Each time I try to watch another comic-book derivative absurd I wonder if I am from another planet, or people who create such movies are from another world. I can't understand how one can enjoy such total nonsense. There is a couple of interesting scenes in this movie, but most of the time I felt like watching someone playing a bad action computer game with characters smashing one another thru buildings... Definitely a masterpiece for some other race, I am not sure if you need to e a superhuman, or subhuman to enjoy this kind of movies.
Reviews
11 Reviews
Alien: Covenant
(2017)
Morrons vs. Aliens
16 September 2017
Warning: Spoilers
Stupid, stupid, stupid... The main problem with Alien Covenat is its utterly bad script. A bunch of morons is responsible for extremely expensive colonization ship with thousands hibernated colonists on-board. This team is the opposite of what you can expect from astronauts like ones portrayed in Apollo 13 or Space Odyssey 2001 - the best of human kind, high-end professionals able to keep their nerves at bay even at extreme events. Covenant is managed by a bunch of emotional idiots. The only characters showing some intelligence are the two David androids. After spaceship malfunction captain decides to change the course and direct the ship to an unknown nearby planet that seems to be habitable. At arrival, they don't take care to explore the planed with robots/drones to check if there is no danger on its surface, they land directly into a storm, and go out without any protective suits. How could they know that there is no dangerous pathogens, toxins, parasites on this unknown planet? Of course right away two guys inhale alien spores and start to be very ill. Instead of quarantining them, one is taken directly into the ship... and then the carnage begins. The logic in this movie may be acceptable to a 5-10 years old kids, although this is not a film for young kids. Anyone with IQ >80 must feel insulted by the stupidity of the script.
What are the good points of Alien Covenant? Alien planet looks great, especially viewed from space. Space ships and gear design is acceptable, however it looks as it was designed by a CG artist and not by scientists/engineers - not very realistic. The first scene in the movie with David and its creator also is pretty good.
Well, another Alien disappointment movie.
Please, for the next one take care to hire a scrip-writer with IQ above average, and ensure that astronauts behave like astronauts and not like Somali truck drivers. Hire some scientists engineers to check the script and consult the design of space ships / equipment to make it more believable. Otherwise we won't get a Sci-Fi horror, but another dumb-fiction carnage.
What are the good points of Alien Covenant? Alien planet looks great, especially viewed from space. Space ships and gear design is acceptable, however it looks as it was designed by a CG artist and not by scientists/engineers - not very realistic. The first scene in the movie with David and its creator also is pretty good.
Well, another Alien disappointment movie.
Please, for the next one take care to hire a scrip-writer with IQ above average, and ensure that astronauts behave like astronauts and not like Somali truck drivers. Hire some scientists engineers to check the script and consult the design of space ships / equipment to make it more believable. Otherwise we won't get a Sci-Fi horror, but another dumb-fiction carnage.
Jack Strong
(2014)
Hollywood should learn from Jack Strong
19 March 2014
Despite I live in Poland, I saw just a couple polish films in last 20 years. I was so disappointed with some of polish films I watched in 80's and early 90's that I completely stopped watching polish productions. Few ones I watched during 90's and 2000's were lame or just "so-so". I especially loathed the way polish actors play and speak - it was unnatural, theatrical.
But since I was interested by real story depicted by Jack Strong, I give it a try and I must admit this film is really perfect. There is still a little bit of this annoying theatrical manner when polish actors speak, but it is just a tint, and probably this is completely not detectable by non polish speakers. The rest is great - very realistic to smallest details (I still perfectly remember 70's & 80's during communist rule) Russians speak Russian, Poles speak Polish, Americans speak English. Filmed in real locations in real winter, with real snow. Real cars from 70, with real looking chases (and no CG or accelerated paces. Intelligent move for intelligent people in the same class like Argo or Der Baader Meinhof Komplex. Very refreshing experience after all those dumb nonsense full of CG served by Hollywood lately.
Let's hope this fill will be soon released on blu-ray, so more people outside Poland can enjoy this masterpiece.
But since I was interested by real story depicted by Jack Strong, I give it a try and I must admit this film is really perfect. There is still a little bit of this annoying theatrical manner when polish actors speak, but it is just a tint, and probably this is completely not detectable by non polish speakers. The rest is great - very realistic to smallest details (I still perfectly remember 70's & 80's during communist rule) Russians speak Russian, Poles speak Polish, Americans speak English. Filmed in real locations in real winter, with real snow. Real cars from 70, with real looking chases (and no CG or accelerated paces. Intelligent move for intelligent people in the same class like Argo or Der Baader Meinhof Komplex. Very refreshing experience after all those dumb nonsense full of CG served by Hollywood lately.
Let's hope this fill will be soon released on blu-ray, so more people outside Poland can enjoy this masterpiece.
Tropico
(2013 Music Video)
Tropico - Philosophical short music movie which makes you think & be a better person
29 January 2014
Tropico is very unusual film. I don't recall seeing other productions similar to it. Or you have standard short music videos, or full length music films like The Wall or Yellow Submarine. Tropico is something in between : 27 minutes long, featuring three songs, some dialogs and a lot of poetry (parts of poems : I Sing the Body Electric by Walt Whitman, Howl by Allen Ginsberg and America, why I love her by John Mitchum.) First part is a surrealistic grotesque - cowboy's parody of Garden of Eden with John Wayne as God, Lana as Eve, white Afro-American (albino) as Adam, and Marilyn Monroe, Elvis Presley and Jesus. Second part ultra realistic depiction of urban Hell on Earth created by men in "land of god and monsters" - Los Angeles: drugs, liquor, smokes, strippers, prostitutes, gangsters, firearms, mind killing jobs etc... Third part is dreamy, romantic redemption part in country side (Hills around LA ?)
Tropico is definitely worth watching and listening, even if you are not Lana's fan. Who is not familiar with Walt Whitman, and Allen Ginsberg poetry, should first read mentioned poems, and maybe also some analysis of those poems to better understand the meaning of whole thing.
For me Tropico is a philosophical short music movie which makes you think and to be a better person.
SUBTITLES :
If somebody looks for polish subtitles for Tropico, I just finished the translation. You can downland the file from mine website : www.graphique3d.republika.pl/Tropico.zip
Tropico is definitely worth watching and listening, even if you are not Lana's fan. Who is not familiar with Walt Whitman, and Allen Ginsberg poetry, should first read mentioned poems, and maybe also some analysis of those poems to better understand the meaning of whole thing.
For me Tropico is a philosophical short music movie which makes you think and to be a better person.
SUBTITLES :
If somebody looks for polish subtitles for Tropico, I just finished the translation. You can downland the file from mine website : www.graphique3d.republika.pl/Tropico.zip
Prometheus
(I) (2012)
It could be better, it could be more believable...
23 July 2012
Pros : Great landscapes, natural look, not CG, great design of alien interiors.
Cons : too much, too unbelievable scenes :
SPOILER :
1) they care about atmosphere chemical composition, but they ignore potential biohazard and take their helmets off.
2) Alien growth is unbelievably fast. Noomi Rapace learns that she is pregnant with alien, so she undergo an abortion on automated surgery device - when she strips off, her belly is flat, when machine takes out the alien fetus it looks like weighting 10 kg or more... The fetus remains in operating chamber and after one day it is big as elephant - what have it eaten there to grow so fast ? Bandages ? Iodine ? This is just STUPID! Noomi Rapace after abortion (removing of 10kg alien) has a 20 cm cut in her belly but she is fit enough to go to aliens ship in after 2 hours, and to run and jump like wind after few more hours. Buhaha !
3) Huge Alien ship is rammed by Prometheus ship, collision looks like taking place at 50km/h. Alien ship drops from altitude of more than 1km, but when it hurts the ground it is pretty much intact. Even the android head inside the alien ship remains unhurt in the same place... Total nonsense. If Alien ship would be so fragile (no force field) to be destroyed by the collision with Prometheus, it would transform to dust when hitting the ground.
4) Android Dave is learning hindu, and after those lessons he is able to read alien texts, to unlock alien secret codes and communicate with aliens... And to operate their ship. LOL !
5) They land on a random spot on alien planet (they didn't knew where to look for aliens)and they land exactly where aliens base was...
6) Trip from earth took 2.5 year, when the closest star system is 4 light years from earth.
7) Aliens were engineering quite bizarre weapons on the planet (monsters) instead of making just some simple viruses or just nukes (cheaper, easier, more efficient)
8) Prometheus aerodynamic shape would make it burn when entering atmosphere (it even haven't decelerated from lightspeed)
9) IQ and mentality of most of team members is closer to one you could expect from a plumber or gangster than a member of space mission to another planet costing billions $.
10) Having a light inside helmet looks cool, but it would prevent the guy inside to see what is around (due to light reflexes on glass - if you don't believe, try to drive your care with interior light during the night)
11) DNA of Alien Engineers is identical to contemporary humans - so why chimpanzees DNA is 98% similar to human? Were chimpanzees, Neanderthals, gibbons and Australopithecus also engineered by aliens - and what about mice and cats ? We share a LOT of DNA with all lifeforms on earth. The whole idea that humans were engineered by aliens to be exactly like aliens is a pure nonsense. ------------
But it could be worse - the plus is that they don't speak English with aliens (as it would be the case in Star Trek ;-) ) They use their pressure suits and helmets sometime (as it wouldn't be the case in Star Wars) And there are no laser guns shots.
In all it is the best, the most spectacular move from Alien series, better than Star Wars, better than Avatar, but it is not near close to Kubrick Space Odyssey 2001. Sadly too dumb. Too much bang, not enough thought and spirit.
Cons : too much, too unbelievable scenes :
SPOILER :
1) they care about atmosphere chemical composition, but they ignore potential biohazard and take their helmets off.
2) Alien growth is unbelievably fast. Noomi Rapace learns that she is pregnant with alien, so she undergo an abortion on automated surgery device - when she strips off, her belly is flat, when machine takes out the alien fetus it looks like weighting 10 kg or more... The fetus remains in operating chamber and after one day it is big as elephant - what have it eaten there to grow so fast ? Bandages ? Iodine ? This is just STUPID! Noomi Rapace after abortion (removing of 10kg alien) has a 20 cm cut in her belly but she is fit enough to go to aliens ship in after 2 hours, and to run and jump like wind after few more hours. Buhaha !
3) Huge Alien ship is rammed by Prometheus ship, collision looks like taking place at 50km/h. Alien ship drops from altitude of more than 1km, but when it hurts the ground it is pretty much intact. Even the android head inside the alien ship remains unhurt in the same place... Total nonsense. If Alien ship would be so fragile (no force field) to be destroyed by the collision with Prometheus, it would transform to dust when hitting the ground.
4) Android Dave is learning hindu, and after those lessons he is able to read alien texts, to unlock alien secret codes and communicate with aliens... And to operate their ship. LOL !
5) They land on a random spot on alien planet (they didn't knew where to look for aliens)and they land exactly where aliens base was...
6) Trip from earth took 2.5 year, when the closest star system is 4 light years from earth.
7) Aliens were engineering quite bizarre weapons on the planet (monsters) instead of making just some simple viruses or just nukes (cheaper, easier, more efficient)
8) Prometheus aerodynamic shape would make it burn when entering atmosphere (it even haven't decelerated from lightspeed)
9) IQ and mentality of most of team members is closer to one you could expect from a plumber or gangster than a member of space mission to another planet costing billions $.
10) Having a light inside helmet looks cool, but it would prevent the guy inside to see what is around (due to light reflexes on glass - if you don't believe, try to drive your care with interior light during the night)
11) DNA of Alien Engineers is identical to contemporary humans - so why chimpanzees DNA is 98% similar to human? Were chimpanzees, Neanderthals, gibbons and Australopithecus also engineered by aliens - and what about mice and cats ? We share a LOT of DNA with all lifeforms on earth. The whole idea that humans were engineered by aliens to be exactly like aliens is a pure nonsense. ------------
But it could be worse - the plus is that they don't speak English with aliens (as it would be the case in Star Trek ;-) ) They use their pressure suits and helmets sometime (as it wouldn't be the case in Star Wars) And there are no laser guns shots.
In all it is the best, the most spectacular move from Alien series, better than Star Wars, better than Avatar, but it is not near close to Kubrick Space Odyssey 2001. Sadly too dumb. Too much bang, not enough thought and spirit.
Funnier than Beavis & Butthead, and totally politically incorrect.
4 January 2010
I am from Poland, but I dislike most of polish movies. I can't recall a single polish movie I could recommend to international audience. Of course there are some movies that may fit to some people looking for something different from Hollywood productions, but they won't fit to everybody's taste.
Saying that I highly recommend this cartoon for everybody who loved Beavis & Butthead, South Park or Cow & Chicken. For me Lorts of the Flys is funnier than all those cartoons.
This is a movie version made after a huge success of the cartoon series (at this moment some 95 episodes, each about 20 minutes, have been produced)
I never watched English version of this series so it is hard to say how funny is the translated version. Sometime it may be very hard to translate some jokes, or other funny sentences playing on multiple meaning of words. Also some local specifics can play a role.
It is quite easy to understand the jokes and sense of humor in US cartoons like Beavis & Butthead or Cow & Chicken because most people around the world are more or less aware of US culture (Thanks to predominant role of Hollywood). However US awareness of Polish culture is probably at the same level as this of the Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan. So not everything may be understood outside of Poland.
If you have a chance to view the series, first watch some episodes, and only then go for the movie version. You will have more time to get familiar with characters, and whole experience will be much better.
The series is about 4 young kids from elementary school, however this series is for adults, as the kids are the total opposite of the political correctness. Kind of younger Beavis & Butthead, however they aren't all so dumb.
One is a funny idiot, but usually very kind - He is a green zombie with a hole in his skull, and brain coming out. He lives in a cemetery, he loves flies & singing, mostly religious songs.
Second one comes form farmers family - he is poor & dumb, but would like to be a politician.
The third one is a son of a nouveau-rich, has his own credit card, taste for money and always finances theirs endeavors.
The forth kid is a nerd whose father is a professor. He is a kind of inventor like Dexter, often its inventions are far more complex than the common sense would suggested.
They have their base in a tree house with plenty of computer screens like in NORAD, and often check the internet (like Courage, The Cowardly Dog) They are often in conflict with a pink dressed blond girl from their class - Angelica whose father is from USA. She speaks a mix of Polish & English.
Saying that I highly recommend this cartoon for everybody who loved Beavis & Butthead, South Park or Cow & Chicken. For me Lorts of the Flys is funnier than all those cartoons.
This is a movie version made after a huge success of the cartoon series (at this moment some 95 episodes, each about 20 minutes, have been produced)
I never watched English version of this series so it is hard to say how funny is the translated version. Sometime it may be very hard to translate some jokes, or other funny sentences playing on multiple meaning of words. Also some local specifics can play a role.
It is quite easy to understand the jokes and sense of humor in US cartoons like Beavis & Butthead or Cow & Chicken because most people around the world are more or less aware of US culture (Thanks to predominant role of Hollywood). However US awareness of Polish culture is probably at the same level as this of the Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan. So not everything may be understood outside of Poland.
If you have a chance to view the series, first watch some episodes, and only then go for the movie version. You will have more time to get familiar with characters, and whole experience will be much better.
The series is about 4 young kids from elementary school, however this series is for adults, as the kids are the total opposite of the political correctness. Kind of younger Beavis & Butthead, however they aren't all so dumb.
One is a funny idiot, but usually very kind - He is a green zombie with a hole in his skull, and brain coming out. He lives in a cemetery, he loves flies & singing, mostly religious songs.
Second one comes form farmers family - he is poor & dumb, but would like to be a politician.
The third one is a son of a nouveau-rich, has his own credit card, taste for money and always finances theirs endeavors.
The forth kid is a nerd whose father is a professor. He is a kind of inventor like Dexter, often its inventions are far more complex than the common sense would suggested.
They have their base in a tree house with plenty of computer screens like in NORAD, and often check the internet (like Courage, The Cowardly Dog) They are often in conflict with a pink dressed blond girl from their class - Angelica whose father is from USA. She speaks a mix of Polish & English.
Serenity
(2005)
Boring and dumb if you aren't "Firefly" TV series fan
11 November 2009
I love SCIENCE-fiction, but this movie has nothing to do with SCIENCE. This is a kind of space western action movie set in the distant future, nothing to do with realism and science. Everything here is unbelievably dumb.
I haven't watch the original Firefly TV series, so maybe this is the problem - by watching characters only in the movie, you simply don't care about them - they seem to be just a bunch of gang members (or maybe cowboys?)- dumb and violent. You wonder how such duds would be able to pilot a spacecraft? But maybe this is possible in a universe where laws of physics seem to be very different from our world - ex. a spacecraft crash isn't more violent than a bicycle crash - just a fews bruises...
If you liked "Armageddon" and "Space Cowboys", you will probably like it.
If you are a fan of "Space Odyssey 2001" and "Solaris", you should avoid it.
Extremely overrated due to "TV series fan effect"
I haven't watch the original Firefly TV series, so maybe this is the problem - by watching characters only in the movie, you simply don't care about them - they seem to be just a bunch of gang members (or maybe cowboys?)- dumb and violent. You wonder how such duds would be able to pilot a spacecraft? But maybe this is possible in a universe where laws of physics seem to be very different from our world - ex. a spacecraft crash isn't more violent than a bicycle crash - just a fews bruises...
If you liked "Armageddon" and "Space Cowboys", you will probably like it.
If you are a fan of "Space Odyssey 2001" and "Solaris", you should avoid it.
Extremely overrated due to "TV series fan effect"
Watchmen
(2009)
Good entertainment just for old kids who loved the comic book.
27 September 2009
I am puzzled by Watchmen – totally unrealistic, silly costumed superhero concept may fit for 6-10 years old kids, while graphical, even "pornographic" violence depiction all over the movie qualifies it for adults accustomed with such hard core depictions of gore stained guts hanging from ceiling
It seems this movie can please to 40 years old boys, who grew in 70-80's just "reading" comic books and nothing more serious, and their mental development stopped at the level of 9 year old kid
Movie has some good scenes – like recreated Kennedy killing scene, but most of scenes look very artificial – closer to computer game graphics than real filmed scene. This is especially visible in the scenes from Vietnam War.
Well, a good entertainment for old kids.
Movie has some good scenes – like recreated Kennedy killing scene, but most of scenes look very artificial – closer to computer game graphics than real filmed scene. This is especially visible in the scenes from Vietnam War.
Well, a good entertainment for old kids.
Event Horizon
(1997)
Even worse than Alien vs Predator Requiem....
25 May 2009
While watching such masterpiece" I wonder how it is possible to spent several millions $ on producing such stupidity? Who gives such huge money to some losers pretending they are script writers or directors?
This movie is a total waste of money invested and time spent watching this crap.
The logic of this movie is on the level of Beavis & Butthead thinking. This is not SCIENCE-Fiction this is moronic-fiction !
The level of education of the crew of the rescue space ship is similar to one of the script-writer - with such "deep" knowledge they should "drive" wheelbarrows on some construction works but not a space-ship to Neptune !
This movie is a total waste of money invested and time spent watching this crap.
The logic of this movie is on the level of Beavis & Butthead thinking. This is not SCIENCE-Fiction this is moronic-fiction !
The level of education of the crew of the rescue space ship is similar to one of the script-writer - with such "deep" knowledge they should "drive" wheelbarrows on some construction works but not a space-ship to Neptune !
On the Silver Globe
(1988)
Impossible to watch !
12 June 2007
This film is as far from Hollywood style as Poland is.
There are some impressive ideas in the movie (like some surreal scenery) but unfortunately everything else is a total scrap.
Film was shot on East-German ORWO film of deplorable quality giving it a look worse than amateur 16mm shots.
Sentences are completely absurd - you are lucky if you do not understand polish ! Acting reminds mad mumbling of psychiatric clinic patients....
I was a small kid when I fist learned about this production - it was in 1978, they were taking some shoots in Cracow where I lived. I was a fan of SF, watching then Space 1999, Star Wars and Japanese films about Godzilla. So obviously I was very excited about this SF production taking place in my city. Then there were no knows about the movie. Ten years later it was show on Polish TV - I was angry, because it disappointed me totally.
It is "unwatchable" !
There are some impressive ideas in the movie (like some surreal scenery) but unfortunately everything else is a total scrap.
Film was shot on East-German ORWO film of deplorable quality giving it a look worse than amateur 16mm shots.
Sentences are completely absurd - you are lucky if you do not understand polish ! Acting reminds mad mumbling of psychiatric clinic patients....
I was a small kid when I fist learned about this production - it was in 1978, they were taking some shoots in Cracow where I lived. I was a fan of SF, watching then Space 1999, Star Wars and Japanese films about Godzilla. So obviously I was very excited about this SF production taking place in my city. Then there were no knows about the movie. Ten years later it was show on Polish TV - I was angry, because it disappointed me totally.
It is "unwatchable" !
Solaris
(2002)
Second best SF movie ever made
18 March 2004
The first one was `2001 A Space Odyssey', then I have to wait over 30 years for next serious science-fiction masterpiece. In `Solaris' special effects are only the background for interesting story, what a pity that in the rest of SF commercial production situation is just the opposite... It was a real pleasure to compare Steven Sodenbergh vision of the novel written by Stanislas Lem, with my own visualization I had after reading of the book. Usually such comparison of book and film is unfavorable for the movie - not in this case - I can't say that film version is better than book, it's slightly different, but also excellent. Hope to see more such fabulous adaptations of great science-fiction literature. I am sick of stupid, infantile stories, which are only the pretext for stunning special effects. I trust that undergoing adaptation of Arthur C. Clarke `Rendezvous with Rama' will be rather maintained in Solaris mood, than `Star Wars' like fib.
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