TXBear360 Reviews

Far Cry (2008)

Slightly better than a Frontal Lobotomy without sedation

[2/10 · 28 November 2009]

Completely overlooking the whole movie adaptation of a video game, this is another terrible movie by Mr. Boll. How he continues to be hired to make movies is a constant surprise to me and obviously most of the movie going community.

As a whole I will say that this attempt was fractionally better than so many of his previous attempts. Some of the dialog was even half way decent in Far Cry though he still misuses some phrases and in some cases he doesn't even use the phrases correctly.

Now besides the fact that Jack Carver is supposed to be American and not German, Til was still entertaining in this role. One exception is the laughably lame lines he uses to get in bed with the girl. And we are supposed to believe that she is ready to have sex with him so casually after such minimal dialog? Emile? Simply there for comic relief I am sure and still lame. Jack's character looks old and tired yet is still capable of the extreme acrobatics needed to avoid one of the altered super soldiers in the lab.

Don't watch this one for the Far Cry adaptation. But you might just waste an hour and a half watching it if you have nothing better to do.

Dark Rising (2007 Video)

Much Better Than "Lame"

[8/10 · 31 August 2009]

This movie is far and beyond better than most of the recent crop of horror movies. Yes, it's campy, but it doesn't pretend to be serious and should not be reviewed like it's competing for an Oscar.

It starts off with the obligatory translation of some ancient text by a professor alone in home with his young daughter. Gotta love some of the verbal comebacks the little girl comes up with while daddy is telling her a bedtime story. The professor continues his translation aloud (Always a bad idea as seen in previous movies like Evil Dead) and a portal is opened up and the daughter disappears.

The rest of the movie takes place 20 years later with a group heading out for a camping trip (used hundreds of times... so what) One of the girls, a wannabe witch, reads from the very same book seen earlier and finds the translation by the professor and reads it. Surprise, the portal opens and out pops a demon pursued by the little girl all grown up and HOT. Turns out she has been in that demon dimension for the last 20 years and turned into a serious demon fighter (which some reviewers would have known if they'd actually watched the movie) What follows it campy and funny. Nasty demon just keeps coming back after getting hacked a number of times. There's humor, horror, gratuitous nudity and a little silly romance.

Now I'm not saying this movie is the best thing since sliced bread but it is definitely worth a watch and much better than so much of the horror being cranked out these days ie any of the crap by The Asylum.

Oh, and Ricky, played by Wrestler Christian listed under his real name was hilarious both as human and later on demon spawn.

All in all it was a fun movie.

The Quick and the Undead (2006)

Better than many Zombie flicks out there....

[10/10 · 23 January 2007]

And No... I was not involved in the making or marketing of this film. I had the pleasure of seeing this film at the Texas Frightmare Weekend in 2006. To be honest part of my rating of this film has to do with having time to interact with Nott and the actors who attended the TFW. I have to say for the genre it was not new or avant Gard and it won't win an Oscar but it was entertaining and that is the true value of a movie.

I have been a fan of the Horror genre since a small child when all we had to watch were the Lon Chaney Jr flicks and Britain's Hammer House films. The Crap that is coming out now on an almost daily basis by such companies as Lions Gate, Asylum and Creep FX to name a few is making it difficult to even locate good horror these days. Go to your local Video store and look at the Dreck that is produced. I mean look at the Jose Prendes flicks and you will see the bottom of the barrel and he got some Name horror actors in his films.

The Quick and the Undead rises above the crap and gives entertainment with homage to apocalyptic films. The whole team behind the movie deserve a pat on the back and a well done. I would encourage them to keep going.

Avia Vampire Hunter (2005 Video)

Cheese...Cheese... and really bad Cheese!!!

[1/10 · 17 January 2007]

Okay... so not as bad as a Jose Prendes movie but darn close. Every time the movie cuts to one of her visions/dreams or delusions the music goes up SO loud you have to turn down the TV to keep from disturbing the neighbors. The fight scenes are ludicrous, the set up to the romantic scene is lame. A love connection made on 5 minutes of conversation and what??? The makeup is bad, the fingers on the monsters in the forest are ROFL funny. Not funny enough to be a comedy and not good enough to be a real vampire movie. The ending???? Hmmmmm.... Don't think about renting this movie.... Run... Now... Run away.... Oh... sorry... need one more line for the review Nazis....