maixiu Reviews

The Other Side of Heaven (2001)

Island-sized holes

[2/10 · 6 February 2020]

I have no issue with the LDS slant to the movie. Everyone's allowed their own agenda. But as a movie, this thing is a cringe-inducing clunker. Stereotypes and caricatures abound. In fact, I'm struggling to think of one character who didn't have his/her role turned up to 10. The scene where the young boy revives after falling out of a tree? What on earth happened there? Elder Groberg pronounces the boy dead, but moments later induces him to vomit. So was he that thick that he didn't initially realize the boy was still alive, or is this supposed to be miracle he performed? Either way it left a bad taste in my mouth.

I also didn't understand the language bit at all. Learning a language does not and cannot happen as depicted in this movie. He's told before arriving at the island that no one speaks English. I don't know about you, but to me that means no one speaks English. And yet, when he tries to give his first sermon in the local language, the natives utter the English word "outhouse" while laughing at him. How did they know that word? And then, he kneels on the beach for a couple days reciting the Bible in their language. At the end of that time, he is now fluent! Even if he had a photographic memory, he wouldn't be able to disassemble and reassemble a new vocabulary so fluidly in just a few hours. But to add insult to injury, he spends the rest of the movie speaking fluent English with the natives. So what on earth was the point in learning their language?

This is hardly the worst movie ever, but if it's based on a true-life story, how did they manage to make it so utterly unrealistic?

Bluey (2018– )

Am I missing something? This is great!

[10/10 · 2 January 2020]

My 6 year old daughter (we're Stateside) just found this show and for once I'm totally on board with her choice. She and I have watched this constantly over the past couple weeks and both of us have laughed our heads off. Unfortunately, with so many children's books and cartoons trying to shoe-horn "woke" themes into them, I'm usually quite jaded about what's available. I haven't yet found anything in this show that has caused me to raise an eyebrow. Yes, Bandit the father is portrayed as being not quite as mature as mom. But that's a device that's been used from Fibber McGee to The Honeymooners to countless other sitcoms.

Beyond that, the show happily portrays a rock-solid nuclear family. The lessons it tries to impart revolve around becoming better people via the little things in life. This is accomplished through a brand of humor that is spot on. Potty/body part humor is used very sparingly. And while we do see dad playing the fool, we never lose sight of the fact that it's borne out of his tender affection for his children. When it comes time for him to tone it down and be a responsible parent, he does it effectively.

I like that it also depicts a trust of children to spread their wings. The episode where Bluey walks alone down the beach to find her mother being a great example. In this day and age of helicopter parents, I was very happy to see independence promoted.

And yet at the same time, it never shies away from promoting the benefits accrued to children by the existence of a stable marriage consisting of man and woman. When it's not making me laugh, it's warming my heart. Witness Bluey looking up through the water of a swimming pool at her parents sharing an affectionate kiss. Bluey smiles contentedly. Cue credits. Brilliant!

My Name Is Khan (2010)

Should have quit after the first hour

[4/10 · 3 August 2015]

Popped this in the other night and only made it through the first hour before I couldn't stay awake any longer. What I saw to that point was a fairly harmless romantic comedy that featured a couple of nice performances.

The next night I resumed watching and it was like the movie entered the Twilight Zone. Gone was the warm, quirky beginning and in its place came something that can only be described as a mix between an After School Special and a CAIR-funded work of propaganda. What's the old joke? "Muslims fear backlash from tomorrow's terrorist attack" Acts of retribution on innocents are to be condemned in the strongest terms but this movie falsely depicts an America steeped in bigotry and hate. In fact, Islam has mostly been accorded a special status in America since 9/11. It began that very week with President Bush insisting that Islam is a "religion of peace". The scene with the teacher railing against the violence of Islam? It's far more likely in the post 9/11 world that a school would insist its non-Muslim students learn a sanitized version of Muslim history, perhaps even asking them to wear Islamic dress or try a sample fast for Ramadan. This isn't a political board and I don't want to get off topic because the point is that these film makers seem to have only a passing familiarity with the United States, yet they made the country as a whole one of the characters in their film -- and in doing so chose to depict it in a very poor light.

A grievous example of this was the fictional town in Georgia that appeared to be a Disneyfied version of an 1880's sharecropper village. One that has remained in the same ossified state well into the 21st century. Yes, some towns are poorer than others but can you find me a single example of an American small town where there are only cow paths and not a single paved road? Where every denizen resides in a ramshackle wooden shed? As embarrassing as this was, the post-hurricane scenes are even more ridiculous. A hurricane that lasts a month? A town completely bereft of modern medical facilities or any modern structure? The only ones bothered enough to offer relief are out-of-towners who come on foot? This may or may not happen in some backwater South Asian town during the monsoon but it bears no resemblance to reality in the United States.

And so what was this all building to? The further deification of Barack Obama, it would appear. Was it a love story? A story of justice for young Sameer? A tale of hope and inspiration in the face of adversity? Who knows? After nearly 3 hours, the viewer can't be sure of anything other than it's time for another song.

The Whoopee Boys (1986)

Why doesn't this have cult classic status?

[9/10 · 28 October 2014]

Every couple years this movie comes to mind and I visit the IMDb page for it, just to enjoy the fact that there is a small number of people who remember it and enjoy it for what it is -- a brainless, vulgar comedy that hits the bullseye time and again.

I wonder how much film wound up on the cutting room floor, because at 88 minutes the box office version of the film is tight and unrelenting. I suspect there were some scenes filmed that just didn't stack up, so full credit to whoever edited this down. I can guarantee the best bits made it into the final cut. At no point does the movie hit a lull. Also not mentioned often is that the truncated soundtrack is pretty decent for such a low-budget entry.

And by best bits, I mean some of the funniest comedy of the 80s. Michael O'Keefe's character gets embroiled in a love story (which fortunately never detracts from the humor of the film) leaving Paul Rodriguez to provide rapid fire comedy, and boy does he deliver. The movie bounces from classic scene to classic scene, with Rodriguez getting most of the great lines, delivered in an arch manner that prevents the viewer from disliking him or thinking him obnoxious. For me, the comparisons to Dumb and Dumber are off the mark, as neither of the two principal characters in this movie are portrayed as idiots. Because of that it's a bit more challenging to wring laughs from them but the script successfully answers that challenge. There's plenty of broad humor, but it's backed up by snappy dialogue.

I don't suppose this will ever get its due, but if you've just seen this for the first time, welcome to the club. There are some more of us out here that got it too.

E.T. (1982)

Not as good as you've heard

[5/10 · 20 May 2013]

No, it's not a poor movie, but a 7.9 is a very generous rating, likely helped by its massive box office and a fair amount of nostalgia. I watched this the other day, for the first time since the 80's, and was surprised at how trite it was. A 5 or 6 at best. A few things that stood out to me:

1) Child actors -- All I could think of was The Phantom Menace, and how it's always a big risk to cast a young, unproven kid as a main character. Henry Thomas as Elliott wasn't quite as painful as Jake Lloyd, but he still wasn't that good. Far too many of his lines were delivered with a grating screech. Drew Barrymore wasn't too cloying as the cutsie li'l girl but the combination of she or the two boys being in each and every scene meant we never got a break from child actors. There wasn't anyone in this movie who gave an outstanding -- or even above average -- performance.

2) The "connection" between Elliott and E.T -- What are the rules regarding this connection? How come sometimes Elliott is completely in synch with E.T. but other times they're feeling things separately? And why would E.T. do that to Elliott in the first place? What purpose did it serve to make a young boy, who's trying to help him, suffer? His brother later says that Elliott "feels his (E.T.'s) feelings"? To what end? And why does this empathy come and go? Had Elliott been heretofore unable to feel emotions? Is that what E.T. was trying to teach him? We're never given any insight on Elliott prior to E.T.'s arrival so anything about Elliott's background is just conjecture.

3) E.T.'s intelligence -- Why does a member of a race that's conquered inter-stellar travel act like such a simp? He can build a MacGyver-like contraption to send signals into space but he still doesn't know better than to pop a metal toy in his mouth and start chewing it? He springs out of his body bag and starts babbling "phone home, phone home" to the point that he has to be shushed by a 10 year old kid. That's a horrible inconsistency that can only be explained away with a huge leap of logic.

4) The sets and scenery -- Fans of MST3K will remember episode 303 Pod People, which was an early 80's E.T. knockoff. When I watched the original again it was almost like the makers of Pod People were intentionally taking the mick out of E.T. All the jokes about the fog machines from that episode of MST3K could apply to E.T. Southern California is an arid climate, all of the day shots feature bright blue skies, yet each night the pavement is soaked as if it stopped raining just a minute ago, while the air is thick with moisture. There were frequent lapses in continuity when it came to cloud cover and daylight. The worst is when the boys are taking E.T. to the rendezvous with his space ship. As they break the police blockade it's broad daylight; suddenly the sun is red and setting; and what was likely a couple minutes later they're in the woods at night -- although when the ship takes off it's dusk again. The ship rises into a beautifully clear evening, with no breeze visible in the tree tops, but back in the woods everyone's again shrouded in mist and what appears to be a stiff wind is blowing everyone's hair. Seriously, Pod People wasn't half as ridiculous about these things.

Then there's all the indoor shots at Elliott's house. You never see a shade covering the windows, only Venetian blinds. Yet even in the middle of the sunniest day the inside of the house is dark as pitch, necessitating the use of lamps. The deleted scene of E.T. in the bath tub is illustrative of this. Since you get no context for the shot, I assumed it was supposed to be night time given how dark the house was, yet Elliott's mom calls from work to see how he's feeling! Never does anyone mention that hiding E.T. from prying eyes is a concern. On Halloween, Mary is coming down the hallway to take their picture and it's as dark as can be, with candles lit. But then they go outside and it's still daylight. All the indoor shots were so obviously shot on a stage that it comes off like a cut-rate soap opera.

5) A couple other random questions -- How did E.T. know a ship was coming for him? Telepathically? If they were able to communicate that way then why did he have to rig up the "phone" and call them? Why did that one kid have a balaclava on him during a typically gorgeous SoCal afternoon? How come when E.T. first enters Elliott's room he is reaching over his head to touch the objects on the table, yet the next morning he's tall enough to see what's on the table (and no, his neck wasn't extended.)? Why was Mary wearing a satin bathrobe in front of teenage boys in the beginning of the movie, like some sort of temptress? Then she's an anguished divorcée. Then she's an independent career woman. Then she's ditzy and perhaps tipsy on Halloween. It just seems like there was never an agreed upon direction for her character. E.T. can make objects -- including the bike he's riding on -- levitate, but the boys have to lift him into the bike's basket??

I don't dislike the movie. I was 11 when it came out and probably liked it a lot then. As I said, there's still a nostalgia factor in its favor. I just can't buy into the idea that it's a well done film.

Bending All the Rules (2002)

Where's the plot?

[11 April 2012]

I've heard of TV sitcoms about "nothing" but never a movie. If I managed to make sense of the ending, the movie was a young woman whose parents had a dysfunctional relationship, thus she herself is unable to commit to a relationship. However, even with such a thin premise, the movie is astoundingly devoid of anything that would draw a viewer in. The acting is cringe-worthy, led by Coleen Porch as Kenna. Just because you have a pout that resembles Angelina Jolie doesn't mean you don't need to emote. She displays one expression the entire movie, befuddled amusement.

There's some decent cinematography but the direction is abysmal. It's as if Coleman Francis was given the script to Hobgoblins. In fact, there's a nightclub scene that nearly plumbs the same depths as the similar scene in Hobgoblins. Is it really possible to speak to the club DJ, across the room, using your indoor voice, while in a "hopping" club? Avoid this turkey at all costs.

Night After Night (1990–1992)

A crying shame

[10/10 · 22 September 2004]

It's a crying shame that this show doesn't occupy its rightful place in the pantheon of late night talk shows. Sometimes, large swaths of the show would go by without a single laugh, but you would still turn off the TV feeling you'd watched something entertaining. It's hard to explain; it was humor as dry as it comes. And when the show was hitting on all cylinders it was an absolute riot. The standout episode to me was the one in which Lily Tomlin came on to promote her movie "The Search for Signs of Intelligent Life in the Universe". Instead of answering the questions as herself, she portrayed a Manhattan socialite who had been a financial backer of the film. To top it off, the character she played despised Lily Tomlin. Yet the interview seemed so real, with Havey appearing to actually get upset at the woman's snootiness. I've not seen a situation like this on any other show (except Tuesday Night Titans). I hope some network rolls out re-runs someday.

The Cannonball Run (1981)

Which one is the blooper?

[10/10 · 13 June 2003]

There are three things which stand out to me. The first is, as has already been mentioned, there is a huge continuity gap at the conclusion. Since each racer has a punch card, why was there a footrace at the end, as if the first one to reach the clock would win? Secondly, Jackie Chan's character is supposed to be Japanese, so why does he speak Chinese in all his parts? This becomes most absurd when he's on the talk show and the host speaks Japanese to him. Jackie answers in Cantonese as if they're actually carrying on a conversation! Later, during night scenes where the viewer can't see Jackie's mouth, they repeat the same audio track over two different scenes. Thirdly, watch the end very carefully. When Dom DeLuise comes up with the Capt. USA mask, there is much laughter and mirth; Burt Reynolds moves in and hugs DeLuise. Yet later, we see that that scrap of film was culled from one of the bloopers! They just changed the audio track and spliced it in.

I don't know, this remains one of the more pleasureable of my guilty pleasures. If you don't need "attitude" in your entertainment, then this bit of fluff is wholesome distraction. From the Chuck Mangione-esque theme song to the CB culture, it doesn't get much mellower than this.

Riding with Death (1976 TV Movie)

Mike, did the ozone layer finally give out?

[10 February 2003]

Some spoilers.

After many, many viewings of the MST3K version of this film, I'm still in a fog over just why Robert Denby does the things he does. Why did he blow up that jet? Does he work for a rival defense contractor? Why does he want to crash the Baxter Special? After all, he has the full backing of the Baxter company CEO, so who's behind this plot and why? Why would he go through all the trouble of being on the racing team, couldn't he just sneak into the garage some night and lace the car with deutrium? If he's a professional sabatuer, then who's paying him to perform these acts? If anyone has seen the uncut version of this prime time special... I mean feature film, could you please clear this up.

The most compelling reason to watch this film are the laughable attempts to splice the two films together. Most hilarious are the scenes where Abby's watching the monitor (I kept thinking of the creepy Army guys in "Attack of the the Eye Creatures," who use similarly implausible technology to spy on smooching teens). Notice how the dialogue track doesn't match her lip movements in some shots. Seems they culled dialogue from yet another episode and patched it over the video of Abby watching the monitor. Just precious.