shot. Cats and dogs thrown off cliffs into ocean breakers, riding down whitewater rivers in a box, chased by predators, shaking and wet and caked in snow... it really is a nonstop montage of abusive scenes. The movie was filmed in Japan so it did NOT have the American standard of animal supervision, and it is interesting to note that the disclaimer at the end does NOT say that no animals were harmed.
I would never want my son to think that it was ok to treat animals this way, nor would I want to support the film industry in making films this way. The animals in this movie had no idea that it was all "just pretend" nor did they give consent. They probably thought they were about to die any number of times during the filming, and that is assuming that none did die, which I'm not too sure of.
I think it is important to consider the moral ramifications before viewing this movie or showing it to children.
Dinosaur (2000)
Our family loved it, especially the 4 year old
My son, age 4, is a dinosaur fanatic. We went to this movie knowing that many people had said that it was "Land Before Time" crossed with "Jurassic Park" but we went anyway. Good thing, too! This movie was great! Unlike so many Disney movies (and, incidentally, the LBT movies) there are no scenes where the characters sing! Woohoo! That alone puts it ahead of LBT. Second, the plots really aren't that similar. "Finding your way home" is a major theme in a LOT of literature/film/etc throughout history; people ragging on Disney for not being original are just, in my opinion, jumping on the "slam the movie" bandwagon.
The Land Before time movies follow a bunch of children through learning about friendship via facing this and that adventure. The characters in Dinosaur (primarily adult characters) learn about friendship also, but then that is a theme in almost every movie ever made. They also learn to question tradition in favor of new ideas, helping and teamwork, and a lot of other stuff that is just good kids' movie values.
I agree that some children might be scared by parts of the movie. My son wasn't, he loved the whole thing and wanted to see it again... but he's pretty fearless.
Morozko (1965)
This is your movie on drugs.
I have rarely seen a film so lacking in the elements that typically make up a movie. Plot. Characterization. Dialog. Cinematography. This film jumped from sub-plot to sub-plot by way of ridiculous characters, woeful direction, and very very very bad acting. Overall, on a scale of 1-10, I'd give it a zero. This film will bring shame on the families of those involved for generations to come. I wonder if this film was the reason for the fall of the Soviet Union...
On the other hand, I saw it on MST3k and it was among the most humorous episode of that show that I can remember since Joel left.