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Reviews
The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002)
EPIC!
As difficult a feat as that might seem, Jackson delivers an even better film than The Fellowship of the Ring.
The Two Towers is the grandest spectacle that has ever graced the screen. As near-perfect as a film can possibly get, no longer comparable to other genre pictures, but to the great classics of the art.
The sheer scope of The Two Towers makes its predecessor look like an idle stroll in the park. It starts with a bang and doesn't quit for the whole three hours of its duration. And like in the first part, Jackson doesn't fall victim to all the eye candy (and there's more than plenty), he injects the endeavour with a sense of humanity and gravitas that transcends fantasy film-making.
Perhaps the greatest surprise is Gollum, a CGI creation that is guaranteed to make your jaw drop. Acted by Andy Serkis and replaced in the final version by a marvelous computer creation by Wetta Digital (surpassing all previous digital characters by miles), he delivers the best performance in the movie. Dynamic, incredibly expressive and ultimately conveying a sense of real pity for the character. And that's no small achievement in a film filled with actors of this calibre.
It all concludes with what is probably the best medieval battle scene ever shown and will leave you with a hunger for more.
The Two Towers is what film's all about. A true masterpiece. And we still have one more film before the trilogy is completed.
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002)
What the...?
For the love of God, people hated poor Jar-Jar and are actually coming out saying that they liked Dobby? Not only he looked like an Auschwitz survivor (albeit a short one), but he was the most irritating, self-abusive, ultra-annoying piece of CGI I've ever seen.
As for the movie, it was pretty much a dud. Take all the bad things form the (mediocre) first one, magnify them and you have this cold, calculated money trap. Why do we have to spend more than half an hour to see everything that we've already seen in the first movie? Such as Harry's eeeeevil uncle and aunt, the bloody train station and that wizards' hidden alley? Or another, meaningless, go at the boring and illogical quidditch game? Which serves nothing to the plot, may I add. This is the film's greatest problem. It consists of dozens of little vignettes that add absolutely nothing to the story. They're only in, because: a) they're in the book and b)give an opportunity for another effects shot. Thus, the pacing is terrible. Somewhere in here there's a good film, but to get out it would need a brave team of screenwriter, director and editor that would deliver a tight 90 minute film. As it is, it's terribly boring and at the same time rushed, something which I thought was physically impossible. Oh, did I mention that the characters are cardboard cut-outs? Or that the music is recycled from the first film and padded with differently orchestrated pieces from Attack of the Clones? And what's the big deal with Harry? He spent the complete first movie and 2/3 of this one doing absolutely nothing, it's always Hermione saving the day and doing all the spells and tricks. Some weird self-pitying sexism from mrs. Rowling perhaps? And is there some conspiracy by the teachers to kill Potter? In the first film they send him to the deadly forbidden forest for detention (!), in this one, they send him back and into the lair of a giant spider. Do they warn him? Nooo sir!
On a final note, there's no question about it, Voldemort is Harry's father, no matter what Potter-heads might say to you. He might not be mr. Potter, but his father he is. Can you say Star Wars rip-off?
I haven't read the books, but, judging from the films I can't get what's so special about them. Especially for adults. Next one, I'm watching it on video.
Dinotopia (2002)
Creepy
A series about a world ruled by a New Age cult,full of brainwashed individuals that do as they are told and go around repeating the most trite haikus/fortune-cooky messages ad nauseum and which have the bad tendency to keep outsiders as their prisoners.
What's offensive is that this is not a satire of totalitarian, pseudo-enlightened societies. This is a society that the writers want us to admire!
Sorry, but I prefer free will and human rights over robe wearing stupid freaks that read too many bad angel books and would rather condemn their entire population to death than do something non-tantric/Cabbalic.
Road to Perdition (2002)
You are quite obviously insane
This is the closest to a faultless film as any I've seen in the last decade or so. Some accuse it of being predictable. Ever thought that it's supposed to be predictable? we are told the ending from the moment the movie starts, so don't give yourself kudos for figuring it out. This is a tragedy, not a rollercoaster ride or a twists-a-plenty thriller. It's not what happens but why and how that's important here Shakespeare is also predictable. Would you come out and say his Works are unworthy too? If yes, perhaps you walked in the wrong movie. Go watch John Woo instead.
This is a gorgeous film, beautifully shot, beautifully written and acted, a poignant tale. Don't miss it.
The Mummy Returns (2001)
Aren't you supposed to watch this for fun?
Okay, I'm getting bored of all the people attacking this movie because its characters are not well-developed or the plot is paper-thin or whatever. This is a movie that features huge, vicious, undead dogmen! Wrestlers! Pygmy mummies that blow up themselves! Half-naked chicks fighting each other with big pointy forks! It's called "The Mummy Returns", for Pete's sake, and revolves around, well, the mummy returning. What did you expect? What did you want? I rest my case.
Roda, tsanta kai kopana (1982)
Defies all laws of nature
"There are more things on heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy" said Hamlet. Well, Horatio, get a load of this. It defies all logic that something like this was ever made, that someone raised his middle finger in the face of God and nature in such a manner and got away with it. Just think of a low-brow "Porky's II" (yes, it is possible- this is the proof) crossed with your worse non-supernatural nightmare. You will watch in awe 30-year-olds playing teenagers. You will marvel the fat and bearded and grossly untalented Steve "Billias" Douzos on a moped. You will not believe that a place such as "Disco Barbarella" ever existed. Ed Wood was an auteur compared to Omiros Efstratiadis. This is so out-there, inconceivably, mind-numbingly bad that you will not be able to take your eyes off the screen. Unfortunately, it is in Greek, meaning that you'll never have the chance to have this out-of-body experience. Then again, perhaps this is some divine plan to protect the rest of the world. Who knows?
Willow (1988)
eehhh....
INT. LUCASFILM OFFICES - DAY
TITLE: 1986
GEORGE LUCAS is behind his huge mahogany desk, playing with a Darth Vader action figure.
A SCREENWRITER storms in.
SCREENWRITER Hey, George! I have a great idea for a movie!
LUCAS (Cooly) Shoot
SCREENWRITER Why don't we remake Star Wars? Only it will be set in a fantasy land, we'll have Val Kilmer as Han Solo and a midget will play Luke!
LUCAS Are you sure that's a good idea?
SCREENWRITER Sure beats Howard the Duck.
CUT TO:
EXT. MOVIE THEATRE - NIGHT
TITLE: TWO YEARS LATER
MOVIEGOER #1 That was just like Star Wars. Only worse.
MOVIEGOER #2 Val Kilmer as Han Solo? A midget playing Luke? What was all that about?
10 Y.O. KID I loved it!
Voitheia o Vengos, faneros praktor '000' (1967)
Vengos: A true film pioneer
Around the same time Mel Brooks started his career as a writer and director of "anarchic" comedies, Thanasis Vengos did pretty much the same thing in Greece with this spy movie parody. This film has the same feel with Brooks' best efforts, as well as the Abrahams-Zuker-Arahams comedies,which arrived a full decade later. Despite some misfires, there is a barrage of ingenious jokes, as well as a general surreal atmosphere that make this a winner. The film can also be read as an underground satire of the police state that was Greece in the 60's and which led to the 7-year junta in 1967. A year later Vengos reconfirmed his innovative spirit by releasing a sequel- a long time before they became fashionable.