Klectron Reviews

Hollow Man (2000)

It's Verhoeven. That's all you need to know.

[4 April 2001]

I enjoyed Totall Recall, Starship Troopers and of course the classic Robocop. I really did. But this one...

Hollow Man could have been waaaay better. All the 'usual' clichés are here: The corny one-liners, the use of medical terms because they sound professional, the computer screens with impossible depictions of 'security programs' (one scene had me laughing out loud, just remember the words 'stable' and 'unstable', then you should know what I'm referring to). All this I was willing to accept had the story or characters been any good. But they aren't, they're just a substandard rehash of other, better movies. No attempt is made to let us care about the people that, in the latter part of the movie, are dropping like flies(deaths that can be seen coming miles ahead), they're just 'innocent scientists' and Sebastian Caine, the one who becomes invisible, is the bad guy.

But that's still not the biggest problem...the biggest problem lies in the fact that this movie thinks it's being serious. Verhoeven's other sci-fi works certainly didn't!! Hollow Man tries to be somewhat true, serious entertainment, but all the clichés only make it look like a really bad film, which, in the end, it is.

This movie has a lot of special effects. That's of course the reason why anyone would see it in the first place. The scenes with the gorilla and Caine reappearing and disappearing are the best, without a doubt. One small thing: While watching the video I noticed a bit of unfilled greenscreen at the bottom, during the scene where the gorilla is brought back. It's only proof of how fast this movie was supposed to be made, and that it was made only to cash in some quick bucks at the box office.

In the end, crap. Try not to waste money on it unless you have to.

Power Rangers Lost Galaxy (1999–2000)

Yes, a lot of people watch this. No, that does not make it a good show.

[10 December 2000]

Let's face it: these shows are an insult to your brain. I can literally see the little grey cells ooze out of people's ears when they watch this drivel. It's sub-standard to say the least!

Alright, what we have here are young, good looking actors who accepted this job for the money, for the audience they'd get, but certainly NOT for the complexity of their characters. A smile, a line of dialogue and a face do not make for a compelling character. Surely these actors must have had the same feeling, as none of them even make an attempt at conveying emotions. Maybe the creators of this stinker had a strict anti-emotion policy, who knows. In any case, the actors are filler.

What we have here as well are greedy producers, bent on lowering the IQ of the entire world-population by at least 25% after season 23. With the amount of people watching this crap, I'm convinced there will be a 23rd season someday. What's even more insulting is that they try to trick us into thinking that their shows carry a positive message and that they are in fact about deep moral values. They try to accomplish this by injecting Power Rangers with an almost intolerably high buddy-factor, by showing us typical youngsters with typical habits and typical social thoughts, comments and beliefs, and by letting at least one of the main characters be played by an Afro-American actor. It's sad but true.

The casting process must have been something like this: if you look good enough, if you can utter extremely lame dialogue, if you can produce evil grins non-stop and if you can laugh at senseless one-liners without throwing up in absolute disgust, you're the right man for the job!

As for the Power Rangers themselves, one can only blame the script-writers. These guys have some serious issues on their hands, like saving the world, fighting horrible demons, and so forth, and yet they are still capable of making stupid decisions and stating the plain obvious. An example of the latter:

The Power Rangers, fighting in the park, watch in horror as an evil monster zaps himself away, which happens in all episodes. They run towards each other, make some frantic movements, and then the following conversation ensues: Red: "He Escaped" Blue: "Yeah!" Yellow: "That was a tough guy!" Green: "Let's get out of here before he comes back!" Pink: "Good idea!" Red: "Let's go!" They run away.

This conversation is pointless. Instead of giving the viewer some relevant information, we are told that he 'escaped'. Duh! He 'was a tough guy'. We just saw the fight, so we know that too. They have to 'get out of here'. It seems quite obvious that one would not stand in a park for hours and hours after a long, dangerous fight with the risk of the enemy returning.

Maybe I'm being a little unfair here, but how can one give a serious comment on a show that takes it's audience for mindless zombies? The humorously intended scenes fall flat because they are all borrowed, if not downright copied, from shows like Saved By The Bell. The fight scenes have been done before, and better too. The characters are painfully stereotypical. It's unoriginal, dull trash. All of it.

S-Club 7 and Power Rangers do battle for the crown of idiocy. Lucky for us, the Power Rangers don't sing...yet.

Half-Life (1998 Video Game)

This is, quite simply, awesome, and you already know it.

[28 September 2000]

Warning: spoilers..well, sort of...

every gamer knows half-life, and every serious gamer has played it. This is the shooter that made the difference, the one that made Quake II and Unreal look like bad imitations of Doom. Which is not entirely fair. You see, Half-life is, at it's core, just a simple shoot-em-up with a recycled plot. Big secret lab goes boom, aliens pop out, kill them all and save humanity. It's not the story that made hundreds of people buy this baby. No, it's the atmosphere. Everything in Half-life feels much more real then anything in Unreal ever will. You play Unreal to kill nasty aliens. You play Half-life to get the creeps. In all honesty, I was almost too scared to move after everything broke down in the facility. The haunting music and the great visuals (the room totally ruined, the scientists dead) that accompanied that moment gave me a feeling that I never felt with other shooters.

Let me put it this way; if you were truly scared by The Blair Witch Project then this will frighten you as well. And if you hated the movie, there's still a good chance you'll like this game :) One especially neat feature is the inclusion of dozens of scripted sequences. You hear scientists being torn apart by something terrible, and the only thing you see is a lump of meat being thrown out of a shaft. You'll encounter guards fighting monsters, guards nearly dead, giving you a last word of advice, scientists behind a window just out of your reach. You can hear them scream, and there's nothing you can do about it. Also, you can talk to everyone in and out of the facility (no, not the bad guys) and they always have something to tell you.

Aside from the atmosphere, Half-life is also a very good shooter. Good AI, lots of different enemies, kick-ass weapons and some wonderful sets. All in all, this is as close as you'll get to a good interactive movie. It's a damn good game. If you see it, buy it, and you WILL fall in love with it! 10/10

Wrongfully Accused (1998)

This is more of the same, but there's something missing...

[4 May 2000]

the fact that a lot of us are actually talking about "Leslie Nielsen-movies" instead of "spoof", is, in my opinion, a very bad thing. Because Nielsen's presence doesn't automatically stand for good spoof. In fact, there are quite a few movies starring him that were plain bad(Mr. Magoo, Dracula).

When I first saw 'Spy Hard' (I know that this is a "Wrongfully Accused" review, don't worry), I thought it was a fine comedy. During my second viewing though, I noticed the movie's one great flaw: the jokes weren't funny anymore. And even worse, I didn't find any new jokes that I hadn't heard before. It was all the same. And not funny. Not any more.

Another bad thing about the 'new generation spoof' that I should note is the abundance of visual jokes in sacrifice of good dialogue. This isn't a bad thing when it comes to the visual jokes of course, but one of the great strengths of for instance 'The Naked Gun', was it's superb dialogue, and the way the lines were delivered by the cast.

So, what does this all say about "Wrongfully Accused"? Well, it's in fact better than I thought it would be, but in no way up to the Airplane/Naked Gun-standard. I doubt if a second viewing would reveal anything new to me. It really is more of a Leslie Nielsen movie than a true-hearted, superbly executed spoof movie, but it's worth a try.

Problem Child 2 (1991)

Run! Run! For heaven's sake, run away from this

[11 December 1999]

I'm not even gonna TRY to explain why this movie is so bad. If you have the guts and are willing to sacrifice a month to watch this movie. Take my word for it, you will be so horrified that you'll turn it off after five minutes, screaming in terror, and try to watch it again the other day.

Recommended only for people who can turn their brain off...LITERALLY!!!!

The Blair Witch Project (1999)

Original, scary, perfect!

[19 November 1999]

This is no film for people who like bloody movies with lots of gore. I don't know if I dare to say this is a movie for people who liked 'The Shining'.

One thing's for sure: Hollywood finally produced characters in a horror movie. Real characters. They were gone for a long time, but here they are, and the actors do a perfect job. The whole movie is shot from a hand-held camera view in either color or black & white, and yep, that's shaky. But it makes this movie so much more believable!

The story: 3 student film makers go out into the woods to find ancient burial grounds. But there is a legend in town. A terrifying legend. The further they go, the more they get lost. The three start to get nervous and scared, because strange things happen at night and at day. Then, one of them disappears.

You don't see any gore, thank god. The movie gets inside your head, makes you think about what's happening out there, what could possibly caused all those strange things. And this, combined with perfect acting, a great setting, the beautiful camerawork and a great story, makes for a true horror movie. I was scared, not by sudden YOUCH-thrills or gore, but by pure terror. And that is what real horror is all about.

You owe it to yourself to see this movie if you like absolute horror.

Conspiracy Theory (1997)

What an underrated movie!

[20 October 1999]

Mel Gibson gives a great performance here, as well as Julia Roberts! The story is really good, and the movie has some great plot twists. The only thing I disliked was the fact that Patrick Stewart didn't have a bigger role...

The movie also has quite some funny moments and lots of action. This definately is one of Richard Donner's best films to date, due especially to the outstanding performance of Mel Gibson! If you haven't seen it yet and if you're looking for an intelligent, well-acted movie, this is the one!

Godzilla (I) (1998)

This, like most Hollywood movies, COULD have been good...

[4 October 1999]

They blew it over there at Hollywood! The fx ARE the film, that's it. The story is quite unbelievable, the characters say stupid lines and act like #^$*@_@*(#&$ ~!!#...

But if you really want to know what's wrong with this movie: It is standard. Actually, it's probably below that!!! Standard music, standard lines, standard settings, (when something goes wrong or a disaster is about to occur, it's always dark and it always rains....) and a standard storyline.

Most of the movies that 'suck' are even below standard, making the movie absolutely ridiculous. Someone said it right when he/she said: 'the number one Hollywood rule: thou shall not ask too much from the viewers intelligence'...

Godzilla is fun and entertaining for people that like all the standards with some cool fx. (Personally I found them a bit disappointing). He who wants something new should NOT watch this movie...

I want to make clear that it's not a jurassic park ripp-off. The T-Rex is not Godzilla at all. Could this have been a good movie? Sure!! Better lines for the actors (they weren't bad THEMSELVES), a story that rocks, believable events, a perfect music score and better settings would have made this movie a blockbuster with high ratings. But Hollywood thinks we're dumb...

The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997)

Something has survived from Jurassic Park, but it ain't the plot!

[29 September 1999]

What is wrong with this movie? Well, not much actually. The special effects are, ofcourse, great. The acting is good in general, and even though I can't stand kids in movies (especially when they can't act and say stupid lines), the Goldblum kiddo wasn't REALLY bad.

No, the only thing that is wrong with this movie is the story. Site B? What the hell? Suddenly there's ANOTHER island? No, I don't buy that. Ofcourse, dinosaurs have also trashed things up on the second island, due to the storm in part 1, but why didn't we get to hear about the 2nd island in the first movie?

Why did they put in a second island anyway? the dino-team could also just go back to number one, right? (With the same storyline).

The kid wasn't THAT bad. But there was no need for her to be part of this movie! And her lines aren't the best....Then there's good versus evil. Oh NO!!! WHY!!??!! Why is there another team involved? Now the movie becomes a standard 'who's gonna be there first?' flick! I wish Spielberg would have paid more, MUCH more attention to a dazzling story instead of superb effects...

Lost World: 7/10 (3 points missed due to the story....Spielberg, you can do better!!!) Jurassic Park 3 is coming. I can only hope it's gonna have a better story...

Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999)

Ehhh....ehh...

[25 September 1999]

This is not going to be a review! This is going to be a preview based on the comments I've read at IMDB. Since I haven't seen the movie yet, I can't give a review...

Here's my current 'preview'

1 Jar Jar Binks sucks bigtime. I'll prepare for the worst! 2 The fx were great, but not superb. 3 The acting wasn't really good. 4 The story...ehh..what story? It lacked story, the characters were ok. 5 The lines are stupid. (Most of them)

So...looking at this preview, I'd give Episode 1 a 6. This'll probably change when I get a chance to see the movie...

Titanic (1997)

Titanic is real

[16 August 1999]

The only reason this movie did extremely well at the box office was because of all those girls watching it about 12 times. Why? Because of Leo. Personally I've got nothing against him, and his acting is fine, really. Nothing spectacular, but adequate. Kate Winslet was better though. Acting in general was good.

The special effects are superb. It is one of those rare movies in which you don't think: 'Hey, that computer animation is good!' because you don't get the feeling that it is actually a computer animation. The titanic is real.

Since the story was a bit too simple (ship hits iceberg, ship sinks) there had to be some kind of lovestory. Titanic and romance, the perfect combination! Of course, it is still deceptively simple. Girl is about to marry guy she doesn't like, falls in love with good looking boy, boy falls in love with girl, other guy goes mad, ship hits iceberg, ship sinks, end of story. But somehow Cameron succeeds in making it look like an extremely complicated story.

In the end this movie provides a great atmosphere, good acting, superb effects and a simple but effective storyline. If you haven't seen it yet you really should go out and rent it!

Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)

The ultimate adventure movie

[10/10 · 16 August 1999]

That's what this is. Harrison Ford is perfect, NOBODY could have replaced him. The music is unbelievably good. The camerawork, the acting, the action, the effects, beating up nazi's...

Indiana Jones is truly the greatest adventure movie ever made, and, by the way, the computer game Fate of Atlantis starring Indiana Jones is also the best adventure game ever made.

I am REALLY looking forward to the next Indy movie, which is rumoured to be based on the Fate of Atlantis!

Batman: The Movie (1966)

I almost dropped dead laughing!

[16 August 1999]

This movie is one big joke! The whole thing is just so hilarious!!!

I almost dropped dead laughing during the shark scene (The shark is a rubber one with paper eyes, you can actually see water coming out of him!!) and the scene where Robin (he is a gay in this movie) inserts numbers in the navigational computer: He just punches the computer with his fists!!! Anyone who has seen this movie knows what I'm talking about...

What a joke, WHAT A BIG JOKE!!!

Police Academy: Mission to Moscow (1994)

Does the word 'crap' mean anything to you?

[14 August 1999]

...Cause that's what this is! A big load of pure, stinking, smelly crap! No wait! It's worse! As a matter of fact, this movie is so bad that...ehh...well...I don't think the words I want to use to describe this movie are accepted by IMDB...

I do recommend you rent it. Just to see for yourself what a dumb movie this is. And bring as many friends as possible, so they won't have to spend money themselves to rent it!

Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)

this movie has a superb ending

[14 August 1999]

It's just plain fantastic. One of the best Monty Python movies ever made. And, unlike some people say, this movie has a superb ending. It is just so unexpected that it will leave you wondering if that was indeed the end of the movie. It is the best ending of a comedy I have ever seen in my entire (though somewhat short) life! Watch this movie!!!