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Reviews
The Mandalorian (2019)
Very Disappointing Thus Far
I'm one of the old-timers who waited in long lines as a kid to see the original Star Wars films at the local double-dome (two screens) theater. I count myself among the original Star Wars fans. I was extremely excited for The Mandalorian. My expectations thus far remain unfulfilled. This show through episode 3 plays like the storyline to a mediocre AAA video game: middling action scenes interspersed with robotic cut scenes featuring corny dialog and characters you just don't care about. (And Carl Weathers has forgotten the few acting skills he used to have.) The formula here looks painfully simple: Star Wars nostalgia + Iron Man + John Wick - the excitement of any of those franchises = The Mandalorian. My question when I saw the previews was "Can we really care about a character who never shows his face?" And the answer thus far is no. It's difficult to invest in a human character that moves and talks like a robot.
I don't know where all the 9+ reviews are coming from, but this series so far is not worthy of the hype. I'll keep watching with the hope it improves.
Central Park (2020)
Fresh and fun!!!
I can't say I'd normally call myself a big fan of musicals, but I have to admit I really love the musical angle of this animated series. Love the characters, interesting setting (family living in Central Park) and plot thus far. Funny, clever, and endearing. Great voice actors and love the music. Good luck hearing the song "Weirdos Make Great Superheroes" and not having it stuck in your head for days (the soundtrack is available on Apple Music). A great addition to the Apple TV+ lineup!
Devs (2020)
Grade F for casting
The acting is insipid. Sonoya Mizuno has the emotional range of a paper towel. I simply can't force myself to engage with this story. Is it going anywhere? Who cares! My low pain tolerance says "See ya!" after episode 3. Such a letdown from Ex Machina.
The Lighthouse (2019)
A hot, steaming pot of art school tripe.
The classic "descent into madness" fare where little is expected, and even less provided. The type of film cork-sniffing highbrows view at film festivals, pretending to both appreciate and comprehend; certainly too "cerebral" for us baffled plebeians. Don't look for a storyline, because there isn't one. Acting: superb. Cinematography: sublime. And all for naught. The point of the film is there is no point. Joke's on you, dear viewer. If only you were smarter. *sniff*
These are 109 minutes of your life you will never get back. Time better spent trimming your toenails or cleaning out the expired produce from the refrigerator. You have been warned.
Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1979)
Terrible on Every Level
Over the past 40 years, I have seen every Star Trek film - some multiple times - except for one: the first. Due to the Great Coronavirus Scare of 2020, and an irresistible deal on iTunes on a Star Trek 10-film bundle, I found myself quarantined at home, with my family, undertaking an epic Star Trek movie binge. Starting, naturally, with the first. The only one I had never seen. And I finally understand why. It's awful. Cinematography, storyline, acting, costumes: it's trash. Yes, it was the late 70s, but Star Wars had proved sci-fi films no longer need suck. Star Trek failed to read the memo.
Star Trek: The Motion Picture showed clear visual inspiration from 2001: A Space Odyssey, which preceded it by a full decade but still outclassed it in every way.
The Wrath of Khan (II) is a far superior film, but the series does not achieve true cinematic quality until The Voyage Home (IV). The first three films, alas, reside at made-for-TV levels from a production standpoint.
Side note: if our Star-Trek-1-envisioned future involves thin polyester jumpsuits that barely cloak the penises that reside below, please count me out.
The Mandalorian (2019)
Very Disappointing Thus Far
I'm one of the old-timers who waited in long lines as a kid to see the original Star Wars films at the local double-dome (two screens) theater. I count myself among the original Star Wars fans. I was extremely excited for The Mandalorian. My expectations thus far remain unfulfilled. This show through episode 3 plays like the storyline to a mediocre AAA video game: middling action scenes interspersed with robotic cut scenes featuring corny dialog and characters you just don't care about. (And Carl Weathers has forgotten the few acting skills he used to have.) The formula here looks painfully simple: Star Wars nostalgia + Iron Man + John Wick - the excitement of any of those franchises = The Mandalorian. My question when I saw the previews was "Can we really care about a character who never shows his face?" And the answer thus far is no. It's difficult to invest in a human character that moves and talks like a robot.
I don't know where all the 9+ reviews are coming from, but this series so far is not worthy of the hype. I'll keep watching with the hope it improves.
Jack Ryan (2018)
DO NOT waste your time on Season 2
Talk about a sophomore slump. Season two goes on and on without actually going anywhere. Profanity aplenty but no dialogue of value. Plot: what plot? Suspense: zero. Bonus: Hollywood's Venezuela is not the real Venezuela destroyed by left-wing socialism, but a fantasy Venezuela destroyed by a right-winger. Shocker.
Stranger Things (2016)
Season 3: The Magic is Gone
First, why does IMDB not allow you to rate a specific season? Season 1 was a solid 9. It's been downhill ever since. My rating for this review applies solely to season 3.
When I saw Ars Technica deem season 3 "the show's best season yet," my nasal cavity was immediately cleansed by the purifying power of Dr. Pepper. What a garbage take. Season 3 is by far the worst, and it's not even close. The Duffer Bros mailed this one in. My audible groans during the 8 episodes were legion. Bones of contention, in no particular order:
Hopper and Joyce have become manic cartoon representations of their former selves. When they aren't shrieking at each other, they're...oh, wait, that's all they do this season is shriek at each other. Completely unhinged and overacted. I wanted to slap them both back to sanity.
The "subterranean-Bond-villain fortress full of uniformed Russian soldiers in the heartland of Indiana" is simply laughable. When did Stranger Things become Austin Powers?
The kid characters have passed their sell-by date. They've lost the adorable charm of yesteryear's youth and are now just grating teens.
How many years will it take Eleven to learn to speak English without sounding like a 6-year-old halfwit? Come on, we're in season 3 and she's still enunciating her words syllable-by-syllable with a baffled look on her face like she's learning Mandarin???
Haircuts: I was a young teen in the 80s. Guys that age at that time honestly did not wear bowl haircuts. Will and Mike look ridiculous. Ugh.
Also, believe it or not, there were competent barbers in the 80s. We're looking at you, Jonathan.
The Terminator-esque Russian soldier was just cringeworthy. A bridge too far here, guys.
To outdo the addition of the Most Annoying New Character from season 2 (Max), they outdid themselves in season 3 with The Even More Annoying New Character (Erica). Someone please stick a fork in my ears!
The mall battle was stupid. The end.
An absurd plot, annoying characters, hysterical acting, and tepid attempts at 80s references (and fashion choices) make season 3 a complete disappointment. This story ran out of juice long ago, but Netflix will certainly try squeezing more blood from the turnip. I wish I hadn't spoiled the memory of my utter joy from season 1 by watching this steaming pile of dreck.