Various_Things Reviews

The Seven-Per-Cent Solution (1976)

Not one of the greatest screen versions of Sherlock Holmes

[6/10 · 10 May 2021]

Nicholas Meyer (of Star Trek movie fame) adapted the screenplay of his own 1974 Sherlock Holmes novel. It initially seems like it's going to be a pretty serious depiction of Watson's attempts to cure Holmes of his drug addiction, and how Sherlock's paranoia has led him to believe that an innocent Moriarty is a criminal mastermind. So, Watson contrives to get Sherlock to Austria, where his addiction can be cured by Sigmund Freud and his Swinging Cartoon Watch Of Instant Hypnosis.

After Holmes' recovery (via the medium of some spoOoOOoky hallucination clichés), second-billed Vanessa Redgrave gets involved, and at last, Holmes is ready to get stuck into the real mystery element of the plot! Unfortunately, this aspect of the story is too insubstantial to be really satisfying. And before we know it, we're in an action-packed train chase/swordfight climax that wouldn't be out of place in the Guy Richie/Robert Downey Jr movies.

I liked Nicol Williamson's Holmes, Robert Duvall's accent as Watson didn't bother me (I seem to be alone in holding that opinion), and there are a couple of good deduction scenes. But it's too unbalanced to really consider it one of the great screen versions of Sherlock Holmes.

Wanted (2008)

Nowhere near as much fun as I found it over a decade ago

[4/10 · 10 May 2021]

So very post-Matrix, so very orange and blue.

I last saw this 2009 (it was my first ever LoveFilm DVD rental!), and I remember that I enjoyed its daft premise (the LOOM!) and ridiculous action (the RATS!). This rewatch was prompted because the podcast Cinematic Universe did an episode on the film adaptations of Mark Millar. But this time - like the hosts of that podcast - I found myself much less impressed by its action, and much less forgiving of its tone and edgelord attitude.

Now, the movie comes across as a trial run for Kingsman: there are several broad plot similarities involving fathers and sons, and secret organisations.

James McAvoy's character fluctuates a lot: one moment he's genre-savvy and taking things in his stride; the next he's disbelieving and skeptical. One moment he's making quips and insulting people while they're holding guns to his head; the next he's back to meekly apologising like he was at the start of the film. It does not make him an appealing character.

It's quite fun seeing Morgan Freeman as a baddie. But Angeline Jolie's Fox isn't much of a character; when it comes to superpowered women introducing nerdy guys to wish-fulfilment worlds of murderous gun-focused action, she's no Trinity.

Dynamite Fighters (1987)

Fun martial arts movie - better in the small fights than the big battles

[7/10 · 10 May 2021]

Michelle Yeoh kicks lots and lots of butt in a cool aviator jacket in this fun martial arts movie. Presumably its English title comes from the vaguely Seven Samurai/Magnificent Seven-esque plot about defending a Mongolian town (although by my count there are fewer than seven main heroes here). Towards the end, it increases in scale to become a full-blown war movie, but I think it's at its best in the smaller-scale fights.

Richard Ng plays a con man who gets caught up in events. He provides the broad comic relief, sometimes successfully (his introductory scene involves him getting into a fight and being cartoonishly kicked around like a football).

The filmmakers recorded one catchy musical fanfare to use in the action sequences, and by gum, they're going to get their money's worth from it if it's the last thing they do!

Supergirl (1984)

Even the weakest episodes of the Supergirl TV series are better than this film

[3/10 · 10 May 2021]

First impressions are positive: Jerry Goldsmith's opening theme is a good superhero theme; nowhere near as catchy as John Williams' Superman score, but recognisably in a similar vein, which is what you want from a character who is connected to him, but acts separately. And the opening titles look very impressive, to the extent that I wondered if they had been remade using CGI at some point after the film's original release. (They're certainly more spectacular than the closing credits, which scroll down the screen instead of up, in perspective that makes them overlap.)

Unfortunately, soon afterwards, the film begins - and I was reminded why I don't think I ever made it through the whole thing in one go as a kid.

Although the thought process behind the choice to make the film's villain a witch doesn't come across as particularly well-thought-out ("we need to give Supergirl a female villain to fight, what sort of characters are evil, powerful women?"), the idea of giving Supergirl a fairy tale/fantasy film based around magic is not inherently a bad one. Putting Kara in a fantasy world could be a good way to distinguish her movie from Kal-El's sci-fi world; it's not a big stretch to imagine this version of Supergirl going up against Mister Mxyzptlk.

So the concept's not bad - the problem is in the execution.

From the very start, when Peter O'Toole's character Zaltar steals the Omega-dodeca-tesseract-a-hedron power source that's the only thing keeping Argo City's inhabitants alive, very little of the characters' behaviour makes sense. Stuff goes wrong for no apparent reason, leading Zaltar to regretfully resign himself to being banished to the Phantom Zone (which doesn't seem like such a bad fate, considering it'll save him from the disaster that's about to kill everyone else). Kara arrives on Earth and gets a secret identity, because, well, isn't that what all superheroes must have, regardless of whether they have absolutely any reason to do so?

There is precisely one (1) joke in the film that's genuinely funny in the way the filmmakers intended, which happens when Selena casts a spell:

Power of Shadow, take shape.

Look like a vicious dark star.

Seek out that wretched young creature and destroy her wherever she... are.

I liked that bit!

Other than that, I did get some enjoyment from the sheer campness of it all. I laughed at the bit where love-interest Ethan (played by Hart "Hans, Bubby" Bochner) staggers through the streets pursued by a magically animated digger, but probably not for the reasons the filmmakers intended: the comedy came from how long such an absurd idea for an action sequence continued on... and on... and on...

There's also a scene where Peter Cook delivers a computer science lesson (one of those movie/TV lessons where we the dialogue is written as if we're joining them near the start of the lesson, but then the bell rings within a couple of minutes), which I liked because it prefigures Alan Rickman's performance in the Harry Potter films.

Helen Slater's performance is not particularly remarkable, but whatever the film's flaws, her acting is not high among them.

Between the opening Argo City scenes of this film, and the recital of "I think that I shall never see a poem as lovely as a tree" in both versions of Superman II... these Kryptonians really have a thing for Earth's trees, don't they?

I will defend the film against one of its common criticisms! Reading other reviews, lots of people seem to think the special effects are really bad. There are indeed a few places where they're terrible: the distortion/elongation effect when Supergirl is attacked in the final battle is abysmal, and on the audio commentary, the SFX on the Phantom Zone maelstrom is one of the very few areas where director Jeannot Szwarc admits to being unhappy with something about the film. But I have to say, there were some places where the effects were decent enough! In addition to those nice opening titles, the attack by the invisible demon is done well: some good practical effects to mark its approach through the scenery (collapsing ground, etc), and nice optical effects as it gets electrocuted. Also, the flying effects are fine (though there's generally less interaction with the surroundings than Christopher Reeve had).

But overall, even the weakest episodes of the Supergirl TV series are better than this movie.

James and the Giant Peach (1996)

Better than I remembered, though not quite as good as Coraline or The Nightmare Before Christmas

[7/10 · 13 May 2012]

I first saw this soon after it first came out, when I was about 11 or 12. I was really disappointed in it then - I couldn't get over all the changes from the book.

Fifteen or so years later, I've rewatched it, having become familiar with Henry Selick's other work. And this time I really enjoyed it.

The animation is high quality, despite being less ambitious than Selick's two other major films (the animated parts of James and the Giant Peach make up a film only about half the length of Coraline, and there aren't any of the huge crowds of characters that filled The Nightmare Before Christmas).

The songs, however, are nowhere near as good as those of The Nightmare Before Christmas. The less said about James' solo song at the start of the film the better. The only really good song in the movie also happens to be the only one that takes its lyrics from a rhyme in Dahl's book.

Now that this film has surprised me by being better than I remembered, despite its big changes from the book, perhaps I should give Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory another chance to do the same...

Batman: Mystery of the Batwoman (2003 Video)

Unengaging compared to other Batman animations

[5/10 · 13 May 2012]

The Bruce Timm-produced "Batman: The Animated Series" and "Mask of the Phantasm" are great. This isn't.

I found it strangely unengaging, despite a decent idea at the heart of its central mystery, and despite some amusing moments from Alfred early on.

I'm only really familiar with the early "Batman: The Animated Series" programme; I haven't seen many episodes of "The New Batman Adventures". So even though I knew that the characters had been redesigned for the latter series, the Penguin's character design in this film came as quite a surprise, and not one I liked!

Also, the animation is quite variable in quality. A singer in the Penguin's nightclub appears to be smoothly animated at 24fps ("on ones" as animators say), whereas everything else in the movie is a lot jerkier.

It took me a moment to realise that the Robin in this film was Tim Drake. He doesn't get much to do, and when he does appear he's vaguely irritating.

The Avengers (2012)

Gloriously entertaining, and extremely well-balanced across its large cast of characters

[10/10 · 27 April 2012]

Avengers (all right, "Avengers Assemble" if you insist) is really quite extraordinarily good. It's pretty much everything that's fun about superhero comics translated directly onto the screen - I was hoping for as much from Joss Whedon and he delivered.

Like Serenity and the Buffy season 5 finale, it's extremely well-structured so that everyone gets more than one moment to shine in both dialogue and action scenes; I can't think of another action movie that has so many characters and is so well-balanced between them all, and all the different combinations of arguments and team-ups between them.

It's also extremely funny (but *mostly* not in that trademark Joss Whedon "Buffyspeak" way that some VERY WRONG people find "precious" and annoying). It has better Tony Stark dialogue than either Iron Man movie! Having said that, the funniest gags are visual ones that involve the Hulk...

I often complain that superhero films' weakest parts tend to be their climactic action sequences: the stakes are raised, and believability is strained. Well, for once we have a superhero film whose best action scene comes at the end. It's one of the best-sustained action finales since The Matrix - and much better-directed than the incomprehensible shots of The Dark Knight. It's constantly spectacular and contains countless satisfying moments in both action and dialogue - most of which also happen to be very funny.

But the best *single scene* in the whole film isn't an action scene! A standard phrase Joss Whedon has used in promotional interviews is "I wanted to figure out why all these different characters should even be in the same room as each other". Well, that scene where they *are* all in the same room as each other turned out to be the film's absolute highlight. Scenes like that are what I'll look forward to on subsequent viewings. There have been lots of action films that I've enjoyed at the cinema for their sheer spectacle but then have felt little desire to re-watch because that they didn't have much else going for them (Avatar comes to mind) - but this isn't one of them.

The film's plot isn't exactly intricate: it's extremely tightly focused around the MacGuffin from Thor and Captain America. However, this isn't a bad thing: in a film of this scale, ensuring the characterisation and action is satisfying is an ambitious balancing act as it is, without adding a complex twisty-turny plot to the mix as well.

The film doesn't carry any sort of larger real-world message; it's really just a movie about these specific characters - about guys in silly costumes beating the living daylights out of each other. But as far as movies about guys in silly costumes beating the living daylights out of each other go... well, it's hard to imagine how they could get much better.

X2 (2003)

A fantastic action movie

[9/10 · 5 December 2003]

This comment contains some spoilers.

The X-Men have always been a fantastic concept. The central themes of prejudice and intolerance have always been relevant to our own world, as well as making for interesting scenarios – perhaps best demonstrated in the situation of the planet's greatest heroes being loathed by the very people they save, simply because they were different. So when the first X-Men film was released in 2000 it had a lot to live up to. I'm glad to say that I really enjoyed the movie, although it definitely had its flaws. It was a little short, and because it was an introductory movie it had a lot of ground to cover so the plot itself was a little ropey, but it had great characterisation and was highly entertaining. But perhaps most importantly, it proved that comic book adaptations could survive the insult that was Batman and Robin and still make money. Hence, a sequel was assured. And thank goodness it was, because X-Men 2 is a fantastic film that breaks the unwritten rules of sequels always being inferior than the original by surpassing its predecessor in almost every respect.

The story, which is loosely based on the classic X-Men graphic novel God Loves, Man Kills, begins with an unprovoked attack on the White House by a mysterious mutant who has both amazing agility and the bizarre ability to teleport around, leaving little more than a puff of smoke in his wake (played by Alan Cumming). The president survives the ordeal, but unfortunately the panic caused by the incident will have dire consequences for mutants - and humans - everywhere. General William Stryker (Brian Cox), a war veteran and expert in mutation, reveals that he has uncovered evidence of a training facility for mutant terrorists, and is given the go-ahead to capture as many of these mutants as possible before they can cause any more trouble. But the invaders don't find things as easy as expected, because the location of this facility is Xavier's School For Gifted Youngsters - better known to us as the headquarters of the uncanny X-Men!

What we have here is a rare thing: an example of a truly brilliant action movie. Not only does it have some of the most phenomenal visual effects shots and action sequences ever committed to film, but like all the best action movies (Terminator 2, John Woo's The Killer and the first Matrix film, for example) it also has the brains to support the movie between the adrenaline-pumping moments. The main reason for this is the great characterisation. As the first X-Men comic was published 40 years ago, there's certainly no shortage of potential candidates to appear in the movie, and the filmmakers were careful to pick a balanced mix of characters and varied mutant abilities in order to make the film as interesting as possible. Even better, they chose talented actors and actresses who portray the characters perfectly - almost as if they were born to play these roles. So what if Hugh Jackman is taller than the comic version of Wolverine? Who cares if the costumes are "wrong"? Who cares if in only the second movie, the characters have relationships that did not develop after many years in the comics? What matters is that the movie is faithful to the spirit of the comics, even if it doesn't stick to the letter.

But despite all this emphasis on characters, there's certainly no shortage of "eye candy" here to astonish even the most experienced action movie veteran. The undisputed highlight is the opening attack by Nightcrawler on the White House, an elegant blend of fist fighting, acrobatic wire work, gunfire and the best special effects money can buy. However, every X-Man (and woman) gets their chance to shine. For those who complained that Wolverine wasn't brutal enough in the first film, look no further than his reaction to Stryker's invasion of the X-Mansion. Ouch. Magneto (Sir Ian McKellen) escapes from his plastic prison in a truly spectacular fashion, Storm (Halle Berry) conjures up a few tornados to take care of a few pesky fighter planes, and even Cyclops (James Marsden) gets a short fight sequence to show he's got more to him than just glowing red eyes. And as for Jean Grey, aka Marvel Girl (Famke Janssen)... well, let's just say that there are more than a few nods to a classic X-Men story of days past...

Of course, no film is without its faults, and as good as X-Men 2 is, it is certainly no exception. Even though the film begins promisingly, and contains many outstanding individual set-pieces, the overall plot – of Stryker capturing Xavier and brainwashing him to use as a weapon against the mutants – is, it has to be said, a little dubious. I won't give away any more plot details, but I very much doubt whether Xavier is that powerful. Also, Magneto in the comics was always an interesting character because he merely had a different ideal to Xavier's dream of mutant-human peace, and a more militant way of trying to achieve it. And considering his experiences as a child (as the first film explained, he was a young Jew at the time of the Holocaust), he had every right to be bitter. He was ruthless, yes, but he very rarely took pleasure in his killing, and only did what it took to achieve his aims. Yet in the latter part of the film he's portrayed as a fairly stereotypical homicidal maniac baddie, a far cry from the multi-faceted character of the comics. But fortunately these slight blemishes on the landscape don't completely obscure the fact that this is a truly brilliant film.

The DVD release is marvellous as well. There's one in-depth documentary that is more than just publicity and hype, taking us behind the scenes of the movie and examining why certain decisions were made during its production, as well as why it's proved such a popular film. There are also many other features, including some fairly mediocre deleted scenes (which were obviously taken out for a reason), short documentaries on X-comics in general and Nightcrawler in particular, and not one but two audio commentaries. A comprehensive package, indeed. Not only is it a better film than the year's most anticipated movie, The Matrix Reloaded, but it doesn't just blow the DVD of the Wachowski brothers' movie out of the water; it slices it up with its claws, freezes it solid, shoots it with beams of unstoppable force before teleporting it a mile in the air!

In short, X-Men 2 (or X2 for short, and it's even been known to be called X-Men United on occasion) is a fantastic example of the action genre that shows just what superhero movies are capable of. But above all, it's hugely enjoyable entertainment, and on a par with Finding Nemo as the finest film I've seen all year. Although of course, the king hasn't returned yet...

Die Another Day (2002)

One of my favourites, but not exactly perfect

[5/10 · 22 November 2002]

My two favourite Bond films are From Russia With Love and GoldenEye. Why do I like them? The former has a great story with lots of clever spying and espionage, as well as a nemesis who is easily 007's equal; while the latter has all that but with even more action. I was pleased to see that Die Another Day takes the best elements from these two films (and every other Bond film for that matter), and merges them to produce a great addition to the 007 canon - and a fantastic movie in its own right.

However, my least favourite Bond movie is Moonraker, the main criticism of that film being that there were too many unconvincing special effects. Unfortunately, despite the fact that effects have improved no end since that film was made, even now some of the over-the-top sequences come across only *slightly* more convincingly than the laser blasters in Moonraker! Computer generated effects may be suited to some films (like The Matrix and The Lord of the Rings), but only when done right. For Bond, I much prefer real stuntmen over digital trickery - who can forget the bungee jump off the dam in GoldenEye, or the Union Flag parachute in The Spy who Loved Me, or the car barrel-roll (with accompanying cheesey sound effect) in The Man With The Golden Gun? But fortunately in this film there's no shortage of daring feats by the stunt team, like an exciting swordfight and a cool car chase across a frozen lake.

These action sequences are very exciting, and I had great fun trying to spot all of the references to previous Bond films - I think it will take another viewing or two before I spot every one, though! Overall it's a great blend of formulaic 007 stuff, and ideas new to the series.

Nights Into Dreams... (1996 Video Game)

Simply sublime... a true classic!

[9/10 · 12 September 2002]

Even though Sega's Sonic Team division never released a true Sonic the Hedgehog title on the criminally under-rated Saturn console, this wonderful game more than makes up for it!

All is not well in the dream realm of Nightopia. An evil being of nightmares, Wizeman the Wicked, is attempting to conquer the dream world and replace it with his own twisted nightmare world! However, one of Wizeman's minions, a being known only as NiGHTS, rebels against the evil nightmare ruler and seeks help to prevent Wizeman's terrible scheme from succeeding. NiGHTS finds it in the form of two courageous children, Claris and Elliot, and it is here that the player takes over.

By controlling either Claris, Elliot or NiGHTS, players must run or fly around a beautifully surreal and imaginative world of dreams, and must collect enough 'ideya' (dream energy) in order to battle one of Wizeman's henchmen and progress to the next stage. It may sound rather simple, but what makes the game so much fun is its addictive scoring system. When playing as NiGHTS, collecting two or more items in succession forms a 'link' (or combo), and the more links you successfully make, the higher your score. Many people also enjoy taking advantage of the game's unique 'A-Life' system, whereby the game is affected in different ways depending on the moods and feelings of the inhabitants of Nightopia. This was later enhanced by Sonic Team in their debut Dreamcast title, Sonic Adventure.

Overall, NiGHTS Into Dreams is a hugely original game that is still unique and immense fun to play even today, six years after its release. If you're a Saturn owner and do not own this game, you are depriving yourself of a brilliant piece of gaming history. And if you don't have a Saturn... what's wrong with you? ;-)

GoldenEye 007 (1997 Video Game)

One of the greatest video games of all time.

[10/10 · 12 September 2002]

Ever since I first played it in 1998, GoldenEye has been one of my favourite video games. In fact, I recently bought an N64 purely so that I could own it and play it more often! The game is pretty much near-perfect: the single-player mode does a fantastic job of immersing yourself in Bond's shoes, with varied mission objectives, convincing weapons, and great level design. Even though the enemies' artificial intelligence is pretty basic by today's standards, that only adds to GoldenEye's appeal. The method of obtaining cheats (completing levels within a strict time limit) was also innovative when the title was released, and even now I still haven't cracked some of them!

The game comes with a wonderful multiplayer mode for up to four players, and while this isn't as advanced as the Combat Simulator in the game's sequel "Perfect Dark", it is still incredibly satisfying to blast your opponents to smithereens with a barrage of RC-P90 fire! ;-)