whoreoffrankenstein Reviews

Scream (1996)

I will NOT Scream and I don't care who did WHAT last summer

[24 March 2000]

I won't argue that this is the movie that brought the horror genre back. But with this as a "teaser", it isn't hard to see why there is so many horrible horror movies out lately.

This is what was good about Scream: 1) The old horror movie references 2) Fonzie.

That's about it.

This is far from a great horror movie. In fact it is quite bad. I have little respect for "sell out" horror such as this that tries to somehow redeem value by putting big stars in it. For example, Drew Barrymore was in the movie for 3 seconds and she was on the cover. The movie suffered highly from the 90210 syndrome. Neve Campbell was a Golden Girl compared to the age of the character she played. And Predictable? Oh yeah. Especially for a old horror movie buff like me. Not to spoil the ending (there's not much to spoil, trust me), but I narrowed it down to the two freakiest guys in the movie and VOILA, it turned out to be them. Big surprise. The parody in this movie was horribly done. Instead of poking fun at other horror flicks, it only poked fun at itself. If you want to watch a good horror parody, watch Comedy of Terrors. You may even stay awake, which is more than you will do in this excrement.

Heavy Metal (1981)

Cartoon breasts! gore! DECADENT!

[24 March 2000]

I'm one of the few females that worships this movie. Possibly because if this movie was made today, it would get a smack acros the face with an NC-17 rating. However, in a liberal, better time, it got the less prudeish R-rating.

The humor in this movie is superb because it is very subtle. The animation (especially for the time period) is exquisite if not, enchanting. You can't be doing something else while watching this movie however, because you could get very easily lost that way. It is a series of short stories and often times it is not defined where one ends and a new one begins. But if you watch it intently, it comes together very nicely, and somewhat unexpectedly at the end and makes the whole movie worthwhile.

I am NOT looking forward to Heavy Metal 2000 for I heard it was quite a bit of hogwash (to put it nicely). And how could we expect any different after all these years? After all, Heavy Metal was really the first mainstream adult cartoon. Now, adult cartoons are like an old hat. I fear the new one might be doomed to the "nothing special" pile and from what has been rumored...I don't have much evidence that will prove me wrong.

Ghostbusters (1984)

Back off man...

[12 March 2000]

Need I say the rest? This movie is my No. 1 movie. I grew up with these guys and I still have all the memorabilia from it (and still constantly adding to my collection). I love it for the amazing dialogue (a load of vocabulary in this movie). The plot is suprisingly realistic. It's told in such a way that you believe this could actually happen. The cast...well, need I say more? Everyone was purely perfect in their roles. I also love the timeless look of the movie. Watching it now you will have no problem believing that these events could be occuring at this second because the clothing, dialogue, etc. are not dated, as is the fate of many "classics". The special effects seem outdated now, but it doesn't take away from the movie at all. Because even in a movie where special efects are abound....the special effects do not propel the story. Because of the amazingly structured script, they could have used sock puppets instead of animated ghosts and get the same effect. Even the sequel...though not quite as compact, is a delightful addition to the Ghostbusters family. There is news about Ghostbusters 3. While I will greet it with open arms, I can't help to think it shouldn't be made. Because there hasn't been one for so long...even if its utter poppycock, I'll love it just for the effort. However, after so long it could never hope to light a candle what came before. I bought the DVD to Ghostbusters and it literally took me 2 days of viewing to weed through all the material. UNBELIEVEABLE. I loved every tidbit on it and even learned a few things that *gasp* I didn't know before. (I recommend the DVD to any Ghost-head or any person who wants to remember the glory days of 80's blockbusters! It is decadence to the highest power!

Mr. Saturday Night (1992)

opened Saturday night, closed Sunday night.

[27 January 2000]

What a steaming pile of burnt stuffed sausage this movie is. It was slower moving than a starfish. I almost expected to see Ed Wood's name in the credits. The worst thing was that Buddy Young's makeup looked like Billy Crystal stuck his face in a vat of hummus. It was so hideous looking I came close to choking on my gummi bears while watching it. I would have had more fun watching a school of fish.

Freaks (1932)

LIVING TORSO!

[27 January 2000]

Exquistly enchanting and delectably debaucherous! This movie is captivatingly creative! A hysterical script and diabolical dialogue gives this movie two dismembered limbs straight up! The Living Torso alone should have his own fan club! I've heard of a remake to this and they might as well pack it up, because it will never top this! Only a freak riding in a Harley Davidson's sidecar could be better! Decadent!

Blacula (1972)

afros and rubber bats!

[24 January 2000]

This movie is decadently cheesy and a must for vampire buffs! Rubber bats, afros, and an arbitrary soundtrack to boot! William Marshall is well worthy in the role of the lead vampire and its a shame we didn't see him in a more "serious" vampire movie....or at least a vampire movie that had a budget of more than $15.

The Comedy of Terrors (1963)

Vincent and Boris at their mot hysterical !

[24 January 2000]

I saw this movie when I was 13 years old and for years afterward have been trying to find a copy of it! I finally did find a widescreen copy a few weeks ago at a Monster Convention, and found it was just as hysterical now as it was then! Vincent Price is hysterically evil as a coroner and Boris Karloff is amazing as the senile father! Look for him speaking at the funeral!!!! When this movie ends it leaves your palate craving for more!